Since our brain is designed to protect us and not guarantee happiness, being happy is a constant ongoing training.  Borrowing from the author and physician Amit Sood, joy is not a reward.  It is something we do by cultivating micro-practices.  Expecting to wake up happy is not realistic without them.

The core message of not postponing joy is that it’s not a reward – it’s a daily practice. Waiting to be happy trains the brain to delay contentment. Small moments of joy rewire resilience. Meaning comes from now not someday. Happiness is ongoing training not a one-time book seminar or podcast.  The rewards start immediately, but it takes a lifetime to master it.

“We get so caught up weeding the yard that we completely miss the tulips that nature gives us for a few precious weeks. We postpone joy.” — Amit Sood

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Want to impress people?  Talk about them.  Here’s a Harvard study that isn’t stogy.  They analyzed conversations among strangers in laboratory settings and real-world speed dating events – yes, speed dating was included.  People who asked more questions — especially follow-up questions based on what the other person had just said — were significantly better liked by their conversation partners. Participants also perceived them as more responsive, attentive and caring.

Most people underestimate how powerful this simple habit is. Study participants generally believed asking more questions wouldn’t make them more likable, even though the data showed the opposite.

Great conversationalists aren’t necessarily the best talkers.  They are people who make others feel heard and for all the popular talk about the importance of being seen and heard,  it begins with a question and a follow-up.

“People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”

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We spend much of our lives chasing happiness, but psychologists say one of the fastest ways to improve well-being isn’t happiness at all—it’s awe, the feeling of wonder that comes from experiencing something larger than yourself.  Moments of awe can reduce stress, improve mood, strengthen social connections and even make people more generous.

A meta-analysis of 30 studies involving more than 30,000 people showed that participants who took regular “awe walks” over eight weeks experienced greater joy and less daily distress. Intentionally noticing beauty in everyday surroundings—even on neighborhood walks—can produce similar benefits.  Nature appears especially powerful.

Wonder isn’t a luxury reserved for vacations or special occasions.  It’s a skill that can be practiced by slowing down long enough to notice beauty, excellence or vastness in everyday life. 

Sometimes the quickest way to feel better isn’t looking inward—it’s looking outward.

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Most people wait to celebrate life’s biggest achievements—a promotion, graduation or major breakthrough but the evidence suggests it’s the small victories along the way that create the motivation to accomplish the big ones.

Harvard Business School professor Teresa Amabile and psychologist Steven Kramer spent years studying what actually motivates people at work. Their landmark research analyzed nearly 12,000 daily diary entries from 238 employees working on creative projects at seven companies.

Their research found that people didn’t need major breakthroughs to stay engaged.

Most of the positive momentum came from ordinary progress—a difficult phone call completed, a software bug fixed, a chapter written or a workout finished. Those seemingly minor accomplishments produced meaningful increases in motivation, creativity and engagement.

Conversely, feeling blocked or experiencing setbacks had an even stronger negative effect on motivation and contributes to burn out.  In other words don’t wait for the victory to celebrate.  Recognizing today’s small victory may be exactly what carries you to tomorrow’s big one.

“Of all the things that can boost emotions, motivation, and perceptions during a workday, the single most important is making progress in meaningful work.” – Amabile and Kramer

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New research suggests we’ve been chasing the wrong destination. Researchers at the University of Missouri found that hope may be an even stronger contributor to a meaningful life than happiness or gratitude.

Across six studies involving more than 2,300 participants, hope consistently predicted whether people felt their lives had meaning — even after accounting for other positive emotions. Hope was the only positive emotion that predicted a greater sense of meaning over time. That finding is powerful because happiness is usually tied to what’s happening right now. Hope looks ahead. It gives us a reason to keep moving even when today isn’t easy.  Hope remains available even when circumstances don’t cooperate.

We gain more by thinking of what we are looking forward to than trying to chase elusive happiness.

Happiness — a feeling.

Hope — a direction.

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” — Desmond Tutu

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When we let people disrespect us, ignore our own needs or apologize for having limits, we unintentionally communicate that those behaviors are acceptable. That exception can become someone else’s expectation.

