Amazon boss Jeff Bezos used those words to describe – perhaps disingenuously – the plight of small book publishers who seemingly have no chance to compete against the giant Amazon.

That aside, complaining is not a strategy for anyone.

• Venting is good, obsessing about it not so useful or helpful.
• If you become less judgmental, you will likely complain less.
• Accept responsibility because it will either motivate you to fix your problem or let it go.
• The question to ask when you catch yourself getting ready to complain is would you like to complain or be happy.

I like what football coach Lou Holtz says:  “Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them”.

But you may remember Randy Pausch who famously lectured about life and death during the final days of the disease that claimed his life.  Pausch said, “Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won’t make us happier.”

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When you say, “I’m stressed” you might just as well be saying, “I am the reason I am stressed”.   Blaming circumstances or others doesn’t help as we find out over and over again.

We cannot be stressed without our own expressed permission.

Prioritize rather than multitask.

Take control over digital devices because they are wonderful tools until we let them dictate the flow of daily living.

It’s up to you to clamp down on time wasters – they will never do it voluntarily.

Drama kings and drama queens have no place in our happy lives unless we like the stress they try to bring to us.

Even big problems and/or emergencies are not stress producers.  It is the way we respond.  I chose the word respond not react.  Reacting to circumstances is stressful.  Responding is transformational.

Hurt, disappointment and heartbreak are feelings that it is okay to have but not to dwell on.

A good night’s sleep after a tough day is a stress buster. 

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Few resolutions last even through January.

Good intention, bad idea.

Here’s what agents of change do when they want a proven way to take a good intention and turn it into a life changing strategy.

Focus on only one person.

Maybe it’s you or your spouse, your boss, a child, a friend.  Think it through.  Who is the one person that if you improved your relationship would bring you more happiness and success?

A long list is useless but identifying the one person who could make a difference in your life allows you to strategize about the various ways to accomplish this.

You may not be surprised to find that many people who are successful at evolving focus on themselves.  Want to he happier?  Spend more family time?  Look for a more fulfilling job?  Want to be nicer to yourself?  More appreciative of what you have?  More resilient?  More confident?  More social?  

Change is difficult enough but without 100% focus it is likely to be unrealized.

This is an intriguing alternative.

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Colin Powell has a great way of putting it.

“In prosperity our friends know us. In adversity we know our friends.”

As the year comes to an end and we reflect on our accomplishments – and sometimes it’s an accomplishment just making it to the end of the year in one piece – beware that some people do not want us to grow. 

They are human. We are all human.  But it is better to associate with people who can help us achieve that which we desire.  What a great time to think about this!

Powell’s suggestions:

• Never receive advice from unproductive people.
• Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution because those who never succeed themselves are always the first to tell you.
• Don’t follow anyone who’s not going anywhere.

You become like those with whom you closely associate.

Are you even tougher on yourself than you should be?  We can all relate. 

Maybe we should heed Colin Powell’s advice and be tougher on who we choose as friends.

We elevate our game when we are around achievers.

Sometimes the smartest move you can make is to choose friends wisely and at the same time continue being the fine person you are.

Talk about self-gifting – that sounds like a pretty good one.

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It’s hard at holiday time – and let me just say it — to go on when there is someone missing from our lives.  This may be the first holiday that they are gone or it may be many years.  The emotion is often as strong.

We can’t bring them back – or maybe we can in a very special way.

• Recite the names of departed loved ones who are in your head on a daily basis.  As long as we do not forget, they are alive.
• Pick a trait that the people who you miss the most have and make it your life’s mission to have that trait live on through you.
• Populate your house, desk and office with pictures of people who have died so that you can see them.  I will sometimes even talk to my best friend or my father when I see the picture.  A person’s positive energy never dies.
• Make a meal that reminds you of the person you miss.  I loved my mother’s Italian cooking and every attempt I make to duplicate her great meals becomes a joyous remembrance of her.

Perhaps you will share your ways to keep the memory of someone you miss alive.

Oscar Hammerstein in the musical Carousel wrote:  “As long as there is one person on earth who remembers you, it isn’t over.

The best theory I have ever heard about that negative self-talk that plagues all of us at sometime in our lives is to put a stop/loss on rumination.

Ever notice that a person tormented by negative thinking (perhaps even ourselves) helplessly goes on and on without the hope of breaking that pattern of negative thought.  It’s hard to listen to let alone articulate.

Give it ten minutes.

That’s it – no more, no less.

When you recognize the next bout of negative thinking coming on – go ahead, indulge yourself for ten minutes.  Then it ends.  You move on and hopefully start dealing with the circumstances that have caused all this upset.

Then get away from the problems and focus on you.

Self-care is not selfish.  It is an act of love that we all deserve.

If we took even half the time that we spend on physical fitness for our emotional well being, it would make all the difference in the world.

