The most exciting times are when we leave the past and try something new.

Do new things. 

Find new careers. 

Meet new people. 

Discover new things.

But too often we have to be forced into starting over.  It is a residue of something unfortunate that compels us to take action.  We eventually buck up and tackle the job of starting over because we have to.  And the results are almost always the best of times that follow no matter how things started.

What would happen if we didn’t wait for misfortune to descend upon us before starting over again?

Sports teams somehow need to hit rock bottom before they really shake things up to compete again.  In corporate America companies cling to their traditional streams of profit even if their revenue is consistently heading down.  Even in our personal lives we frequently overstay relationships that are without feeling due to fear of having nothing in its place.

The next time you’re ready to change the status quo and start over, let this inspire you:

1. Live in the future not the past.  As Carl Bard says, “Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”
2. Welcome failure because it is going to take a few failures to arrive at success.  There is no way around it.  Lee Iacocca saved Chrysler Corporation by trying things (and yes, failing) and he says, “So what do we do?  Anything.  Something.  So long as we just don’t sit there.  If we screw it up, start over.  Try something else.  If we wait until we’ve satisfied all the uncertainties, it may be too late.”
3. Use a new canvass every day.  When we paint a picture you don’t keep throwing paint on the same canvas.  We actually get a new canvass every single day.  Think of it like that.  How many empty canvasses do you have?
4. It’s never too late to start over.  If that’s our excuse, what we’re really saying is I’m not ready.  Today – even now – is a good time to start especially if you remember that the sooner we begin, the sooner things get better.  Guaranteed.

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Lu Ann Cahn, a longtime TV reporter in Philadelphia and a longtime cancer survivor believes she has found a way to eliminate the blahs, the depression that hits us when things go wrong.

In 2010, she felt a funk coming on and decided to try a novel change.  She would do something new every day.

She walked across the 8,300-foot span of a bridge one day and although a suspicious police officer stopped her fearing that she was going to jump, she was never more in the moment in a positive way.

Lu Ann Cahn survived three major health problems that began early when she was 33.  She’s now 53 and writes about how she recharges her life by doing something positive every day.

She’s serious about trying new things.

On one January 1^st, Lu Ann jumped into the icy Atlantic Ocean in nothing but a bathing suit.

She can’t skate very well, but she auditioned for being one of The Philly Roller girls.

She slid down the stairs of the art museum after a snowstorm.

But not all her new things were challenging and wild.  Some days she pushed herself to meet new people.

It’s free.  It works.  And it turns a disadvantage into an advantage.

Here is Lu Ann Cahn’s inspirational story.

And a link to her book and blog.

“I dare me” – Lu Ann Cahn

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A co-worker always seems to oppose your ideas and suggestions.

A spouse hates it when you get your way all the time – or so they think.

A child refuses to do that which you ask them and has to be forced to do it.

These things have never happened to you, right?

Of course they have unless you know the formula for winning the enthusiastic cooperation of others.

1.  Create a win-win by responding to ideas and suggestions instead of reacting to them.  Reacting can be more emotional.  Responding is a means of first letting the other party know you’re first listening.  Great with co-workers.

2.  Make the other person think the idea is his or hers.  Believe it or not, when you give up control of “idea” ownership, others buy in to what you are suggesting.  Effective with everybody especially those close to us.

3.  Begin by asking the other person for their ideas and suggestions before asking them to respond to your call to action.  Try this with a child next time you ask them to clean their room or do something for you.

People don’t just hand us their cooperation.  We have to earn it.

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Rules exist to be broken.

But responsibility — the ability to make decisions without prior authorization – is forever.

We hate rules — that’s why we break them.

And if you think society needs rules to avoid chaos what it really needs is more people taking responsibility to do, that which is right and just to others and ourselves.

Decades ago in a less independent world, folks submitted to a set of rules for society, in relationships and to employers.  Today, the emerging Millennial generation is leading the way to dismantle rigid societal rules and proffer for personal responsibility instead.

As a professor I asked my classes to help me design a way to test what they know about the subject matter of the course they were taking.  The rules of academia called for a test, a paper, and an exam.  But when you ask students to take responsibility for developing the yardstick upon which their learning progress is to be judged, you gain enthusiastic cooperation and compliance.

Replace hard and fast rules with reasonable responsibility if you want to get things done.

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Sports coaches are hired to be fired.

It happened yesterday again when the Philadelphia Flyers hockey team parted ways with their coach of almost 5 years Peter Laviolette after just three games into the season (all losses). And that is after a vote of confidence a few weeks earlier from the owner AND general manager – that dreaded vote of confidence.

Some of the most successful people have been fired. 

Yet we fear being fired for all sorts of reasons from needing the income to the debilitating effects on the ego.  No one wants to be fired.

But it is a fear worth thinking about in a new way.

Scotty Bowman, one of the two most successful hockey coaches ever with 9 Stanley Cup rings was fired – an NHL record.  Hey the Beatles were rejected initially by their record label, too.  We all make mistakes.

