Just wanting something does not at all mean we will get it.

Seeing that dream vividly in your mind’s eye is more effective.

You don’t want to get rich, you want to visualize in vivid color pictures what wealth means to you. 

You don’t want a promotion, it’s much more motivating to see what title you want on your business card.

It doesn’t work to say you just want to be happy – what specifically does happy look like for you?  Can you paint the picture in all its color?

Back to money – everyone wants more but few ever get enough because they fail to see vividly in their mind’s eye why that money is important so the journey to earn it often becomes the destination.

The only thing worth your sweat and blood is that which you can visualize.

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I have a friend who always thinks the worst thing is going to happen to him.

He cannot even enjoy his successes.

Self-sabotage is lowering the bar so low that it becomes easier to succeed.

But my friend never enjoys his victories.

I’ve known him for a long time and in college he always thought he failed the test but was frequently the one who got the A.

Attacking yourself – and that’s what self-sabotage really is – is not how to live a happy and successful life.

If it’s worth your time, it’s worth your positive energy and hard work.

Whatever happens happens but you’ve done your best.

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Why is it that we criticize ourselves often worse than someone else could?

Does expecting the worst make it easier if things don’t work out?

Or is being overly optimistic just as dangerous because you’re flirting with a potentially bigger letdown if you don’t meet or exceed expectations?

Keeping expectations low and within reason and motivation high is the winning formula.

Expect the worst and you’ll likely get it.

Expect success and you’ll often be disappointed.

But expect the best possible effort that you can muster – that’s a winning plan.

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When a student tells their parents “I got 4 A’s and a B”, often the first response is “what did you get the B in?”  Not tell me about your report card.

For every “I got the promotion”, often the first comment is “how much more does it pay?” not “that’s great news – tell me about it.”

“I’m a finalist” often evokes “who else are you competing against and/or what are your chances?” instead of a simple and enthusiastic “congratulations – well done”.

The default setting is increasingly negative.

Lifting up and not running down is positive enforcement.

You want to be the person doing all the “lifting”.

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Doubts mean absolutely nothing – unless you listen to them.

Doubts are excuses to fear the future and make a case for why something will not turn out right.

Happy, successful people don’t allow themselves to harbor doubts.

Their language does not include “can’t” or “won’t” because doubting yourself is like shooting yourself in the foot before the race begins.

To overcome doubts, eliminate them from every aspect of life and give yourself a better chance to succeed.

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If you don’t, how can you expect anyone else to?

Failure to do so means you are outsourcing what you believe to be true to someone else who can never be in your shoes.

The hardest thing to do especially when the stakes get higher is to trust your instincts but it should be the other way around.  It should be easy, second-nature, automatic.

Your instincts are your inner gift – pay attention, empower and trust your inner wisdom.

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A recent article in The New York Times “The Best Deal Is What You Give Away” was written by a woman recalling her childhood and the time her father wanted to sell his car, a 1978 Chrysler LeBaron.

The father wanted $1,000 but he looked to his daughter as a “de facto adviser” and the daughter recommended he charge a higher price — $1,200.

In the end the buyer showed up with his two daughters and peeled off $1,200 in hundred dollar bills.  The father hesitated to pocket the money and eventually handed $200 back to the buyer and said “Please, you must take your daughters to Disneyland and buy them whatever they want”.  The man was “confused” but eventually acceded to the seller’s demand.

And therein was a powerful lesson I share today:

“When you have what you need, use the rest to bring joy into someone else’s life.  That is the best deal you could ever make.”

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Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin has his hands full this football season.

Lost his quarterback to injury, the drama of losing star player Antonio Brown and an 0-3 start to the NFL season.  And the recent helmet swing attack on the Steelers quarterback.

When he coached the players back to .500 Tomlin won kudos from them for his ability to motivate his players and get the best out of them in a trying situation.

His players admired his consistency day by day.

Working our way through adversity takes strength of mind – accepting the disadvantages we must accept, dealing with them all the while maintaining positivity and some standard to succeed once again.

Out of bad comes good.

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So, here is how I remember my mother who I miss every day and even more so on family holidays.

I make one of her favorite recipes (not as good as she could but still..) and just smelling the garlic (after all, she was Italian), makes me smile and feel her presence.

The fond memories and love we have for those who are no longer with us can be brought to life with a picture prominently placed, a story lovingly told or a meal in their memory.

It’s not just food, it can be taking the time to remember joy not just loss.

Even death isn’t going to kill my happy memories of those family and friends who have been lost too soon and remembering is as easy as happily recalling them into our present lives.

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Be the one to speak up in front everyone else and say, “Thank you for making this Thanksgiving dinner so wonderful”.

If someone is preparing the meal, they will be moved to tears.

If your host is taking your family to dinner, they will be speechless to hear the praise that usually goes without saying but is more meaningful when someone steps up and puts it into words.

It should be simple.  Thanksgiving is about thanks.  When everyone is gathered together, offer praise and appreciation and you will set the tone for a very happy, meaningful meal together.

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