When we succeed, we want to continue so our tendency is to keep doing what made us successful.

That’s why Victoria’s Secret couldn’t keep up with how women changed, radio stayed the same by doing less to save money and Toys “R” Us went out of business because children changed their toys.

The thing is what usually got us there in the first place was change, disruption but success breeds an affinity toward playing it safe.

Cultivate a propensity for change by doing things differently, thinking differently and acquiring different skills.

Apple changes so they continue to succeed, but they really don’t take a lot of risks – new products (a watch, coming soon glasses), reinventing things (their iPhone is essentially a better camera with each iteration) and making digital life increasingly easy (as Steve Jobs said, “it just works’).

Challenge yourself long before someone else does – that’s the mental version of a workout.

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As I’ve mentioned before, my mother was a professional worrier – she had her reasons.

My father was deployed to war for four straight years without a leave long enough to return home and when he did, a few years later, he had a major heart attack at just 37 years old.  Although he survived, his health was impacted and my mother’s worry grew with every day.

In the end, he lived to his 80’s and my mom to 96!

Ok, I’m a worrier, too but I have the benefit of a gift my parents paid dearly for but one that I greatly appreciate.

Many reminders during the day of the high price to be paid for worry.

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I used to teach public speaking when I was a Dale Carnegie Course instructor.

I learned quickly that those looking to overcome the fear of speaking to assembled groups – even small ones – believe they become someone they are not.

Loud.

Bold.

Dramatic.

And yet some of the most effective communication in the world has come from people with quiet voices and a homespun manner.

It turns out becoming an effective public speaker is best accomplished by accepting yourself as you are and then have a strong desire to send a message.

I ask:  “what am I passionate about saying” and then I do it with my east coast accent, my broadcasting voice complete with hand gestures (I’m Italian, I speak with my hands).

Being what you’re not or what you think someone else feels you should be never works in public – and the truth is, it doesn’t work in private either.

Being you is enough.

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When a song repeats in your head over and over either because you heard it or for some unexplained reason just think of what happens when we run ourselves down.

It’s one thing to put a stop to others who say hurtful things, but it’s even worse when we allow negative thoughts to kick around in our brains like a song we can’t stop playing.

Imagine positive things to line our subconscious and put them on repeat.

We know the damage that can be done when the we take the hurtful words of others and keep repeating them, but turnabout is fair play here – change the message and hit repeat over and over.

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Here it is.

• “I have earned the right” to be here, speak before you, entertain, write, teach, contribute – the most powerful thought is I have qualified for what I am about to undertake.
• If it’s something I have never done before, I repeat this mantra “I have done new things before, I can do them again”.
• For an extra boost, I review accomplishments large and small, related or unrelated to what is before me.
• I never fear failing – I do it all the time. When I fail, I will learn and get better.

The thing about confidence is it has to start with you, not someone else whispering in your ear.

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Becoming powerful is not about control, it’s about how you use the power you gain in an effective way.

Those people you’ve worked with that spend all their time seeking power and control over others are probably not very effective at using it – it’s the chase that drives them.

You accumulate power by building bridges, by doing favors, helping others, teaching and even by giving away power to win cooperation.

The person skilled in human relations is the most powerful person.

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“Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you’re the best.” – Jack Nicklaus

100% is unattainable.

80% is unimaginable.

60% will leave us frustrated even if we succeed.

40% still means failing 6 out of 10 times.

20% means almost one in four times what we do is come through.

100% is fine for effort but reaching your goals one out of four times is reasonable and a reminder that we needlessly make ourselves miserable by setting unrealistic expectations. 

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Most of us have more self-doubt than confidence.

Can’t wins over can and then it multiplies.

Doubt is one of the few things that can always be controlled.

How is it possible to ask others to believe in us when we don’t believe first?

If it’s worth doing, it’s worth believing you can do it.

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I remember when my date brought me home to meet her parents and they graciously took us all out to dinner at The Four Seasons in Philadelphia – on them!

It’s a night I will never forget but not for the reason you think.

Her parents looked like they were going to have an argument somewhere between the sorbet to cleanse the palate and the main course.

The waiters descended on us, her mother was adamant that she was right and she pursued the topic the way I pursed my filet.

But it got worse – louder, more forceful.  My date kicked me under the table as a reminder to keep my mouth shut.

But, amazingly and worth remembering is that this man would not argue – in the end, he told his wife, “you’re right” even though she made him say it a few times.

Crisis over because it’s true, the only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

Dessert was glorious.  He lit a cigar and as you just saw, I never forgot the lesson.

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If you practice the wrong thing, you will get good at something that doesn’t matter.

• Practice time is precious – think about what is worth your time and effort.
• Find what makes the most difference in your life and come up with a plan to improve your skills.
• Time spent toiling is not the same as time spent improving.
• Repetition is your enemy without a proven plan and an end goal.

Knowing what is right and what is wrong is worth more than spending hours chasing an ill-defined dream.

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