Time for a little attitude adjustment.

1.  Whether you’re flying high or fearing termination, work for pride.  Pride in what we do makes people successful.

2.  Even certainty is uncertain – Coach Laviolette won a two-year contract extension only a year ago.  In life we never know and we shouldn’t be concerned.

3.  Disruption in an industry usually means success so think of it this way:  disruption of your career most certainly will bring good things because it will force positive change that might not ordinarily occur in the same job.

4.  My motto:  suffering is transformational.  Firing can’t hurt us.  The fear of being no one or having nothing could.  And in reality those fears are without merit.

Put this quote on your wall:

“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life”.

That’s Steve Jobs!

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“Leave your phone on”.

That’s how I started ever new semester with my USC students.

I said, I’m leaving my phone on and you can leave yours on, too.  But I’m not going to take calls or answer a lot of texts while I am with you teaching and you should do the same as you are learning.

Rules don’t work.

Responsibility does.

Keeping the phone in your pocket or purse during dinner, establishing a “no screen zone” a few hours before bed actually helps relationships and helps us get better sleep.

It also leads by example.

For those of us with children, it’s a bad example to scream at them when we should be taking ourselves to task.

I’m not giving up my smartphone any time soon and I’ll bet you aren’t either.

We must learn to integrate their advantages into our lives instead of let them take over.

In all my classes ever, not once did a student visibly abuse the privilege of being trusted to manage their own phones.  When it becomes a burden, we all know what to do.

It’s in our hands.

Control that which we can control – how we use our smartphones.

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What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

But the real deal on being stronger is that it is a journey through tough times and hard feelings. 

People say things that hurt, make us vulnerable and feel rejected.

It’s natural.  It’s as predictable as sunrise and sunset and there is one sure way to cure the devastating effects of hurt feelings.

Work through them immediately. 

No rumination.

It’s okay to feel hurt.

People who act like their feelings are not hurt is almost as detrimental as those doing the hurting.  Feel it and move on.

When a boxer takes a punch they almost simultaneously throw a punch.

Humans are not punching bags.  We are strong, resourceful and agile beings capable of absorbing pain and disappointment as long as it doesn’t end there.

We must get up and fight back in the count of 10 to succeed another day.

“I think one’s feelings waste themselves in words; they ought all to be distilled into actions which bring results” – Florence Nightingale

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Sometimes I feel like life is getting out of control, how about you?

But the more we try to make things work out our way, the more frustrated we seem to become.

In every other way, trying harder gets better results, but when you try to get on top of things and reel them in, the exact opposite happens.

Notice how “control freaks” have few friends.

How the employer who has to have it his or her way, eventually loses their best people or their very own job.

Why children who cannot be cut free in many stages to test their wings become codependent in life.

But there is a cure.

It’s an odd one and ironic.

In giving up control, we gain control.

It is a freeing thing when we realize that by letting go we didn’t get hurt and we actually feel good.

Try it today.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us” – Joseph Campbell

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Don’t.

No one likes to hear that word so we should ban it from our vocabulary. 

In previous generations, people like Dale Carnegie could get away with saying “don’t criticize, condemn or complain” – a powerful message, stronger than the negative word at the start.  Back then, people cut slack to “experts” who pontificated about self-improvement.

But today, Millennials among others hate to hear what not to do right up front.  They close their ears and disregard whatever follows.

Try this instead.

Catch yourself when you are about to say “don’t” – if you’re like me, you’ll have no shortage of chances.

Once you catch yourself saying “don’t”, try to restate what you were about to say in a positive way – with a benefit attached if possible and watch how ears perk up.

Examples:

• “Don’t forget to clean up your room” is replaced by “Please do your usual great job cleaning up your room”.
• “Have that report on my desk in the morning” is out and “Our deadline is tomorrow morning – thanks for having that report ready” is in.
• “Don’t talk to me like that” is less effective than “I respond to positive talk”.
• “Don’t worry” is less effective than “Keep your chin up”.

The more we avoid words that tell people what to do and what to think, the more effective we can be.

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For some reason companies and employees have their home life and then their work life. 

And often, they don’t resemble each other.

Too many bosses would never treat their spouses, daughters or sons the way they treat valuable employees and, to be fair, some employees would never dream of treating their job as if they were disgusted with it.

• Mean people get fired, too.  Even CEOs.  Having a heart and being great at what you do actually makes you better. 
• Careers ebb and flow.  When we keep in mind that adversity often presents the next career opportunity, we then see the tough times as having a purpose.
• It’s always helpful to never let a toxic workplace, bad boss or intimidating co-workers change us from being the fine person we want to be.
• The number one way to a successful, happy and prosperous career is to never allow anyone cruel or insensitive to turn us into them.  People who acquire and use great skills in human relations are never down and out for long.

I once heard a psychologist say that it is never an option to quit a job you like because of people you don’t like.

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