If you’re like most of us, you’ve probably been on your own back for years.

How did that work out?

Try approving of yourself instead.

This is not an act of arrogance but a source of gratitude for the things you bring to the table.

Self-criticism doesn’t work but finding ways to be more approving of yourself does. 

When you have no hope, you tend to see anything you can do to change things as hope-less.

• Get your mind off yourself
• Initiate an act of kindness – As crazy as that may sound doing acts of kindness for others increases the serotonin in the brain acting as an anti-depressant and stress reliever.
• Focus on what has worked out for you in life – to obsess over things that didn’t work out or that are painful creates more hopelessness.

Imagine outcomes in your mind’s eye that work out for you instead of replaying scenarios that didn’t – that’s a positive step toward cultivating hope instead of despair.

The more we worry, the more stressed we become.

The more stress, the more cortisol our brains make leading to health problems.

We worry because we learn to worry but we can unlearn it as well.

• 99% of the time what we worry about never happens
• The 1% when it does, it rarely happens the way we think
• Replace worrying with thinking with your head not your heart.
• For every worry no matter how large or small, you need a suitable plan to deal with it.

Concern is forethought – worry is fear thought.

Athletes benefit from their “free agency mindset” in which they see their skills as a marketable benefit.

Non-pro athletes should, too.

Not testing the market with our skills is leaving money and happiness on the table.

• • Everyone knows their strong suit – test the market.
  • There is no such thing as the right time – the right time is when someone believes they need you.
  • Becoming a “free agent” doesn’t always mean it’s time to leave a job but can serve to confirm staying another year.

Most people don’t look for their next job until they’ve lost their last job but with a “free agent” mentality, you’re always where you are supposed to be.

If you want to get something done, give it to a busy person to do.

As crazy as that sounds, it’s true because people who stay busy tend to measure their happiness by productivity.

Another benefit:  Busy people suffer from less anxiety and depression.

• My NYU college students are already onto this epiphany even during midterms, a pressure-filled time even without a pandemic – that the more they focus on getting things done, the less time they have to worry.

The brain is all-powerful – if we keep it actively engaged in productive things, it rewards us by lowering our anxiety.

Don’t fear being too busy, be concerned about too much time to worry.

It’s hard to find good news even after seven months but there are reasons for hope.

• We’ve all made it through seven months with most remaining healthy.
• The horrible pandemic of 1918 went away after a few years with people adapting to new rules of engagement in the meantime.
• Adversity always brings good (I wrote a book on this topic) – therefore if we tough it out and deal with this health crisis together, there is a reward at the end of it all.

College students are anxious and depressed because their lives have been interrupted, they are not having fun and they worry about graduating into a market with few jobs.

COVID is not just an inconvenience or a pause, it is a disruptor of life as it used to be and 100 years ago it launched another decade of prosperity giving all of us a reason to have hope.

A couple I know was experiencing marital problems that threatened their relationship.

She had been through a double mastectomy and he felt the pressure of keeping the family  together.

When he returned home from work, that’s when the heated arguments would begin.

So, they went to a counselor but it only took 3 appointments to get their relationship back on track again.

• The advice: give each other one hour alone when you see each other at the end of the day – to unwind, make a transition from the day’s problems until you are ready to engage each other.

Good relationships are difficult where stress and anxiety are present.

A caddy gives advice and strategy but the player makes the decisions.

Giving away the right to decide happens because of stronger personalities, control issues and fear on our part that we might blow it so we play it safe and give away our power.

Advice is a valuable tool but no substitute for making your own decisions.

We look to others, but should look to ourselves.

Approval comes from within by assessing your sincerity, passion, reliability, skill level and motivation.

Leaving this up to someone else is a recipe for trouble.

Did you do your best?

Are you doing it for the right reasons? 

Are you capable of making it happen?

Are you willing to stick to it until you succeed?

The person you absolutely must win over first is you.  No one else matters.

You don’t get more fit by getting more comfortable.

Walk more, run more, box more, more Yoga, more challenges.

Those Peloton commercials are attractive because they show what getting uncomfortable can produce in fitness and physique.

Getting out of your comfort zone to strive for more makes you stronger.

A new way to conduct a meeting, a different approach to teams, redefining leadership.

If you’re comfortable, you’re likely not growing.