We can’t.
But few among us don’t fritter away wasted time trying.
The sure way to an unhappy life is to try to change another person.
Accept them with what you perceive as flaws and all and help them without being judgmental or with a goal to transform them because in the end no human has ever permanently changed another person – not with power over them, money or influence.
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Forgive them and forget them.
Forgive them so that the anger that they provoke does not turn you into them.
And forget them because no good can come from embracing or engaging anyone you feel is your enemy.
The power of forgiveness has two very potent benefits.
One, it lets you rid yourself of mean people.
Two, it gives you the gift of letting go.
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As George Bernard Shaw said “To have the leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not.”
It is why busy people are less unhappy even though they carry their problems with them.
The more we worry about worry, the more worried we become.
There is no need to obsess over fears and worry because that just multiplies the problem and offers no solution.
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Confidence only seems to be high when things are going well.
The trick is to think like a winner when adversity strikes.
Ceding success and happiness to luck is a rollercoaster ride not worth the thrill.
Believing, remembering, projecting the next victory large or small is true confidence.
Savor every opportunity to feel good about feeling confidence in yourself.
Then when things get tough, double down on your conviction to bounce back.
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The world’s not perfect, but it’s not that bad
If we got each other, and that’s all we have
I will be your brother, and I’ll hold your hand
You should know I’ll be there for you
When the world’s not perfect
When the world’s not kind
If we have each other then we’ll both be fine
I will be your brother, and I’ll hold your hand
You should know I’ll be there for you
“If We Have Each Other” By Alec Benjamin / Alex Hope
© Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner Chappell Music, Inc
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My father lost his leg to disease.
I was with him on the night before the surgery wondering why he didn’t talk about the planned amputation in the morning. I was more worried than he was if that was possible.
Following surgery and rehab, he was fitted for a prosthesis, drove a car (it was his right leg that was amputated so he had a special adapted accelerator on the left side under the steering wheel).
He wallpapered rooms (a one-legged paperhanger he used to say). Planted and harvested a garden every year. Worked. Did almost anything everyone else did.
I’m sure he wished that he had his leg back (and he did complain of phantom pains in his foot that no longer existed – something doctors said was normal). But he never talked about that.
He accepted the inevitable because he knew there was no way to change it.
In our lives with perhaps lesser challenges, it is still important to know what can be changed and what cannot and to accept what cannot to live a full, happy life.
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Are you the person who walks into a meeting and sits in the back of the room or the far end of the table?
The person with confidence assumes the air of confidence and walks right to the front row even if no one else is sitting in it.
The funny thing about confidence is you can read books and watch videos of other people but there is no substitute for practicing it every day in every way.
Confidence can’t be coached.
It can only be experienced in real time.
Not only will others notice but more importantly you will feel it as well.
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Penn Medicine in Philadelphia has an innovative way to infuse lasting recognition in their workers.
Each employee is rated by fellow employees who describe the qualities they like best in that person. Then the favorable comments are listed on a framed document that hangs in their workplace for them to see and for patients to be introduced to them.
The best recognition comes from peers and it has the most lasting positive effect on everyone in the work environment.
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All worries are not created equal, but that is not to say we prioritize what we fear by worrying about the most serious first.
Even trivial worries get the same amount of anxiety.
If each worry got a priority – major, important but not critical, irritating but trivial, etc. – anxiety could be reduced immediately on the spot.
The problem with worry is that it all feels bad even though our fears don’t take on the same importance. After a while, all worry becomes the same and becomes overwhelming.
We slap tags on everything else, why not worry?
By putting worries in their proper place this morning, you can feel some relief by the end of the day.
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The goal is not the final destination.
The journey is the goal because in pursuit you may alter it, discover a better one or decide that after some thought what you were shooting for is not worth the sacrifice.
This matters because goal-setters tend to fashion their lives to chase one goal that they may or may not eventually accomplish.
The secret is to establish goals in our daily lives as a means of discovery and accomplishment.
There is no finish line. Just the pursuit of excellence.
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