Change is a tough proposition.

Psychologists say we are starting to get set in our ways by the time we are three and that environmental and family influences are critical to who we become.

Change is possible.

See the goal vividly in your mind’s eye in 3D, full color and surround sound if that is even possible – but the idea is see the change you want to make in an unforgettable way.

Have a plan – work the plan – expect no miracles just good determined effort to get to your goal.

Use discouragement as a motivation to focus harder.

Rumi, a 13^th century Persian poet put it like this:

“Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise so I am changing myself.”

Change doesn’t mean you want to be a different person – just a better one.

I saw a checkout person in Sprouts this past weekend self-destruct in front of a customer and her boss.

The customer was semi-understanding but she was melting down nonetheless.

The panic was on her face when she left her station to find her boss and when the boss arrived, she apologized profusely for making a mistake and causing the problem.

Her boss said not a word – just cancelled the mistake on the register and the increasingly irate customer was able to leave.

I was next in line.

One thing I know is that humor releases stress – a few jokes later, she was visibly relieved and seemingly back to being herself.

We all make mistakes – Houston Astros Michael Brantley is among those with the highest batting averages in baseball currently (.330) meaning he fails almost seven times out of ten.

Keep reality in perspective before trashing yourself for being human and keep a sense of humor when missing the mark.

30 years ago, 33% of Americans said they had ten or more close friends not counting relatives.

Today it’s 13%.

In 1990, 75% said they had a best friend.

Now, just 59%.

People want fewer but better friends and at the same time are more isolated in spite of their digital and social media connectivity.

My take is that looking for friends or expanding your group is a waste of time.

More important, spend that time becoming the person you want to be and when the right next friend comes along it will be a meaningful connection.

The number of Facebook friends are meaningless, the number of “likes” in social media misleading and constant contact does not a friend make.

The best way to make meaningful friends is to become a better friend to yourself.

Here are more findings I thought you would like on The state of American Friendship.

Sometimes your favorite animal is a goldfish because it is said to have a memory of ten seconds – what humans need to have.

That’s the advice from Ted Lasso, the principal character in the hit Apple TV series about a coach who knows nothing about soccer and everything about motivating people.

A short memory should be our goal even though Ted Lasso’s information is incorrect (goldfish can have a memory of many months).

The longer we humans carry around negative thoughts of animosity, jealousy or hurt, we become more like the person who offended us.

To gain control, give up control of lingering animosities so we can swim away like a goldfish to enjoy another day.

American gymnast Simone Biles holds the record for the most World Championship medals (25) and the most gold medals (19) in World Championship history for an athlete of either gender.

She attracted empathy from fans when during the current Tokyo Olympics she stepped away from competition citing mental health issues – these issues are extremely common in the population these days especially among young people.

Unfortunately, Simone also had to suffer the criticism on social media that called her unpatriotic and denigrating her competitive spirit.

To me Simone Biles won the most important gold medal — the one for Courage when she revealed her mental issues and had the courage to step back and attend to working on them rather than continue to seek more glory.

Tennis star Naomi Osaka is in the same category – brave to speak up and step back at personal career peril to do the right thing and in spite of criticism by some.

One definition of a champion is a person who fights or argues for a cause on behalf of someone else.

In that case, thanks should go to brave people like Simone Biles who set a new standard for all who experience mental health issues.

It’s one thing when someone else makes life miserable for us – when they doubt, criticize, disapprove, etc.

But doing it to yourself is an act of self-destruction that can be resolved.

I remember my first time on television hosting a movie in primetime.  Everything went well until a slight mess up with the Teleprompter at the end.  I thought it was the end of my career.

No one said a word from viewers to people I worked with at the TV station.

They just saw a good performance that I couldn’t see – that’s self-destruction.

People fear speaking almost as much as dying according to surveys and we obsess about every thought, paragraph and fear of leaving out something important almost as if the audience knew what you forgot to say.

Protect yourself from destructive comments and actions of others.

Just as important – don’t join them in self-inflicted criticism and hurt.

The one sure thing about regrets is that we can never do anything to change them.

Living in the past which is where regrets live is a waste of time and effort.

What regrets are good for is helping us evolve into the person we want to be today – now – when it is possible to create a better outcome.

People who live in the past live lives of regret that cannot be changed but those who learn from the past are already the winners.

My past career regrets have been recycled to the present which is far more rewarding.

Past relationship regrets help to modify the search (just like on Google) for a more fitting life’s partner.

Childhood illnesses can be gifts of good health when applied to this moment.

The proper place for regrets is not holed-up in the past but freed to bring success and happiness in the present.

Fear of failure is useless.

If an Olympic athlete is so scared of losing, what would be the point of even competing – and they spent years preparing for one event that has everything on the line.

If we want to advance our career but fear losing what we’ve got, no advancement is possible except by accident – a long wait, indeed.

When we speak or lead a group, nervousness is actually the fuel that helps us succeed when we can make the butterflies fly in formation.

To start over in anything is daunting except the alternative of more of the same is failure by choice.

We can never fail — only fail to try.

Worries by themselves are not actually as destructive as piling one on top of the other and letting them build up.

That’s what we tend to do – add worry upon worry.

To break the habit (and it’s one that we learn by necessity early in life) a simple cut and dry technique is used to help reduce the sheer number of worries.

For every new worry, eliminate or resolve a previous worry.

It can be done and is easy to learn – if you’re worried about something at work today, see if there is something else either at work or elsewhere in your life that you can let go of at least temporarily.

Often worries resolve themselves without us doing anything but we don’t let them go and formally dispense with them – so they remain with us.

99% of that which we worry about never happens but we keep carrying them around and adding to them.

For every new worry, let one go.

A friend of mine was having marital issues based on the stress that he felt at work.

His wife was a stay-at-home mom with two children, breast cancer and she had her hands full.

They just moved into a new neighborhood which is how I met them.

Things got so stressful at work that it carried over to home and it didn’t take long for the two of them to litigate their problems and anxieties in the form of shouting thus creating more stress.

They loved each other.

My friend made one marriage counseling appointment with a psychologist – and the advice they received was really worth the money they paid for one session.

When you end your work day, give yourselves one hour of alone time to unwind before interacting with each other and talking about your day.

From day one this worked and their marriage prospered as they valued the time that each one needed to transition from stress.