Last week Robin Quivers, Howard Stern’s radio sidekick for the majority of his career, went on the air to say that she had been battling cancer for the past year.

The man known as a “shock jock” was visibly moved as he told the audience that he thought “we lost her”. 

Quivers said she had great doctors who helped her heal and that recently she was told by the doctor that she was – in her words – “cured”.

For the past year Quivers was working from a studio in her home and remained unseen on the video feed of Stern’s SiriusXM show. 

Great doctors had a lot to do with Quivers’ recovery.

But the line that was most touching and most memorable was when Quivers said, “People don’t understand how the people who love them save their lives.”  I love that.

Fighting illness is a tough job but medicine can only go so far.

The love of others is often the elixir that aids in extending life and making it better.

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Airlines are awful these days. 

And cable operators act as if they don’t care. 

Even your local doctor’s office may be not be immune to this disease we call “consumeritis” or poor customer service.

If you’re like me, you’ve been driven to the brink by people who seemingly don’t care and by customer service that is an affront.

But I share with you a technique I learned that is better, more effective and often leaves the purveyor of bad customer service more responsive and nicer.

It’s built on the kind of good human relations we value but it provides an effective way to stand up and be heard like never before.

1. Write or email the Vice President of Poor Service at the offending company or provider.  Do not call or text.  You can use Yelp and other social media to gain the attention of some companies that keep an employee watching for angry consumers but that’s not what I am talking about here.
2. It doesn’t matter if the poor service company or provider has or doesn’t have a Vice President of Poor Service – more often than not the person on the receiving end will see that your letter gets to precisely the right person – something consumer’s rarely know. 
3. Write “confidential” on the envelope if using snail mail and “confidential” in the email text at the top.
4. Clearly state the problem without attacking the person who screwed up, the company or the industry.  Stay focused.
5. Give the Vice President of Poor Service a reputation to live up to with lines like “you probably value customer service as much as I do but sometimes things fall through the cracks and help is needed”.
6. Clearly state what you want in one line – no more than two.
7. Thank the Vice President of Poor Service for taking the time to read your message or letter and provide your contact information.

Writing to the Vice President of Poor Service has worked successfully for me for many times.

Once my office staff complained bitterly about the Pepsi machine in our cafeteria area that never worked right.  After making many complaints to the Pepsi Cola Bottler in Pennsauken, NJ to no avail, I wrote to the Vice President of Poor Service at Pepsi. 

One day my secretary called me out of a meeting to say that Roger Enrico, then the CEO of PepsiCo, was on the phone. 

Who knew that Enrico himself was the Vice President of Poor Service?  Such letters are usually sent up the chain of command not down as often happens when you go to the top and complain to a CEO.

Enrico proceeded to tell me personally that PepsiCo will not tolerate unhappy customers and he said he told the local distributor to replace the machine and keep it filled and working without fail.  Enrico said to call him if they screwed up again.

Then the local distributor called to apologize and beg me not to call Enrico with any further problems and he provided me with his home phone number.

Can anything that started so bad end so good?

If you have positive experiences like this and would like to share your advice, feel free to comment below and next time you get your ire up, try the 7 steps above as a very effective alternative that gets results.

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The gift of your time.

It doesn’t really cost us anything.

It makes others feel better.

And in giving our time we receive the benefits as well.

Lawyers and other professionals keep a log of their billable hours for commerce purposes.

If we kept a log of our time, how much of it would go to someone who is not paying us for it?

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give” – Kahlil Gibran

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Money won’t do it.

Botox won’t either.

And power may actually turn people away.

The most reliable and predictable way to make others like us, no – love us – is to increase our humility.

Few think of things this way, but then again the world is increasingly filled with unhappy rich, successful and powerful people that others don’t like.

I know a wealthy TV personality who not only hands out gift cards to restaurants at holiday time to support personnel he comes in contact with daily, but stops and talks to everyone – from guard to janitor the other 364 days a year – calling them by name, inquiring about their families and showing genuine interest.

Or the surgeon who slips away on “vacation” to perform clef palate operations for needy children here and in other countries.

If we were judged not on how much money we have, or how much power we possess but by how humble we try to be, what would be our grade?

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We have no problem buying a giant drink or a large portion of food when we’re hungry.

So could the menu for life be ordering up more of what we like the best?

Educators say, education is one of the few things in life where we want as little as possible for the money.  How many classes can I miss? 

Try that when you buy a car:  “Do I have to take the air conditioning that was included for the price of this vehicle”?  That’s never going to happen.  We’ll take as much as we can get for the money.

Life is no different.

Time to supersize life by doing more of the things that we want to do – the things that bring us pleasure, make us feel worthwhile, connect us to more people.

1. If you don’t like your work, do something about it.  Work consumes the largest amount of our time so if we hate it, no wonder we’re not loving life.  Accept no excuses.  Don’t make any.  Pursue a new path.
2. Spend more time with people you like and less time with people you don’t like.  I know, we can’t choose our relatives and sometimes we like our jobs but hate our bosses.  Think of it like this, if we increased the amount of time we spend with the people who make us happier, we’ve taken a second positive step toward supersizing our life.
3. Always have something to look forward to.  My office is on a golf course and I often see the same people playing the same course over and over again.  They look miserable (Ha! They probably look up at me at my desk and say the same thing).  Never live a moment without something to aspire to – a new place to go, a new friend to make, something you’ve never experienced before.
4. Finally, see how many accomplishments you can have each day.  A new recipe, solving a problem that has been plaguing you, breaking a sales record.  Accomplishments – not just big ones but little ones – all feel the same.  Good.

