Only 40% of our happiness is in the genes, the other 60% is up to us supported by research in The Journal of Happiness Studies.

“[It’s] completely possible to rewire our brains for happiness … You have a choice.  It’s no different than deciding what to wear or what food to order.  When it comes to happiness, there’s a lot we can do about it.”

The words of Santa Monica psychotherapist Susan Zinn who suggests:

• Abandoning the pursuit of perfection.
• Volunteer, laugh, feel grateful, eat well, exercise and connect with a higher power.
• Be spontaneous and enjoy short-term pleasures to achieve peace of mind.

More than half our happiness is from nurture not nature according to Zinn.

Bucket lists are a popular way to live the life you want to the fullest so why not make one for COVID isolation.

• Accept the feeling of loss and even anger and let go of anxiety that makes close quarters isolation even tougher. 

• Spend more time in the present – being close together does mean being closer in relationships. Cultivate periods of 100% presence with others not just being close by.

• Practice gratitude by thinking about those who have it worse and the simple joy of survival as an individual, family or group of people.

Fear, anger and anxiety fades when you focus on acquiring skills needed to endure and by letting go of the roadblocks to acceptance.

This says it all about showing kindness a main part of your life from Dr. Amit Sood, the resiliency trainer at Mayo Clinic:

“When you are wishing somebody well, you are wishing two people well … One person is the person you’re wishing well… and the other is yourself.” 

The world is tougher than ever but the solution for making it nicer one person at a time is to be an advocate for someone else and share in the benefits.

Okay, here it is –

Spend two minutes with your family or friends at the end of each day but here’s the trick – treat them like you haven’t seen them in a month!

We’ve been on top of each other since last March so it is understandably difficult to show the enthusiasm and person-centered interest to those close to us as we may have been able to do prior.

The script is:  “I am about to come in contact with some special people and I am going to make them the sole focus of my attention at the end of each day.

Another technique that breeds gratitude which makes us feel better is to not get out of bed before thinking of five people who are a big part of your life who care about you.

Worth a try?

If you’re like most of us, you’ve probably been on your own back for years.

How did that work out?

Try approving of yourself instead.

This is not an act of arrogance but a source of gratitude for the things you bring to the table.

Self-criticism doesn’t work but finding ways to be more approving of yourself does. 

When you have no hope, you tend to see anything you can do to change things as hope-less.

• Get your mind off yourself
• Initiate an act of kindness – As crazy as that may sound doing acts of kindness for others increases the serotonin in the brain acting as an anti-depressant and stress reliever.
• Focus on what has worked out for you in life – to obsess over things that didn’t work out or that are painful creates more hopelessness.

Imagine outcomes in your mind’s eye that work out for you instead of replaying scenarios that didn’t – that’s a positive step toward cultivating hope instead of despair.

The more we worry, the more stressed we become.

The more stress, the more cortisol our brains make leading to health problems.

We worry because we learn to worry but we can unlearn it as well.

• 99% of the time what we worry about never happens
• The 1% when it does, it rarely happens the way we think
• Replace worrying with thinking with your head not your heart.
• For every worry no matter how large or small, you need a suitable plan to deal with it.

Concern is forethought – worry is fear thought.

Athletes benefit from their “free agency mindset” in which they see their skills as a marketable benefit.

Non-pro athletes should, too.

Not testing the market with our skills is leaving money and happiness on the table.

• • Everyone knows their strong suit – test the market.
  • There is no such thing as the right time – the right time is when someone believes they need you.
  • Becoming a “free agent” doesn’t always mean it’s time to leave a job but can serve to confirm staying another year.

Most people don’t look for their next job until they’ve lost their last job but with a “free agent” mentality, you’re always where you are supposed to be.

If you want to get something done, give it to a busy person to do.

As crazy as that sounds, it’s true because people who stay busy tend to measure their happiness by productivity.

Another benefit:  Busy people suffer from less anxiety and depression.

• My NYU college students are already onto this epiphany even during midterms, a pressure-filled time even without a pandemic – that the more they focus on getting things done, the less time they have to worry.

The brain is all-powerful – if we keep it actively engaged in productive things, it rewards us by lowering our anxiety.

Don’t fear being too busy, be concerned about too much time to worry.

It’s hard to find good news even after seven months but there are reasons for hope.

• We’ve all made it through seven months with most remaining healthy.
• The horrible pandemic of 1918 went away after a few years with people adapting to new rules of engagement in the meantime.
• Adversity always brings good (I wrote a book on this topic) – therefore if we tough it out and deal with this health crisis together, there is a reward at the end of it all.

College students are anxious and depressed because their lives have been interrupted, they are not having fun and they worry about graduating into a market with few jobs.

COVID is not just an inconvenience or a pause, it is a disruptor of life as it used to be and 100 years ago it launched another decade of prosperity giving all of us a reason to have hope.