Many times we humans know exactly what we need to do when faced with a problem.

We just don’t always do it.

To put it another way, our instincts are better than we give ourselves credit for.

For example, we often know when it’s time to look for a new job or career, but we stay longer than we know we should.

We sense when a relationship has gone stale because we often seek the help of a professional to help us through it.  Yet, we move painfully slow.  Many psychologists say by the time a couple gets to their office, it’s often too late.

We know when something is not right between us and loved ones or friends but we stew and avoid confronting the other person.

So if we know, why do we not act?

Courage is like adrenaline in a crisis.  It’s there when we need it.

I had a high school math teacher who told an unforgettable story about how he and his wife were in a rollover accident after which he had to lift the car off of his injured wife who fell out of the car to save her life.

No problem, adrenaline kicked in.  He was 5’6” by the way and it was a big car.

I’ve always looked at courage the same way.

When we need it most, we must let it kick in.  We must take action to confront what we know in our heart of hearts we must do.  It is always available as a tool.

“Pearls do not lie on the seashore.  If desire one, you must dive for it” – Oriental proverb

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It’s not really about making the boss like you.

Not necessarily getting another degree.

Not so much always working late.

Not even being the best and the brightest because sometimes even they aren’t the person a company can’t live without.

The number one guaranteed way to be the most valuable person in your company is to continually show your employer how you add value to the company.

It’s that simple.

Can you help make more money?  Save more money?  Come up with great ideas? Work skillfully with other people?  Bring the best out of people?

It’s relatively easy for employers to part with employees in the digital age because employees rarely see themselves as people who can add value to the company.  Instead, we tend to gather up skills, work long hours, stress ourselves out and in the end find that we’re not getting the compensation or security we think we’ve earned.

Add value to the company you work for in every way you can and on a consistent ongoing basis – this is the indispensible employee of tomorrow.

“Creating value is what distinguishes good employees from those you simply can’t do without. Creating value is what makes you irreplaceable” – Kelsey Meyer, Forbes

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If you’ve ever used or heard the phrase “if I knew then what I know now” you have come to appreciate the benefits of learning from the past.

History repeats itself because too often we fail to learn from it – it’s that simple.

To be shortsighted is to have a lack of foresight.

That’s why when people remarry, they often marry the same type of person they divorced. 

Why we keep taking jobs in an industry we know, instead of an industry that we’d like to get to know.

It is within our power this very day to start learning from the past and applying that wisdom to the future.

We’re often advised to live in the present and not the past or the future.

Sound advice.

But the past is replete with many lessons that are worth thinking more seriously about because the past is the road map that tells us where we’ve been and how we got there. 

The future is uncharted waters for even the most gifted predictors of what’s ahead.

Now is a great time to learn more about ourselves from where we’ve been and it can make all the difference in the world.

“Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward” – Soren Kierkegaard

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Whether you are spiritual or not, here is the best way to deal with life’s challenges.

“Do the best that you can and put it in God’s hands”

If you’re not religious, working hard to resolve a problem and giving up control is another way to look at it.

Many people do not believe that their lives are pre-determined and that how they deal with adversity doesn’t matter.

It does.

Out of bad comes good because working hard to grapple with life’s issues is transformative.

So, the next time you are faced with adversity, do the best that you can and put it in the hands of a higher power.

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Clinical psychologist Meg Jay says 30 is not the new 20.

And that 80% of life’s most defining moments happen by our mid-30’s.

The first ten years of a career, which usually begins in earnest during our 20’s has exponential impact on earning power – that’s how important that decade is.

The brain rewires itself for adulthood in the 20’s so as Dr. Jay says if you want to change it, that’s the time.

Our personalities change in our 20’s more than any other time of life.

Today, postponing this important ten-year progression is validated by society.  We’re making a mistake by telling 20-somethings that they have an “extra” ten years yet to accomplish the important things that usually begin in their 20’s.

But this applies to all age groups.

There is always tomorrow. 

We’re living longer.

We can multitask and cram everything in life in.

But it’s actually the opposite.

