Casey Kasem died on Father’s Day.

As Father’s Day approached, the iconic radio personality was in hospice care taken off all food and liquid and preparing for death.

Anyone who has had an experience with hospice knows what a special moment this can be.

But in the case of the warring Kasem family (wife vs. children of a previous marriage), life is uglier than death.

I’m not going to take sides because I don’t have all the information, but I’m feeling that somehow, some way, the battling survivors should have woken up and realized once and for all that Casey Kasem’s death is not all about them.

Whenever the courts get involved – even if there is reason – the family is creating or allowing a disrespectful death of a loved one.  Sometimes there is no choice.  Maybe this is one of those cases.  But Casey Kasem deserved better.

Call a truce – work together – handle differences better.

The man who was known for saying, “keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars” is speaking to them.

In the Kasem family that advice would come in handy.

For the rest of us, the death of a loved one is a painful reminder that passing from this world hopefully into a better place is not about us, it’s about them.

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Father’s Day was created as a compliment to Mother’s Day over 100 years ago.

Today, with virtual communication and Skype, almost every father can receive the greeting that he appreciates.

For those of us who have lost a father, Father’s Day can be a time for reflection and a remembrance of one of their good qualities.  My dad was a straight arrow as honest a man as I have ever known.  I’m going to take a moment Sunday to celebrate this unique man as he lives in my memory.

It’s not about dinners or parties – it can be, don’t get me wrong – but it doesn’t have to be a party or dinner day. 

A phone call.

An email, Skype or special Instagram.

Maybe simply saying in person or in a text why you love that person.

But the world is not always perfect and all fathers are not created equal.  Some folks suffer because of a relationship that they could not have with their father for whatever reason.

Bring joy into the lives of those you honor while they are still in your lives.

Take a moment and remember a quality that you like or respect about dad if he is no longer here.

And to the person who took the place of a father that was not worthy of your respect or absent from your life, take the day to show gratitude to the person who filled the void and made all the difference in the world.

Yes, it can even be mom.

By focusing attention in the present.

You can choose to be focused at this very moment.

A Harvard study reveals our mind is wandering 47% of the time.  It could be as high as 50-80% of the time.

If you’ve every started a book or article and don’t know what is in it, you are experiencing the default setting of the mind in which our mind wanders.  The mind is automatically distracted.

Choose to look for beauty around you.

Positive things.

People to appreciate.

Discovering something new – feel it, see it in color, smell.

Appreciating something old before it vanishes from our lives.

Humans are usually not thinking happy thoughts.

And we are less happy when our mind wanders.

Mind wandering can be good for some things such as channeling our creativity, but it is a place to visit and not live permanently.

For more happiness, try choosing to focus your mind this day and experience the difference.

Share with a friend ….

Adults text while driving more than teens.

Half of all surveyed in an AT&T poll admitted it versus only 43% of teens.

Worse yet, 98% of the adults surveyed admit that it’s wrong and they do it anyway.

Two big lessons here.

One, when we make assumptions (for example, that younger people text more than adults) we are going on bad information.

Two, we underestimate the failure of adults to take a positive role in the use of digital devices (i.e., texting while driving, use of cellphone in the presence of children at dinner, texting as distraction from child rearing, etc.).

There are about 10 million teen drivers and 180 million adult drivers.

I always said I’d rather be driving near a young person who is texting because their reactions times are quicker than adults.

That would be a wrong assumption – see how easy it is to go off bad information?

State Farm takes a safe driving course around to high schools and tests students’ ability to react while texting in an off-road test situation.

Not one of them has ever been able to stop their simulators in time to avoid a crash.

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The fast and free flow of information at our desks, on our screens and in the palm of our hands is advancing a new form of burnout.

Multitasking is not the answer.

Focused attention is.

But life along with personal and work commitments make it tough to put our great digital tools where they belong – as an aid not a lifestyle.

Some thoughts:

1. Take breaks more often – get up, walk around, get the blood circulating and refresh.
2. Spend at least one morning or afternoon each week on thinking and reflecting.  This world is too busy for most of us to take time to make decisions on that which we want unless time is put aside.
3. Take control of your email, texting and social media.  One sentence responses are often enough.  Not all mail needs to be answered and Twitter doesn’t own you – or at least, it shouldn’t.  Addictive habits pertaining to digital devices need an intervention only you can perform.
4. Schedule an escape from reality.  My escape is the beach or a fabulous paradise named Longwood Gardens in Kennett Square, PA.  A DuPont estate that has been turned into gardens and arboretums.  A cellphone automatically becomes only a camera on the long walks and discovery tours.
5. Give the same focused attention to people who are important in your life as you give to your Galaxy or iPhone.  In life only relationships really matter in the end.  No one dying says, wish I could have missed my children growing up more.  They regret it.

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I’ve been married more than once so you may want to skip my advice today.

Or, on the other hand you might value the lessons I’ve observed from people who have unusually good marriages.

