“Leave your phone on”.

That’s how I started ever new semester with my USC students.

I said, I’m leaving my phone on and you can leave yours on, too.  But I’m not going to take calls or answer a lot of texts while I am with you teaching and you should do the same as you are learning.

Rules don’t work.

Responsibility does.

Keeping the phone in your pocket or purse during dinner, establishing a “no screen zone” a few hours before bed actually helps relationships and helps us get better sleep.

It also leads by example.

For those of us with children, it’s a bad example to scream at them when we should be taking ourselves to task.

I’m not giving up my smartphone any time soon and I’ll bet you aren’t either.

We must learn to integrate their advantages into our lives instead of let them take over.

In all my classes ever, not once did a student visibly abuse the privilege of being trusted to manage their own phones.  When it becomes a burden, we all know what to do.

It’s in our hands.

Control that which we can control – how we use our smartphones.

Subscribe   • Read Jerry’s book • More stories  • Talk to Jerry

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

But the real deal on being stronger is that it is a journey through tough times and hard feelings. 

People say things that hurt, make us vulnerable and feel rejected.

It’s natural.  It’s as predictable as sunrise and sunset and there is one sure way to cure the devastating effects of hurt feelings.

Work through them immediately. 

No rumination.

It’s okay to feel hurt.

People who act like their feelings are not hurt is almost as detrimental as those doing the hurting.  Feel it and move on.

When a boxer takes a punch they almost simultaneously throw a punch.

Humans are not punching bags.  We are strong, resourceful and agile beings capable of absorbing pain and disappointment as long as it doesn’t end there.

We must get up and fight back in the count of 10 to succeed another day.

“I think one’s feelings waste themselves in words; they ought all to be distilled into actions which bring results” – Florence Nightingale

Subscribe   • Read Jerry’s book • More stories  • Talk to Jerry

Sometimes I feel like life is getting out of control, how about you?

But the more we try to make things work out our way, the more frustrated we seem to become.

In every other way, trying harder gets better results, but when you try to get on top of things and reel them in, the exact opposite happens.

Notice how “control freaks” have few friends.

How the employer who has to have it his or her way, eventually loses their best people or their very own job.

Why children who cannot be cut free in many stages to test their wings become codependent in life.

But there is a cure.

It’s an odd one and ironic.

In giving up control, we gain control.

It is a freeing thing when we realize that by letting go we didn’t get hurt and we actually feel good.

Try it today.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us” – Joseph Campbell

Subscribe   • Read Jerry’s book • More stories  • Talk to Jerry

Don’t.

No one likes to hear that word so we should ban it from our vocabulary. 

In previous generations, people like Dale Carnegie could get away with saying “don’t criticize, condemn or complain” – a powerful message, stronger than the negative word at the start.  Back then, people cut slack to “experts” who pontificated about self-improvement.

But today, Millennials among others hate to hear what not to do right up front.  They close their ears and disregard whatever follows.

Try this instead.

Catch yourself when you are about to say “don’t” – if you’re like me, you’ll have no shortage of chances.

Once you catch yourself saying “don’t”, try to restate what you were about to say in a positive way – with a benefit attached if possible and watch how ears perk up.

Examples:

• “Don’t forget to clean up your room” is replaced by “Please do your usual great job cleaning up your room”.
• “Have that report on my desk in the morning” is out and “Our deadline is tomorrow morning – thanks for having that report ready” is in.
• “Don’t talk to me like that” is less effective than “I respond to positive talk”.
• “Don’t worry” is less effective than “Keep your chin up”.

The more we avoid words that tell people what to do and what to think, the more effective we can be.

Subscribe   • Read Jerry’s book • More stories  • Talk to Jerry

For some reason companies and employees have their home life and then their work life. 

And often, they don’t resemble each other.

Too many bosses would never treat their spouses, daughters or sons the way they treat valuable employees and, to be fair, some employees would never dream of treating their job as if they were disgusted with it.

• Mean people get fired, too.  Even CEOs.  Having a heart and being great at what you do actually makes you better. 
• Careers ebb and flow.  When we keep in mind that adversity often presents the next career opportunity, we then see the tough times as having a purpose.
• It’s always helpful to never let a toxic workplace, bad boss or intimidating co-workers change us from being the fine person we want to be.
• The number one way to a successful, happy and prosperous career is to never allow anyone cruel or insensitive to turn us into them.  People who acquire and use great skills in human relations are never down and out for long.

I once heard a psychologist say that it is never an option to quit a job you like because of people you don’t like.

Get Free Tips To Create the Life You Really Want

Subscribe   • Read Jerry’s book • More stories  • Contact the Author

Think of the focus that Olympic athletes must have to work for years and years for one chance to realize their dream – The Gold Medal.

They work through injury, disappointment, bad luck and extreme competition to get a shot at the accomplishment that drives them.

The rest of us also want our dreams to come true especially in an age of plenty in which we now live.

It’s not for the lack of wanting, it’s often our inability to see vividly in our mind’s eye that which we want to come true.

Walt Disney, the great dreamer, said, “All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them”.

1. Know your dream – if you can’t provide endless details about that which you want, you probably will never get it.
2. Focus on the most important thing that would make your life fulfilled and then assure that everything that you do – where you work, live and with whom you spend time helps you advance your dream.
3. Share it with others because as the writer Erma Bombeck said, “It takes courage to show your dreams to someone else”.

