Confidence comes from the feeling of well-being, approval and acceptance of body and mind that comes from self-esteem.

The body is a gift not a needy urge to look like someone else.

Acceptance of mind is being comfortable with self.

Without confidence we outsource our needs to find it elsewhere leaving ourselves open to manipulation and co-dependence.

Without approval and acceptance of body and soul, confidence is likely to be unsatisfying and fleeting.

With it, it grows stronger.

Many of our negative thoughts come from other people.

• Cut the time spent with those who make you feel drained or pessimistic.
• Increase your exposure to those who make you feel good and cultivate an air of positivity.

One simple adjustment directly affects our own positivity.

We become like those around us so if you choose to surround yourself with uplifting people, you will be less likely to suffer from hopelessness.

Yoga and meditation are for soothing the mind.

They reduce stress, anxiety and depression.

Your brain isn’t made for thinking – it’s for anticipating your needs the way it reminds us we are thirsty or we need a jolt of adrenaline.

Every mental experience has its roots in the physical budgeting of the body.

The next time stress makes life miserable it might help to ask “budgeting” questions like “Did I get enough sleep”, “Am I hydrated”, “Should I take a walk”, “Call a friend”.

Inspired by Lisa Feldman Barrett, professor of psychology at Northeastern University – more here.

I get overwhelmed so easily
My anxiety creeps inside of me
Makes it hard to breathe
What’s come over me
Feels like I’m somebody else
I get overwhelmed so easily
My anxiety keeps me silent
When I try to speak
What’s come over me
Feels like I’m somebody else
I get overwhelmed
Songwriters: Jeoff Harris / Ryan Santiago / William Behlendorf / Mark Gozman
Overwhelmed lyrics © BMG Rights Management

When it feels like somebody else, try to get back in touch with you.

When anxiety causes silence, focus on staying busy.

In our world now, we’re connected to everything but less to ourselves.

David Brooks wrote Nine Nonobvious Ways to Have Deeper Conversations in a recent New York Times article.

• Ask open-ended questions (what was it like … tell me about a time …)
• Make them authors not witnesses (not what happened but what they experienced)
• Listen 100% present
• Don’t fear the pause (most of us stop listening to a comment halfway through so when a person stops talking take your time to digest what you heard and respond.

“Humans need to be heard before they will listen,” Amanda Ripley

You can’t pursue money.  It outruns you.

Seeking to be the best at what you do brings remuneration in two ways:

• You will be your happiest
• You’ll make more money

Your chances of making more money come not from pursuing it, but by not trying so hard to make more and try harder at being the best.

Being hunkered down with lifestyles altered since March makes it challenging to stay motivated.

• Just waking up, bouncing around from crisis to crisis like a pinball, obsessively texting, and living moment to moment with no greater goal is what a lot of us are doing these days.

Motivation comes from having a plan – specific goals even when usual routines have been disrupted.

Motivation comes from seeing vividly in your mind’s eye what is worth your time and effort – everything else is just a distraction.

Thanksgiving Day 2020 will be the strangest one in anyone’s memory because for health reasons we’re avoiding the usual family gatherings or if they proceed uncertainty hangs over the holiday.

Saving Thanksgiving comes down to counting blessings you never thought about by comparing the current coronavirus with the pandemic of 1918.

• Back then, no radio, no records, no television – no Netflix or YouTube.
• No widespread ownership of telephones, certainly no cell phones.
• No Amazon, no Hello Fresh or Instacart, no drug store deliveries.
• No Zoom.

But we have it so much better now. 

• Locked down but not disconnected with friends and loved ones.
• The ability to work from home because of digital technology that we have.
• Lifesaving medicines and vaccines on the way, something that was never available in 1918.

This time we may have to give up early holiday shopping or going to the movies on a full stomach but there is also this.

Thanksgiving may have become a routine family gathering that we took for granted but now with more to be thankful for than ever, the holiday has new meaning and importance.

When we get a few moments to ourselves or go to bed at night, it is a good bet that we rifle through our mind for negative things that have built up all day.

Just as we can remember negative thoughts so easily, the mind can be trained to also recall positive thoughts.

• Start by remembering acts of love and kindness.
• Move next to the gratitude you have for not only major things but the many little things that often get pushed aside by negative thoughts on replay.
• Don’t forget to appreciate family and friends, letting go of anger and animosity not for their sake but for yours and start or maintain a program of health and wellbeing that aids the physical side of stress reduction.

Phones, constant communication, too much screen time, digital distraction, not enough alone time to think and trying to multi-task are sources of anxiety that can be uprooted from our minds with three positive steps.

My two favorite sources for stress reduction are Dale Carnegie’s How to Stop Worrying and Start Living and Mayo Clinic’s anxiety and resilience expert Dr. Amit Sood.

Lowering stress begins with this:

• Assume that everyone around you is struggling and is special. Be kind.
• If it won’t matter in five years, it isn’t worth stressing out about today.
• Sometimes a step back can be a move forward. An adversity may be preventing a catastrophe.

“Not only does our response to stressors — real and perceived — start with the brain, but in the form of chronic, toxic stress, it ends up harming the brain.  It’s a kind of perfect feedback loop.”  — Amit Sood, MD