Healthy boundaries are not about control.  They are a statement of how we expect to be treated – no apologies necessary.  Brene Brown wrote “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”  That’s not at all about control.  Others learn how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves.  Healthy boundaries define what you will do—not how you control someone else. Boundaries protect your values, your time and your emotional well-being.

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” 

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Just recently, physicians interviewed by Hearst newspapers said they routinely recommend gratitude practices because they help interrupt rumination — the cycle of replaying worries, complaints and negative thoughts that fuels anxiety. Yale psychiatrist Yann Poncin explained that gratitude is most effective when practiced consistently rather than occasionally, while psychiatrist Joseph Podolski described using a nightly gratitude ritual with his family because it shifted everyone’s attention from problems to what was going right.

Sixty-four studies concluded that gratitude interventions — including journals, letters and intentional reflection — produced measurable improvements in life satisfaction, mental health and anxiety while increasing positive emotions and optimism.  We use gratitude training in our NYU music business mental health classes to help musicians focus on positive practices.

In other words, it’s not just psychobabble – there are real measurable health benefits.  Last year, researchers at Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health reported one of the strongest findings yet: older adults who scored higher on measures of gratitude had a significantly lower risk of dying over the following four years, even after accounting for health, socioeconomic status and lifestyle factors.

“Gratitude empowers us to take charge of our emotional lives and, as a consequence, our bodies reap the benefits.” — Robert A. Emmons, The Little Book of Gratitude

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We want to make others proud of us and we usually do this by trying to be an achiever.  We work hard to do it often at the expense of our relationship with others and our own well-being.  But we have it backwards.  Those who love us are attracted to who we are not what we achieve and not what we’ve done lately.

Searching for love by achievement is like chasing your tail, a never-ending circle that misses the point:  The more you get in that obsessive pattern of trying to achieve the love of others, the more it eludes us.

Achievement has value. It helps us grow, contribute, and provide. But it was never meant to become the measure of our worth.

Real love doesn’t keep score.  It doesn’t ask what you’ve accomplished lately. It asks who you are.

“Love is about being, not doing” – Arthur Brooks

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Face it, most of us spend a lifetime trying to avoid pressure — feeling anxious, overwhelmed or stretched, something must be wrong.

U.S. Men’s National Team captain Tim Ream sees it differently As the United States prepared to open the 2026 FIFA World Cup on home soil, Ream reminded his younger teammates that they were experiencing something few athletes ever will. Instead of focusing on the enormous expectations, he urged them to appreciate the moment.

Ream also acknowledged the obvious: pressure comes with opportunity. The challenge wasn’t to eliminate the pressure—it was to keep it in perspective and recognize the privilege of being there.  That lesson extends far beyond sports.

The presentation you’re nervous about. The business you’re trying to build. The child you’re raising. The class you’re teaching. The family member you’re caring for. They all bring pressure because they matter but years from now, you probably won’t remember the anxiety nearly as vividly as you’ll remember having the chance.

Pressure often feels heavy in the moment but looking back, it frequently becomes one of life’s greatest privileges.

“Pressure is a privilege.” — Billie Jean King

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We humans are deeper than who we think we are and what we do for a living according to “happiness professor” Arthur Brooks.  For example, I may be an entertainer and a professor and what I do (teach and inform or entertain) may be more specific.  But according to Brooks it’s the why that really defines us.  Why do I teach?  Why have I spent a lifetime informing and entertaining – to help people and to make them happy.

The values that motivate your work long after the excitement of a promotion, paycheck, or title has faded.  Lasting happiness is built on enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning, with meaning coming from a sense of purpose that transcends simple achievement.

Instead of asking, “What do I do?” ask, “Why do I do it?”.  Your title may change several times over a lifetime. Your deeper purpose rarely does. And in the end, it is that purpose—not your business card—that tells the truest story of who you are.  As many entertainers know when they are laid off from their jobs, they feel and sense of uselessness instead of a state of being between jobs — it’s why we do what we do that defines us and brings happiness.

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.'” — Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning (quoting Nietzsche).

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