No one gets to choose their own cards.

Even solitaire players have to play them as they are dealt.

This is helpful in understanding adversity because no one is able to avoid adversity and just deal themselves good luck – you have to play with what you get.

Card players can complain, but it does no good – they can fold them but they are admitting defeat or they can hold them and use their skills to manage what they are dealt.

Being lucky is good.

Being resourceful is better.

In life you don’t often get to choose your own cards.

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Viktor Frankl said “Live as if you were living for the second time.”

Every crisis presents opportunity.

Learn from the mistakes of your “first life”.

Those who have come face to face with their own mortality take Frankl’s advice literally because it is never too late to hit “restart” and change the course of your life.

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No less than Harvard Women’s Health reports in its March, 2021 issue that patients who underwent surgery on their surgeon’s birthday were more likely to die!

6.9% died compared to 5.6% on any other day and the explanation is that the surgeons might have been distracted by life’s events and were not focused on work.

What it does show is that it is hard to focus in a world of distractions so the more crucial something is to us, the more we need to eliminate outside factors that could harm the results.

You’ve no doubt been there – I worked for a radio program director who couldn’t accept severe laryngitis as a reason to get a substitute to sit in for you preferring no voice over a healthy one.

Focus is key to positive outcomes in all areas of life not just surgery reminding us of the importance of learning to not just be in the now but focused on the present.

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Can you imagine what it must be like to be responsible for your entire team losing?

That’s what happened to The Seattle Seahawks playing against the Patriots in the 2015 Super Bowl.

They had the game won and it was the coach, Pete Carroll who blew the call.  At the last minute the Seahawks lost what should have been their second Super Bowl victory in a row to the team that seems to win all of them.

But not Pete Carroll who is known as a master motivator took the hurt and heartbreak and turned it into personal growth.

Things don’t always work out, but they always provide a path to become better.

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Almost everyone I know is stressed (including me).

But not everyone thinks of stress the same way.

Some look at each new anxiety as the one that may break them – usually it doesn’t, but thinking like this doesn’t help.

Anxiety is best treated with two things – a little self-kindness and gratitude.

A mental hug is appropriate because we need to know that we’re doing the best we can at all times.

And gratitude not only for the good things in life but the people who love and care for us puts anxiety in perspective.

The world is a tough place that is handled best with soft touches like being kind to ourselves and grateful for the things and people in life that destress us.

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You wouldn’t make a presentation or a speech and tell yourself “I hope I don’t blow it” before you begin – it’s the wrong message for a positive outcome.

That’s exactly how we beat ourselves up every day wondering what mistake we will make next or how we won’t measure up.

That stops today.

You’re always good enough – it’s all you can be.

You’ve succeeded a lot in life but somehow fear of failure hijacks all our successes.

Scroll back, they’re all there just not recalled often enough.

Picture a brain with a sign firmly planted in it that says “Keep Out”.

The negatives input of others is not welcomed and it’s our head, you decide what gets in and gets repeated.

If you can’t believe in you, how can you ask any individual or group to believe.

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It’s not the amount of anxiety people face, it’s their ability to take a pause before getting caught up in it.

Not a grand plan, not retribution nor avoiding the stressful world we live in.

A pause for a moment to allow the brain to respond instead of react.

Meltdowns occur when we pile yet another stressful situation, irritation, problem or crisis on top of the things we’re already carrying with us that cause us to be anxious.

The difference between reacting and adding another stressor or responding to prevent more unneeded stress is something as simple as waiting 5-7 seconds before acting.

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“When my older daughter came into my room early one morning to wake me up on the weekend, my sweet 5-year old son stopped her outside my room and said:  ‘Let Mommy sleep.  She needs some sleep to have a happier day.’  Considering how sleep-deprived I am as a working mom with both kids remote schooling, it was a relief to receive a bit of empathy.”  — Faye D’Silva, Toronto, CA/New York Times Parenting Letter

Even more important than sleep is empathy.

Understanding and sharing feelings is a potent elixir for burnout.

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I tell my students who are concerned about the times in which they are beginning their adults lives and careers that greatness comes from great adversity.

Abraham Lincoln, a Republican, rose to greatness by emancipating the slaves, a divisive issue that eventually claimed his life.

FDR, a Democrat, was elected and reelected to four terms as president during two major wars and one ten-year depression.

When the current virus “pause” ends, life will not return to exactly the way it was because time has moved on – a year so far and counting.

But adversity helps us know and appreciate ourselves and presents a golden opportunity to be great.

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The big thing during these days of quarantining is “relationship fatigue”, a fancy term for getting on the nerves of people we love and care about.

Tough times will pass but one thing they are good for is practicing skills that will be useful when normal returns, for example …

• Once a day greeting those we live with as if we haven’t seen them for several weeks.
• Being present not just there by focusing in on what is being said and respond.
• And if all else fails, practice the awesome power of listening because no one doesn’t like being heard and it makes being in close quarters almost bearable.

Relationship fatigue is when we’ve become tired of doing things that make others want to be in our presence.

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