1. It is not necessary for you and your partner to be the same or agree on everything.  In fact, diversity is the spice of many marriages.  The only thing you need to agree on is shared values.
2. There are no male or female roles.  That world thankfully has ended.  Doing 50% of the everyday work is always the goal.  It doesn’t matter who cooks, mows the lawn or changes the diapers.  If there is relationship work to do, people with great marriages dive in and do it.
3. Pursue a sense of adventure.  Most of life is lived at work or home.  The other element is going on small adventures together.  I’m not talking about a vacation (although that qualifies), but little things like the search for new flowers to plant in front of your house or finding a new place to have a latte.  Or, joining a group together to help others.
4. Encourage do not discourage dreams.  Tomorrow’s reality is today’s dream.  When we lose our ability to keep dreaming together we consign ourselves to a relationship so predictable that is has worn out its usefulness.
5. Work on your marriage as if it were your career.  Few couples do that.  That’s why we keep looking for love in all the wrong places when it is right there in front of us.
6. Formalize the gratitude you have for each other.  Many couples have a hard time with the words “thank you” – perhaps you’ve noticed.  “Thank you” is good but finding a time each day – maybe when you’re grabbing coffee and something to eat in the morning – to tell your mate why you are grateful that they are in your life.  Make it real.  Leave the corn for the cornflakes.
7. See your children as a work of art – a creative process involving their individuality and the positive influence of your relationship together.  Always keep marveling at what the end result will be when you drop them off at college.
8. The road to a good marriage is always under construction.  It is a work in progress and never a final destination.

People leave relationships because others give them the things they wish they had with their partner.

Researchers have determined that the chemical in our brain that keeps us on the high we feel when we first meet our life’s partner never last more than two years.

It doesn’t mean that we can no longer be attracted or in love.

It means we need a Plan B for the rest of our lives together to grow a deeper love.

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Be grateful for someone in your life.

Choose for this to happen.

Do it 5 or 10 times and it becomes a positive state of being.

Focus on the most important aspect of your life – your relationships – not material things.

Be specific.

Name the person.

Remind yourself of the reason why you are grateful for having them in your lives.

You may be a block away from school to pick up your son or daughter.  Why are you grateful to have them in your life this day?  It will change the way you relate to each other when they hop in.

The salesperson who made it possible for you to replace your damaged cellphone for free – it’s not that you managed to get a new phone.  Someone managed to help you get a new phone.  A big difference and something for which to show gratitude.

Your spouse is getting home ahead of you, preparing dinner.  See him or her in vivid terms, hear their voice and say why you are grateful to have them in your life. 

Living a happier life is not one big thing.

It’s many little things.

Everything good that can happen to us in this world starts with being grateful for the people in our lives.

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We all have a great motivation to changing the way we deal with mean people for if we don’t, we can easily become more like them.

Be more compassionate of their faults.

If your ex is hurting you, first say “It must be awful for him or her to have to hurt the people they love”. 

An employer who makes your life miserable because they lie or are insensitive to your needs or input is a person you should pity at the next sign of bad behavior.  Something like – “What a waste – to hate instead of appreciate“.

Or “That SOB that just cut me off almost killed me, let’s hope his family is not in the situation he put me into”. 

Being compassionate to mean people is not condoning it or allowing any kind of abuse to continue.

Taking a second to rise above is the gift you will give yourself to prevent you from retaliating in a similarly mean way. 

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Yoga and meditation are very effective ways to help some people focus on the now.

For many, staying in the present is difficult to do and often they end up spending too much time dwelling on the past or overly concerned about tomorrow.

If you’re like me, you might find this an effective way to focus on the only thing that can bring you happiness – what is happening now.

Think of the past as an old steel file cabinet, the kind that used to be prevalent before we started keeping files on computers.

It’s good to refer back to files from time to time, but not to keep your head buried in them.  When that happens, close the drawer and return to the present.

Looking ahead is invaluable to making good decisions, but If you’re spending too much time in the future, be conscious of the time you spend looking forward to things that may never happen and return to your life at this very moment.

The past and the future are not your life.  What is happening here and now is the only thing that matters.

Avoid the black hole of the past or the never-never land of the future by always returning to the present.

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Successful entrepreneurs are often not very nice people.

Headstrong.

Unwilling to listen to the input of others.

Human relations that make you want to hate them.

And yet they are often so critical to the success of businesses that they are at least tolerated if not adored.

There are lots of stories about Steve Jobs.

His temper, impetuousness, bad manners, sense of entitlement and even lack of consideration.

He routinely parked in the handicapped spot at Apple and drove his California car without a license plate.

But Apple is the great company it is because they do things well.

Customer service, sales, support.

And Apple employees are among the happiest of modern day corporations.

So how do you earn your next promotion?

Be an expert at effective human relations.

See every person as different and you make the key that unlocks their potential.

Give credit rather than take it.

Listen to the ideas of others.

And most importantly, be authentic – the number one quality we should all work on every day.

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