When I was in high school phys ed class, the captains chose their teams usually by picking their friends first – not how well they played baseball.

Life isn’t that much different.

If 5 candidates for the job you want next were in a lineup and you had to pick one, would you choose yourself?

If you were one of the people competing for the affections of another, would it be you?

If you have a lot of friends but too few who are special, would you choose each one out of a lineup of potentials to be your friend again or did you establish relationships because you lived close by, went to school together or worked in the same company or industry?

In life, being qualified is the ticket for success.

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Here are the 7 regrets of those who are in hospice and looking back on their lives:

1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”
2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard”
3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings”
4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends”
5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier”
6. “I wish I had followed my dreams”
7. “I wish I had lived up to my full potential”

These are the top life’s regrets of those in palliative care as outlined by Bronnie Ware in 2012 and similar studies.

I don’t know about you, but this is the ultimate to-do list to put on the refrigerator and start working.

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Pick a number and feel immediate gratitude.

How many years before your son or daughter graduate from high school – you’ll be more likely to see the problems surrounding growing up differently.

How many more holidays will you have with your parents?  Nothing helps focus on what you have in common instead of conducting petty disagreements over things that in the end don’t matter.

The presence of time as a factor in our lives is an immediate way to get right to gratitude.

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The Mayo Clinic physician and author Dr. Amit Sood has a great way of improving his home life that I’d like to share with you.

It’s the 2-minute rule to a happier family life.

When you arrive home from work (or end your day if you work at home), check your emails and texts away from your family (in the garage if you are driving) one final time before greeting your spouse and children.

Give 2 minutes of focused attention to each family member when you greet them – two minutes because that’s the amount of time research shows we have to capture a person’s attention before they block us out.

Ask open-ended questions (“how was your day”, “what made you happy today”) and give them as much time as they need.

We can complain about being locked down or overwhelmed by the sheer amount of our digital communications or we can handle it and learn to deal with those we love by applying this 2-minute rule to get off to a good start.

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Almost every family has experience with panic attacks because life is such that they are very prevalent now.

I’m not particularly prone to them personally but not immune from them either.

I was flying from Philadelphia to Las Vegas for a broadcasting convention and ate something that I was apparently allergic to (in the salad dressing) that caused my heart to beat rapidly and my face to turn red – 35,000 feet above land.

There are many causes for panic – too many to go into here – but there are a few things that seem to help.

Just the thought that you will get through the episode helps.

Changing thoughts from fear to thinking about others relieves some distress.

“I will not die” is helpful. 

Deep breathing, relaxation and thinking about other times you’ve dealt with panic sets the stage for recovery.

The physical threats of the cave dwellers trying to avoid being eaten by an animal predator have been replaced by chronic psychological worries and hurts that are multiplied by our constantly in touch lifestyle.

The brain can be rewired to respond to panic by bypassing anxiety for resilience – and it works.

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Wayne Gretzky was the greatest hockey player ever.

His father, Walter Gretzky who died within the past month, wanted to be good enough to play at the pro level but he could never make a career of it and spent his efforts coaching the player who would be known as “The Great One”.

But his superstar son was a lousy NHL coach when his playing days were over – Dad seemed to have the better skills there.

The funny thing about our dreams is that we should always have but not limit them.

Had Walter Gretzky hung up his skates there may have been no Great One.

And had Wayne Gretzky fancied himself as a coach because he was a great player, he might still be looking for his first Stanley Cup if not his first winning season.

Dreams cannot be managed – they are like radar showing you the best opportunities.

Forward to a friend.

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Golf magazine has a great motto, “Life, Well Played”.

If you had a motto, what would it be?

John Doe, always consistent?

Karen Smith, reliable and resourceful?

What words sum up your best advantages?

Coming up with positive descriptors is more difficult than the negative thoughts that seem to flow so easily into our minds.

John Doe, difficult to get along with.

Karen Smith, stubborn.

The trick is to know which words best describe the best you and repeat them as a mantra over and over again in your head to build legitimate self-respect.

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No one gets to choose their own cards.

Even solitaire players have to play them as they are dealt.

This is helpful in understanding adversity because no one is able to avoid adversity and just deal themselves good luck – you have to play with what you get.

Card players can complain, but it does no good – they can fold them but they are admitting defeat or they can hold them and use their skills to manage what they are dealt.

Being lucky is good.

Being resourceful is better.

In life you don’t often get to choose your own cards.

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Viktor Frankl said “Live as if you were living for the second time.”

Every crisis presents opportunity.

Learn from the mistakes of your “first life”.

Those who have come face to face with their own mortality take Frankl’s advice literally because it is never too late to hit “restart” and change the course of your life.

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No less than Harvard Women’s Health reports in its March, 2021 issue that patients who underwent surgery on their surgeon’s birthday were more likely to die!

6.9% died compared to 5.6% on any other day and the explanation is that the surgeons might have been distracted by life’s events and were not focused on work.

What it does show is that it is hard to focus in a world of distractions so the more crucial something is to us, the more we need to eliminate outside factors that could harm the results.

You’ve no doubt been there – I worked for a radio program director who couldn’t accept severe laryngitis as a reason to get a substitute to sit in for you preferring no voice over a healthy one.

Focus is key to positive outcomes in all areas of life not just surgery reminding us of the importance of learning to not just be in the now but focused on the present.

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