It’s great to work hard on someone else’s dream, but better to see, feel and taste the one that drives you.

If this thought made a difference, please share it with others.

Subscribe   • Read Jerry’s book • More stories  • Contact the Author

They say there are no originals ideas.

Only the same things expressed in different ways.

If that is true, then more value should be placed on what makes us different from other people instead of what makes us the same.  A lesson that should be taught to children and not lost on adults.

What makes us “original” is to be unique.

Authentic.

Able to channel our individual expression into what we do.  Unfortunately, it’s a rare workplace that rewards being “you-nique”.  Apple does.  Google does.  Zappos does.  Most do not.

So, how to be yourself when it is not always encouraged or rewarded:

• Get to know the voice inside of you and welcome it when you hear it.  The most important part of being “you-nique” is to recognize when your ideas, thoughts and actions are different from others.
• Have the courage to express your “you-nique” ideas and thoughts.  This is where good human relations pays off.  You don’t just bowl people over; you expose them to your unique thoughts by being considerate of their feelings.  How To Win Friends and Influence People is a great way to become an expert at human relations.
• Look for the uniqueness in others around you and encourage it.  It’s not just good enough for us to be the special person we want to be, we must change the environment for all.

Once you try this, everything you do will be more meaningful and real.

“Always remember that you are absolutely unique.  Just like everyone else” – Margaret Mead

If you like this message, subscribe and share it with your friends

Subscribe   • Read Jerry’s book • More stories  • Contact the Author

Our world is obsessed with happiness.

How to get it. 

How not to lose it.

How to give it to others.

Whatever works is what I call good inspiration.  Sometimes, however, we oversimplify something simple that even comes to people who have lost their focus.

1. Happiness is like a butterfly.  The more we pursue it, the more it evades us.  The answer is to sit back, let go and let it land on our shoulders.  Translated that means stop making happiness an “A” priority.  Letting go and looking for moments to be happy – now that’s the “A”.
2. We can become happy by association – when we surround ourselves with people who are grateful, centered and joyful, we cannot help but to become happy like them.  That means, we become like our environment so choose your environment carefully.
3. Even successful people don’t always look happy.  Sometimes when Tiger Woods makes an amazing putt, he is able to wipe that grin of self-satisfaction off his face so quickly, it is a shame.  The so-called golf psychologist, Dr. Bob Rotella, tells his professional golf clients to do one thing when they are playing golf – put a smile on their face.  It is amazing the results this has had for them and that we can have when we try it in our lives for a day.

“The summit of happiness is reached when a person is ready to be what he (or she) is” –Erasmus

If you like this message, subscribe and share it with your friends

Subscribe   • Read Jerry’s book • More stories  • Contact the Author

My friend used to jokingly say, “If I didn’t have bad luck, I’d have no luck at all”.

Not quite.

There is misfortune that can always be turned into opportunity down the road.  And there is self-reliance, our ability to take ownership of both the good and not so good that happens in our lives.

Bad things happen and it doesn’t take us long in life to learn this.  What we tend to have trouble with is how to turn disadvantages into advantages which is why I wrote my book Out of Bad Comes Good – The Advantages of Disadvantages.

But terminal bad luck can be cured – fairly easily.

• Take this test – spend the time to investigate anyone else’s “good luck” and you will find that it often if not always followed one or more unfortunate sequence of events – some even terrible.  In other words, persistence always leads us to good fortune eventually so this is what motivates us not to give up or turn sour.
• Talking about bad luck is of no use.   I had a dear friend who suffered from bladder cancer for years but you’d never know it.  He refused to spend more than a few seconds on the topic if you asked him about it.  Know what his secret was?  He interrupted and asked about you.  There is great wisdom in this approach to avoid being a victim.  Focus on the other person not on ills and misfortunes.

Out of bad comes good – always and in all ways.

In the meantime, there’s a good attitude to keep us prepared to succeed.

“Chance never helps those who do not help themselves” — Sophocles

If you like this message, subscribe and share it with your friends. 
I respond to reader comments here.

Subscribe   • Read Jerry’s book • More stories

Last week one of my readers shared a thought that resonated so powerfully with him that he wanted to tell me about it.

The motivational speaker Matthew Kelly coined the term “become the best version of yourself” and my reader said “Whenever I get the chance I share that line with a friend, family member or co-worker who seems to be down and out or in need of a pep talk. I am batting a thousand with that phrase, and it his truly changed my life and helped me to inspire others”.

It’s the only purpose in life that is worthy of our hard work and dedication.  We live to become a better version of the person we were yesterday.

Ironically enough, the way to get to “best” is to first take the eulogy test:

1. When you die, how do you want to be remembered?

2. What kind of a person would you have wanted to become?

3. What personal traits are you leaving to those you love the most?

4. What is your strongest attribute?

Then, live on and dedicate yourself to these things that you deem most important.

It’s impressive to be rich and die rich.

But you are rich when you can chip away at becoming better at what’s important to you.

Even our smartphones and mobile devices get better each time they are reinvented.

Shouldn’t we?

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life” – Steve Jobs

If you like this message, subscribe and share it with your friends

Subscribe   • Read Jerry’s book • More stories  • Contact the Author