Whether true or not, the secret is to live as if today is the last day we have.  That feeds the urgency necessary to live life to the fullest and keep growing at any age.

“To achieve great things, you need a plan and not enough time” – Leonard Bernstein

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The difference between fear thought and forethought is that fear thought is the negative thinking that makes life worse for all of us and forethought is the positive way to realistically look ahead to deal with problems.  

Sometimes just knowing the difference makes all the difference.

When we fear the future, we get what we fear even though 99% of what we fear will never happen.

When we plan for the future, we are actively dealing with potential problems.

Fear thought paralyzes us.

Forethought empowers us.

Never spend a moment fearing the future because the odds are in your favor that your fears will never be realized although you may make yourself sick and unhappy.

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When I taught generational media at the University of Southern California, I used to share thoughts about life to my students in the final minutes of class.

Last week, one of my students posted it on Facebook for all her friends to see.  It was an inspirational passage about the freeing benefits of taking risks and I’d like to share it with you today:

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach for another is to risk involvement.

To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self.

To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.

To believe is to risk despair.

To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live. Chained by their attitudes they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom.

Only a person who risks is free.”

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The more a salesperson sells me, the more I don’t want to buy. 

The more someone tries to win me to their way of thinking, the more resistant I become.

And we’re being sold something constantly through advertising, popup ads, search, billboards and those around us.

So here is the secret to getting someone to listen to you.

Listen to them.

The sales guru Tom Hopkins is known for teaching a technique where a “champion” salesperson gathers information and looks for validation before asking for the sale.

“Would you like it in red?”

“Yes”

“I’ll make a note of it”

Listening and not talking is the key to getting people to opt in on what you have to say, or what you think.

Listening is so hard.  It seems to be against everything we’re taught in life.  To pursue what we want and do it vigorously.

Ironically, the secret to influencing others is to be skilled at sincerely listening to them.

Here are 6 ways to persuade and influence others from Steve Bressert, PhD:

1. People are more willing to comply with requests (for favors, services, information, and concessions) from those who have provided such things first.

2. People are more willing to be moved in a particular direction if they see it as consistent with an existing or recently-made commitment which is why when shopping for a car you are asked “What qualities are you looking for?” in a car.

3. People are more willing to follow the directions or recommendations of someone they view as an authority.

4. People are more willing to take a recommended step if they see evidence that many others, especially similar others are taking or buying or using it.

5. People find objects and opportunities more attractive to the degree that they are scarce, rare, or dwindling in availability.

6. People prefer to say yes to those they know and like.

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.” – Dale Carnegie

Millennials – the 80 million or so people who are coming of age in Gen Y – have many admirable characteristics not the least of which is pursuing their dreams.

We’re never too young or too old to chase our passions in life.

There is no total number of dreams we are allowed.  Everything counts – home, work, relationships, friends, causes.  We can have more than one at a time.

Dreaming is not easily outsourced to another, it must come from within.  No one can have your dream of the future exactly the way you want it and no one other than ourselves should be asked to be responsible for it.

People who discourage should be avoided because the guaranteed best way to dash your dreams is to allow someone else to tell you what isn’t possible.

Is there a dream that you want to pursue?  If so, it will not find you.  You will have to find it.

Try this.

Name 5 dreams you have for yourself.  Think big – the bigger the better but they don’t have to be earthshattering.

Think “can” instead of “can’t”.

Start today and never look back until you fulfill your dreams.

“All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them” – Walt Disney.

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How long is it normal to mourn a loss?

As long as we are able to go on with our day-to-day activities there is no timetable on mourning.

Television’s “Mister Rogers” in an interview with Karen Herman once had the ultimate challenge.  I’ll let Fred Rogers tell it in his own powerful words.

“My greatest challenge?  I suppose to walk through the door and sing ‘It’s A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood’ when I have had a real sadness in my life. I had to go to Miami one hour after my father’s funeral because they were having a Mister Rogers Day there that could not be cancelled. We had 23 fifteen-minute performances in one day. I had to sing ‘It’s A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood’ for each one of them.”

Gratitude is the elixir for sadness.

The more grateful we remain, the more we can live life with all its up and downs.

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