Life too often becomes a test instead of a progress report.

A test is a proficiency exam.

But making progress is more important and a better way to judge.

Fumbling with the latest anxiety is an inaccurate way to assess our ability to deal with it.

Any advancement or development toward dealing with anxiety inspires real time growth in handling the challenge.

You can fail every test in life if making progress is the way you grade personal growth.

“Along with the sunshine, there’s gotta be a little rain sometime”
Joe South, Rose Garden lyrics © Sony/atv Songs Llc, Bike Music

Every day, think of a way to remind yourself that there is hope of a better day ahead.

So the quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles is a $100 million backup now after being benched for a lousy season.

It took more than his play to get him a seat on the bench but obviously the quarterback controversy is not going to increase Carson Wentz’ confidence.

His replacement, Jalen Hurts is a rookie who is seizing his chance to build his confidence.

Ironically, both will succeed.

Wentz will either earn his job back or regain his confidence on another team.

What’s important is that confidence never remains strong – it wanes and rises, sometimes slowly, sometimes suddenly.

To think of confidence as permanent is to expect too much from ourselves.

When confidence needs a boost, work toward that.  When it is on autopilot, enjoy the ride.

To judge your self-worth by confidence that by nature ebbs and flows is personal abuse that can be curtailed by looking for another opportunity.

Go back five years and try to remember where you were, what you were doing, who you were with at the time, recall the good and the bad.

Then fast forward to today – who is in your life (are they the same people as five years ago?), did your fears come true all these years later (probably not but if they did, you likely feared the wrong things).

What is surprising about life today that you could not see then – In my life a move from west back east, a new university at which to teach, a health scare from a loved one – you get the idea – all unseen previously.

What bothers us most is fear thoughts – things that will never come true.  To dwell on them is a waste of time and life.

Instead, concentrate on resilience – the ability to recover from difficulties that we can never predict and therefore should not waste time worrying about them.

Become expert at springing back from life’s curve balls not worrying about what will likely never happen.

The Mayo Clinic’s Resilient Option program identifies four things that are science-enabled and confirmed to reduce life’s anxieties.

Gratitude – Mind off of problems, redirect thoughts to that which we’re grateful.

Mindful presence – Don’t just be there, be 100% focused on the present.

Kindness – It’s hard to increase stress when trying to be kind to yourself and others.

Resilient Mindset – The more I think about “me”, the weaker I become.  Upgrade to higher values.

Accepting that stress is a part of our life is helpful and focusing on these four remedies makes us more resilient.

Fans standing by a track as runners race to the finish line scream words of encouragement along with their cheers.

Even horses get loud positive reinforcement at race tracks – and we’ve even got our money on them.

But this is not how we encourage each other or for that matter ourselves.

Instead we offer words of advice, caution – sometimes fear to get us and those around us over the finish line.

If no one ever gave another word of advice again, it probably would be an improvement if those words were replaced with 100% full vocal encouragement.

Support, confidence and hope are more effective than even well-meaning advice, added pressure and fear.

If you want to be a better golfer, practicing the wrong things will not get you there.

Want to be a better speaker?  Imitating someone else is unlikely to help you improve.

Confidence comes not from emphasizing things that actually detract from self-esteem but repeatedly practicing them – nothing is too trivial.

• Constantly double down on existing and proven strengths
• Avoid practicing ways to improve faults – even to try and make them better – because it’s more likely that practicing to eliminate weaknesses will only make them worse.
• For help, seek out those with the skills necessary for meaningful improvement (you wouldn’t consult an accomplished public speaker to help strengthen your golf game).

I have a 96-year old friend.

She was a neighbor growing up in Springfield, PA and she is a loving, forgiving and relentlessly positive person.

So, here’s how she’s handling the pandemic in a senior living residence.

• Being isolated from family and even friends at her residence is unfortunate but temporary.
• She enjoyed Thanksgiving with a few family members by not comparing it to the previous Thanksgiving but to six months ago during the so-called lockdown.
• She’s almost old enough to recollect the last pandemic but says this one will end and things will return to normal.
• She oozes with gratitude and rejects doom and gloom; the type media outlets embrace for ratings

If a 96-year old can keep her chin up and look forward to 97, do you think we can reject all the negative news and believe along with her?

What is the best use of your time at this moment – that is the question posed by time management expert Alan Lakein.

Did you see that TV viewing has increased during middays because of all of us hunkered down and working or learning from home?

One way to look at things is – we’re in for a long winter quarantine.

The other way is to use the time to do all those things we never had time to do when life was normal in anticipation of our emancipation from this confinement.

Hope is a feeling of expectation and desire and we have a choice to start asking the question “what is the best use of my time at this moment”.

We can stew … or we can do.

A seal is rewarded with a fish by its trainer.

Dogs learn obedience from positive reinforcement – a treat is one way to reward an animal.

Humans too frequently resort to negative tactics to win cooperation – sometimes it works, but never for the long term.

• Almost no one doesn’t respond to positive reinforcement whether it’s another adult or even a teenager.
• Rewarding effort is better than criticizing performance.
• Teach by asking indirect questions rather than make demands
• A human “treat” is a “well done”, “I’m proud of your effort” or “thank you”

By showing others how to succeed, you succeed.