Most people have no problem articulating all their shortcomings – after all, they’ve probably heard them from the lips of others.

Rerunning negative thoughts over again produces more negative thoughts.

Flip that.

What are you good at?  Why do people trust you?  What is the chief advantage you have as a person?

For the rest of this day – double down on them.

They are real, true, sources of great pride and a master motivator to unlocking other strengths – the ones you didn’t even know you have.

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My accountant was a negative guy with whom to play golf.

He would hit the ball straight and far down the fairway and then as he was choosing his next club, he would say “on in 2 and 3 putts”.  For those who don’t play golf, if you’re on the green in two shots, you would not even think you would need three putts to hole out.

He played down to his negativity.

I hope he didn’t say “here’s your tax bill, now multiple it by 3 and you’re good”.  Of course not.

Self-sabotage is the worst kind of negativity and yet we all do it either out of fear, or I believe lack of confidence.

If we can’t stay positive on ourselves, how can we expect others to treat us that way.

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Rick Allen, the heavy metal rock band Def Leppard’s drummer, didn’t want to be near people when he had an auto accident in 1984 that caused his left arm to be amputated.

He asked his brother for his stereo while in the hospital and it was then that he realized that he might still be able to play the drums as a one-armed drummer.

Allen continued to play with the band during its most commercially successful period.

What he learned was that he could no longer compare himself to others.

That he is unique and can only be compared to Rick Allen.

There’s someone better, smarter, more attractive, funnier, richer and on and on but in the end it doesn’t really matter.

Like Rick Allen, compare yourself to you and only you to see the real growth that keeps you motivated.

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Wait 5 seconds before you answer in person.

10 seconds before rereading a text before hitting send.

Always re-read email before sending.

If the mail is emotional or contentious, wait 12 hours, re-read it and chances are you will not send it (just writing it may have done the job for you without the acrimony that is sure to follow).

Effective communicators listen or read before attempting a response.

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Stress, anxiety, fear and worry get compounded as we face each new day as we hold on to the previous day’s problems.

Here’s how a one-day vacation from all that works:

• Accept no new worries, fear, stress or anxiety for 24 hours by learning how to feel the stress coming on and pushing it until tomorrow. No exceptions.  It’s a day off from worry.
• Previous days worries and stress are also put on hold for the day.

The toughest part is recognizing the building anxiety as it is happening but as you do, push it off until tomorrow.

When you resume worrying, being fearful again, being down with anxiety and stress, your one-day vacation will provide a fresh look at problems.

Some will go away.  Some will remain, but training the brain to take a short break from emotional distress is an act of personal kindness you deserve.

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When companies succeed and wish to keep that success going, they often play it safe and imitate what they are doing that is working.

A radio station that rises to the top and knocks off competitors usually doubles down on what they did to get there.

Same is true of individuals.

When we succeed, we get overly cautious and reduce risk by keeping things exactly the same.

The thing is imitating yourself is the antithesis of success.

What got you to the top of your game will not keep you there.

Taking chances, trying something new and even disrupting your approach is probably what earned you success in the first place.

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When we hop on the Peloton machine or start a brisk workout, we push ourselves to build strength (remember “no pain, no gain”).

With Peloton or the new Mirror, users can compete with others in real-time and get coaching (even shouting) to help reach new levels of fitness.

For some reason when we want to build emotional strength (better self-esteem, more confidence, etc.), the mental workout is weak.

Just as in physical fitness, emotional fitness requires getting out of our comfort zone and someone to push us again and again to break the habits that have been resulting in weak emotional intelligence.

To be more confident, acting it out in real-time is more effective than talking about it first (studies have proven this).

There is no emotional growth without producing a stretch first.

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A team of Hungarian scientists did a study that concluded that what we say and how we say it are important – as it turns out both to dogs and humans.

They used words of praise and neutral words like “if” and “yet”.  You can read about the study here.

In our high-tech world, we may not even hear words, just read them which means a potent tool for communication is being lost.  Or we may just use an emoji.

What we say and how we say it matters.

It’s been said that a trainer throws a seal a fish as a reward for performing a trick.

Now, we’re finding it may be even easier to communicate praise to those we care about if we also consider the importance of the way it sounds.

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You know, you hear the words, the melody, the beat and it repeats over and over and it’s hard to stop it.

That’s exactly what happens when we focus on criticism – we repeat it over and over just like a song we can’t get out of our heads.

Sometimes we’re the critic – that’s not being nice to ourselves.  Often, it’s the hurtful words of someone else that marinates in our brain.

Change the station.

Program something positive (example: “I am a good listener”, “I care about people”, “I want to succeed”) and let those lyrics play as long as they want over and over again to help become a more positive person. 

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The co-owner of our favorite fish store is the nicest person – every time we walk out, Cheryl and I say the same thing over and over – “what a nice person.”

Yet not all customers are nice to her – she gets chewed out, corrected, directed and sometimes outright insulted in spite of her sunny disposition.

Do we have a responsibility to make others happy if they won’t let us?

Or is it better to be the person you want to be 100% of the time no matter what the response?

Being liked shouldn’t require an election or a popup survey to see how you’re doing.

Your vote is the only one that counts.

Have you done all you can to be your best self?

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