On the publication of her book The Beauty of Living Twice, actress Sharon Stone who survived death in 2001 said this in a recent New York Times interview:
“I’ve let go of all the reasons why I cannot work. I think 40 years of too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too blond, too brown, too young, too old. Too this, too that. I’m not really interested in the why-you-can’t-return-my-call of it anymore. So, if a director wants me, specifically, they’ll be able to find me.”
Deal with it and move on.
Not just deal with it and keep on obsessing over conflicts, hurts and problems that then never seem to go away.
Move on – put it to rest, leave it behind, spend no more of your valuable time on the same issue.
I was on a plane to the coast one time with Jan Murray and Joey Bishop, two old school comedians.
It was a six-hour flight – they kept the young flight attendant laughing on the empty wide-bodied L1011. She likely never heard of them until then.
It is said that comedians have to keep people laughing to keep from crying. That their need to be the source of laughter covers up other problems.
As a child I was so shy (those who know me today, stop that laughter), that my school called my parents in for a sit down and said you’ve got to get this boy into a theater group which I hated.
And here I am today – still shy in many ways but perfectly skilled in standing in front of a TV camera, before a microphone or an audience.
Being shy has made me more outgoing and learning to be outgoing has made me appreciate the many advantages of being shy.
Both are possible.
Friendship happens.
It thrives in an atmosphere of encouragement.
It is heightened by discovery – finding new things you have in common.
Friendship is audio-friendly – the sound of a voice is more powerful than 1,000 emojis.
We’ll binge on Netflix, listen to podcasts, bury ourselves in social media but the investment that pays off in friendship is to pick up the phone and be yourself.
Resilience is the mental ability to expect good but to accept when things go wrong as a challenge to determine the single most important thing of all.
How badly do you want it?
Thomas Edison really wanted to invent the light bulb since he failed over 10,000 times trying.
And 43-year-old quarterback Tom Brady wanted yet another Super Bowl ring so badly he talked Gronk into coming out of retirement to help him.
Resilience is the ability to recover from difficulties and it is a byproduct of getting up when you’re down because you want it that badly.
Jeff Bezos, the CEO of Amazon is reviled and admired – sometimes at the same time.
But he didn’t succeed by being stupid.
“Nobody likes to fail… failure, even when you know it’s important and good, it’s embarrassing. It doesn’t feel good. We’re all human. We had a good idea. We thought it was a good idea, and nobody came to the party. That happens. And here’s the great thing, though. One success, one winner can pay for dozens and dozens of failures.”
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Love not hate.
Diversity not homogeneousness.
Compassion not antipathy.
Reconciliation not conflict.
Kindness not harshness.
Healing not hurtful.
These are just words until they are activated.
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Do you ever notice how often the word “never” comes up in conversations?
There is a way to change the meaning of never to …
“Always” – “I never send thank you notes” to “I always try”
“Maybe I might” – “I never started my own business” could be “maybe I might”.
“Just this once” – “I always text, never call” might sound like “just this once I will call”
“For you” – “I never walk in fund raisers but I’ll give money instead” becomes “For you, I’ll do it”.
Never is an adverb that can be changed into a positive action word.
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At universities across the country students who’ve just completed their courses are asked to rate the course and the professor.
What rating would you get if your family rated you?
Or your spouse or partner?
How about employees or associates? Even children.
Not every assessment is correct or even accurate but over time a trend begins to form.
We don’t need a survey form to start getting the advantages, there is an easier way.
Interact with people as if they could rate every contact with you.
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Like a lot of kids, my family was hit with a lot of problems – my dad had a massive heart attack weeks before I started first grade, we were all thrown into turmoil.
I felt I had all I could do to keep up and as a result I learn early on that gnawing feeling of not being good enough – struggling in school, with confidence, socially.
But what a gift it turned out to be.
Every insult was fuel to create a burning desire, one I have had all my life and still have to this moment.
Being underestimated can have the reverse effect to teach us how badly we want something and how to keeping going until we get it.
Those with high expectations may even have greater problems than the underestimated except the hidden gift is to learn how to believe in yourself even when others don’t.
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