Progress not perfection is the goal.  I call it PPP – purposeful positive progression.

No need to wait until you have every answer. Instead, gather the best information available, accept that some uncertainty will always remain, make a thoughtful decision and adjust as you learn. In practical terms, it means asking: “What’s one meaningful step I can take today that moves me forward?”

Making progress in meaningful work is one of the strongest drivers of motivation and having a sense of purpose is associated with better psychological and physical health. Behavioral science shows that small, consistent improvements are more sustainable than waiting for dramatic breakthroughs.

Purposeful positive progression is the practice of taking intentional, meaningful steps that steadily improve your life, work, or relationships—focusing on forward momentum instead of perfection.

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VACATION NOTE:  Cheryl and I are going to take a few days off to recharge our batteries before NYU resumes Fall classes in a few weeks.  This seems like a good time.  Thanks for reading and sharing DayStarters.  See you Monday August 24.

Your brain doesn’t know it’s tired.  People who are sleep-deprived often don’t realize how impaired they are. Research has repeatedly shown that after even modest sleep loss, performance, judgment, attention and reaction time decline while people continue to believe they’re functioning normally.

One major study found participants restricted to 6 hours of sleep a night for two weeks performed cognitively about as poorly as those who had gone 48 hours without sleep, yet they consistently underestimated how impaired they had become. Fatigue quietly erodes judgment, creativity, memory and emotional control while convincing you you’re doing fine. That’s why exhausted leaders, executives, physicians and pilots can make confident decisions that are objectively worse.

Don’t trust how alert you are. If you’ve been sleeping six hours or less for several nights assume your judgment, attention and reaction time are worse than they feel. The recommended number of sleep hours per day is 7 and better yet, on a consistent sleep schedule.

Don’t let a tired brain evaluate itself.  Harvard Medical School’s Sleep Medicine Division says “Just one sleepless night can impair performance as much as a blood-alcohol level 0.10 percent.”

“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”  — W. C. Fields

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As the author and physician Amit Sood reminds us, everyone is resilient in a unique way.  Rather than ask whether you are resilient, upgrade that to “how resilient am I”.  Put the ways on a note app or paper as a reminder because we have a habit of emphasizing the need for more resilience without first recognizing that all of us are resilient.

You’ve survived 100% of your hardest days.  If you have to measure your resilience, do it on a scale not on a label.  Recognizing that your resilience makes you more resilient.  Psychologists have long found that beliefs about our abilities influence future performance.

Resilience is less about toughness than flexibility. The strongest people aren’t those who never struggle—they’re the ones who adjust, learn and move forward after setbacks.

You’ve already survived every difficult day you’ve ever faced. That’s not proof that you’ll never struggle again — it’s proof that resilience is already part of who you are. The question isn’t whether you have it. It’s how much more you can build.

Elton John had it right. “I’m Still Standing” isn’t just a hit song—it’s evidence. If you’re still standing after everything life has thrown at you, you’ve already proven you possess resilience. The challenge isn’t finding it. It’s recognizing it and building on it.

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Many people spend years searching for the perfect career, believing that one ideal job will eventually reveal itself.  People who don’t have all the answers and are willing to accept uncertainty remain open to learning and acknowledging personal vulnerability during career decisions.

A six-month study of 995 full-time U.S. workers found that people who demonstrated what researchers called “career wisdom” were more likely to experience their work as meaningful – not having all the answers. Workers with higher levels of career wisdom reported greater meaning in their work over time over the six months in which it was measured.

But they did not conclude that accepting uncertainty alone causes people to become happier at work; rather, the study identified statistically significant associations among these factors over time.

Successful careers do not depend on discovering the perfect fit.

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My NYU students are not going to like this because in general so many young people prefer texting over talking on the phone, so forgive me in advance. BUT, the best arguments are spoken and not typed. There’s a study for just about anything but this one is really fascinating.

The study in Nature Communications examined how the medium of communication influences disagreements concluding that voice or face-to-face rather than through written exchanges consistently reported better outcomes. Participants felt more understood, perceived less conflict, formed more favorable impressions of one another and were more likely to move toward common ground. These benefits were observed whether the conversation occurred in person, by telephone or by video, compared with text-based communication.

Most people expected the opposite — 84%  said they would rather handle a disagreement in writing, believing it would be easier and less confrontational. The actual conversations showed otherwise: spoken discussions produced more constructive interactions than written ones.

