If I asked you this one question, could you answer it without a pause – “what are you trying to accomplish?”

It’s funny that when we’re asked what we don’t like – pick any topic – we can’t wait to elucidate.

It’s virtually impossible to set a meaningful goal without knowing what it is first.

In Dale Carnegie Training problem solving begins with this question “what is the problem” because human nature being what it is, our tendency is to start coming up with solutions even before we can clearly state the problem.

The same with goal setting.

Think of a smartphone with a Waze or Google Maps app on it – even today’s technology requires us to clearly state where we want to go before we see the path to get there.

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When you need a brain surgeon, you only want a perfectionist which is why if you’ve ever noticed anyone who needs a doctor usually describes him/her as “the best”.

But perfection in everything can be toxic.  It causes us to turn into task masters that are not easy to work with and often makes winning cooperation more difficult.

This doesn’t mean accepting less than the best.

When two sports teams oppose each other, they are not worried about perfection, they are obsessed with winning the game.

Life is similar  – it’s about winning not becoming a person so obsessed with perfection that they cannot see that they are already ahead.

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People can control their attitude.

Their reputation.

The ability to filter out negative crosstalk that seeps into their heads.

But controlling people cannot be done in spite of the fact that almost everyone keeps trying to do it – it drives people away and makes the controller unhappy.

Attitudes can be controlled, people cannot be.

The only way to get control of anything is to give up control – accept that which you cannot change.

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Hate your enemies and you become them.

Forgive but don’t forget and you rise above them.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting.

Letting go of the pain they inflict feels so much better than holding on to something that continually hurts and makes us more like the people we detest.

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“I was thinking about you”

We think about people in our lives every day, but do we tell them?

Share it – you’re already thinking it. 

This is one phrase that is effective in any form of communication – text, phone, in-person or video.

Action step:  make one minute or less QuickTime video and send it to the person you are thinking about.

If someone puts you down, they are a fool.

If you put yourself down by underestimating your potential and accomplishments, you are the bigger fool.

Allowing others to tear you down is self-destruction.

No one succeeds who doubts themselves.

Keep trying to change someone and you will always be miserable.

Change their politics.

Their priorities.

Their goals.

Their beliefs.

It cannot be done.

Concentrate on the one person you can change – you.

1. Think of your latest victory.
2. And how you do your best to handle adversity.
3. Recall a success in dealing with difficult people.
4. Forgive yourself for not being perfect.
5. For what and for whom are you grateful to have in your life at this moment.

The opposite of FOMO is going on an adventure and experiencing the unexpected.

FOMO has been proven to add anxiety to everyday living.

Lower expectations and set off on an adventure, give up control and let whatever happens happen.

Replace fear of missing out with willingness to go all in.

One key doesn’t open every lock and there is no one way to get people to cooperate – it takes a different key to unlock people.

Sometimes it’s not even a key, but a FOB.  Assuming that one way to win cooperation from any someone will work on everyone will lead to disappointment.  Every person requires different things.  So the idea is not to use a master key to get the best out of people but to carry around a bunch of keys that will inspire others to follow you.