Researchers and physicians say about half of happiness depends on genetics and the other half comes from things that occur in our everyday life although it is a short duration.

That leaves 12% that is directly in our hands – enough to swing our moods up in the direction of a happier life.

1. Little goals work as well as big life changing goals.  In fact, an endless list of goals tends to make people more consistently happy.
2. Faith, family, community and work are now identified as the main areas of concentration that can help us to influence that 12% that is actually in our hands to use.
3. Money can buy relief from poverty but it can’t buy happiness.  As I’ve suggested before, researchers say that anything over $80,000 a year in compensation doesn’t make individuals happier.  And, of course, The Beatles were right that money can’t buy us love.
4. Satisfaction at work or career goes a long way toward fulfilling that extra 12% of happiness that is within our control.

And here is a little known secret that was shared with me that I now want to share with you.

When we get our minds off of ourselves – even for just a little time every day – and concentrate on others, we immediately become happier.  It’s anti-intuitive to most because it doesn’t directly lead to a resolution of our problem at hand.  But it works.

The first day I tried this I was desperate – everything had seemingly gone wrong.  Focus on others and it is the gift of enlightenment about the elusiveness of happiness.

Christmas is the Christian celebration of the birth of Christ and yet over the past few decades the holiday (some say, “holy” day) has become more secular.

The malls are open but the stores are not as decked out because many of the investment banks that own retail outlets have their bottom line to watch.

This year, financial experts say that the soft economy is impacting the amount of money that can be spent on giving Christmas gifts to others but ironically, at the same time, the practice of self-gifting is growing rapidly.

Presents for yourself.

And retailers are tapping into this (remember, I said this whole thing has become more secular).  Apple is going to be joining lots of other companies with post-Christmas promotions aimed at the giver.  In other words, the 12 days of Christmas has become the 12 days after the 25^th when we can spend the money we got or saved at Christmas.

This is how it is, but there is another type of self-gifting that costs nothing and delivers great rewards:

• Give yourself a break.  Promise yourself many days when you get off your own back.  Perhaps the greatest gift of all is self-forgiveness.  We are human.  We do our best.  We can do better.  But we have done all we can for now.
• Give yourself an IOU.  Every time you do something well, make a significant accomplishment or handle a difficult promise, issue an IOU to yourself to redeem the next time you need a boost of confidence.
• Give your love.  We live in a world focused on being loveable, getting love or having more of it.  Start with yourself.  Let me help.  Finish this sentence:  “I love this about myself”.   How many of these can you come up with?
• Give yourself the gift of dreaming.  Everything good started with a dream from someone whether it is a relationship, a movement, a cause or a business.
• Give yourself the gift of hope.  Life without hope is actually death.  As long as we’re here and we’re on this earth, all things are possible.

Self-gifting at stores before and after Christmas can be fun, but if we’re going to give ourselves a gift, make it one that lasts for a long time to come.

We do more to find ways to live longer than we do to live better.

For some reason, we like diets, and vitamins, exercise, yoga, psychotherapy, medicine and even religion to add more years onto our lives.

Whether you are 18 or 88, the desire is always there.  A Mayo Clinic physician once told me that people who abuse their health often say, “you have to die from something” until it’s time to die.  

Why wait for that doomsday scenario when we can add more productive years to our lives starting right now — today.

By not living a day without an accomplishment, you guarantee more productive years.

Let’s do the math.

If you add up all the days in the past year when you’ve had all you can do to handle life’s problems or at best not accomplish any of your goals, it could be considered a day you’d like to live over.

Multiply that times your life expectancy and you’ve discovered the secret to adding more productive years by making each day one of accomplishment.  Then, if you’re blessed with good health, good genes and a longer lifetime, it gets even better.

When people die they never regret the time they spent well but they almost always wish they could have back the time they squandered.

My own personal goal is to set some goals (business, personal, health and family) everyday and shoot for at least one accomplishment a day.

Live life with no regrets.

There it was in a New York Times article about Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi Scheme victims five years later.

A man who sold his business and put the proceeds in the ill-fated Madoff scheme said, “When your life gets altered overnight, you realize you don’t have to keep doing everything you’ve been doing.  You don’t need to belong to a country club, or drive an expensive car or buy expensive jewelry”.

Previously I have written about studies that show any more than $80,000 a year is more than you need to be happy.

You may not agree, but the majority of those polled did not assess their own lives as being happier because they earned more money, had more things, went to more places.

Often when people simplify their lives, they increase their happiness and now we know that there is research evidence to back it up.

So, for those of us who have seen our world overturned, there is hope.

I used to tell my USC music industry students that Hollywood was filled with people who have more money than you could ever dream of but far less happiness.

In fact, even if our lives aren’t altered overnight, the remedy is the same.

Do more of the things you crave and not earn more money at the expense of happiness.

Money is a good thing.  It’s just not a happiness pill.