Every disagreement should not happen in person but when the goal is understanding rather than documentation, the medium itself can influence the outcome.

According to a UC Berkeley Haas summary of Juliana Schroeder’s research, “when the stakes are high, your voice—not your words alone—makes all the difference.”

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We’re not stuck with one personality all our lives.

For generations, personality was often viewed as something largely established early in life and relatively fixed thereafter.  Measurable trait changes continue well into later life. In practical terms, someone who has always been quieter than most of their peers may remain relatively introverted while still becoming more outgoing than they were a decade earlier.

A preregistered 2024 meta-analysis examining 44 studies, 89 independent samples and 121,187 participants found that events such as graduation, a first job, marriage, divorce and retirement were associated with personality change, but the average effects were generally small and inconsistent. Work-related transitions produced somewhat stronger and more consistent changes than relationship-related events. Research suggests that. Even intentional personality change is possible.

The best evidence suggests that experience, new roles and deliberate effort can gradually influence how you think, respond and relate to others, even though most changes are incremental rather than dramatic.

Carl Rogers in On Becoming a Person observes that “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”

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Researchers at the University of Rochester found that feeling understood is strongly linked to healthier relationships, greater well-being and a stronger sense of self. But, people often feel misunderstood even when others understand them accurately. What to do?

We feel genuinely heard when five things are present:  When we have a chance to speak, they receive attention, empathy, respect and a sense of common ground. Miss even one or two of those elements, and people often leave the conversation feeling invisible.  Understanding someone isn’t enough. In experiments with couples, listeners who accurately understood their partner’s thoughts and feelings were perceived as responsive only when that understanding was accompanied by genuine compassion.

One of the greatest gifts we can give another person isn’t advice or solutions but the unmistakable feeling that they matter—that they were listened to, understood and respected.

That’s what is meant by feeling seen and heard.

“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity” — Simone Weil

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Life’s highs and lows rarely shape our long-term well-being as much as we predict.  It’s like a limbo dance – how low can you go?

Most of us believe a promotion, dream home or perfect relationship will make us happier for longer than it actually will. We also assume a job loss, breakup or disappointment will leave us miserable for years.  Psychologists Daniel Gilbert (Harvard) and Timothy Wilson (University of Virginia) have spent decades studying this mistake, known as affective forecasting. Their research shows people consistently exhibit an impact bias—overestimating both the intensity and duration of future emotional reactions.

In other words, bad things are not the end of the world like we think and that good things will fuel our happiness longer than they really do. Keep expectations low, motivation high to stop living in emotional limbo.  Don’t postpone your happiness waiting for life’s next high, and don’t assume today’s setback will define tomorrow. We are remarkably resilient. We adapt more quickly meaning our greatest victories and toughest defeats usually don’t have the lasting emotional power we imagine.

“The future is fundamentally different than it appears through the looking glass of the present.” — Daniel Gilbert and Timothy Wilson.

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Since our brain is designed to protect us and not guarantee happiness, being happy is a constant ongoing training.  Borrowing from the author and physician Amit Sood, joy is not a reward.  It is something we do by cultivating micro-practices.  Expecting to wake up happy is not realistic without them.

The core message of not postponing joy is that it’s not a reward – it’s a daily practice. Waiting to be happy trains the brain to delay contentment. Small moments of joy rewire resilience. Meaning comes from now not someday. Happiness is ongoing training not a one-time book seminar or podcast.  The rewards start immediately, but it takes a lifetime to master it.

“We get so caught up weeding the yard that we completely miss the tulips that nature gives us for a few precious weeks. We postpone joy.” — Amit Sood

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Want to impress people?  Talk about them.  Here’s a Harvard study that isn’t stogy.  They analyzed conversations among strangers in laboratory settings and real-world speed dating events – yes, speed dating was included.  People who asked more questions — especially follow-up questions based on what the other person had just said — were significantly better liked by their conversation partners. Participants also perceived them as more responsive, attentive and caring.

Most people underestimate how powerful this simple habit is. Study participants generally believed asking more questions wouldn’t make them more likable, even though the data showed the opposite.

Great conversationalists aren’t necessarily the best talkers.  They are people who make others feel heard and for all the popular talk about the importance of being seen and heard,  it begins with a question and a follow-up.

“People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”

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