Four steps to a happier, more fulfilling life that is possible right now.

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Few respond positively to criticism.

That’s why Dale Carnegie’s most famous human relations principle is “don’t criticize, condemn or complain”.

Yet we all do it.

And it still doesn’t work.

What about constructive criticism?

It’s like being a good teacher.  The message will not be heard until the person on the receiving end wants to hear it.

According to Gregg Walker, Department of Speech Communication at Oregon State University, here are some guidelines for the critic:

• Understand why you are offering the criticism
• Put yourself in the other person’s shoes
• Direct your criticism to the present not the past
• Criticize the deed not the person

Guidelines for those on the receiving end of criticism:

• Acknowledge criticism that focuses on your behavior
• Work hard to avoid becoming defensive
• Seek ownership of solutions
• Use “I” messages to clearly communicate how you feel about the criticism

For more helpful guidelines, click here.

“He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help” – Abraham Lincoln

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Dale Carnegie always said a person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

And yet, we hardly use a person’s name.

Not in email.

Not in person.

Not in a restaurant when dealing with a waiter or waitress.

Not even with employees, associates and families.

If you’re up for it, go out of your way to use the person’s name you are addressing or communicating with.  They will like it – no, they will love it.  And just by being thoughtful, you will win their attention.

The world is becoming a massive collection of “friends’ on Facebook, followers and trendsetters.

In digital, in print or face-to-face, use a person’s name and you’ll get their attention without screaming.

Try it.

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When we think of patience, we often think of that fallibility lots of us have where we become impulsive and distracted.

There’s that and there’s the kind of patience that is required to succeed.

Perhaps it can be called resolve.

And almost everyone has some degree of resolve that was acquired through life’s experience.  It’s just a matter of digging down deep inside on-demand for more of it.

In baseball, great hitters wait for the “right” pitch – the one they can hit on their terms.  That’s why it is not unusual for a patient batter to foul off pitch after pitch to remain “alive” long enough to see the one pitch that they are looking for to hit out of the ballpark.

White Sox player Luke Appling fouled off 15 Bob Feller pitches during Feller’s 1940 opening day no-hitter.

The Phillies Richie Ashburn fouled off 14 straight pitches from Cincinnati hurler Corky Valentine in 1954 before drawing a walk.

Patience is not just waiting.

It is waiting to succeed.

“The two most powerful warriors are time and patience” — Tolstoy

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I once saw a demonstration of two people “attempting” to communicate with each other with the help of a psychologist.

Picture this.

The man on one side, the women on the other and the headshrinker in the middle.

He started first.

“What one thing do you really want to tell your wife about what makes you angry?” the psychologist asked.

He babbled on for a few minutes when the psychologist interrupted and said to his wife, “What is your husband trying to say to you?”

And she could not do it.  In fact, her inability to hear what he was trying to say inflamed the discussion.  And yes, the exact same thing happened when his wife tried to communicate what irked her with her husband. 

Communicating doesn’t just mean talking.

It also means, making sure the message is delivered and understood by the other party.

The “Sender” can help by capsulizing in one sentence the gist of his or her comments upon conclusion.

The “Receiver” can help by hearing the comments without prejudice – in other words, from the perspective of the “Sender” first and then give a response.

Our lives are full of communication tools and yet we often hear of broken relationships due to an inability to communicate.

A few hints:

1. Begin with something positive – nothing opens ears more than positivity.
2. Do not attack.
3. Be careful not to exaggerate because even a slight exaggeration gives the other person a reason to reject everything you’re saying.
4. Provide evidence of what makes you feel this way.
5. Focus on one topic – not everything including the kitchen sink.


“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place”  – George Bernard Shaw

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There are so many books, apps and lectures designed to teach us to win the enthusiastic cooperation of others.

But here’s one I have used – it’s short, it’s sweet and it never fails to work.

Stand next to the person whose 100% cooperation you are seeking.

1. With their permission, ask if you can grasp their hand and then ask them to pull as hard as they can away from you while you pull in the opposite direction.  Point out that when this happens in life or at the workplace, the struggle becomes the only result.  No ground is gained.
2. Then continuing to clasp them by the hand, ask the other person not to pull away from you – just stand still.  Now, point out that even when people don’t consciously resist, they are not readily moving in the same direction.  They become deadweight.
3. Finally, ask the other person to move with you as you grasp their hand and pull in the same direction.  This illustrates how two people moving in the same direction can get there faster.

I’ve done this at meetings where you ask attendees to pair off and try it.

From now on, you have graphically instructed those around you that enthusiastic cooperation is an active function that requires moving forward not resisting and most importantly that standing still is not enthusiastic cooperation.

“People who work together will win, whether it be against complex football defenses, or the problems of modern society” – Vince Lombardi

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