But becoming excellent is the secret to success.

Every “become rich” plan pales in comparison to those who vow to “become more skilled” at what they do.

Ironically, people think it’s the other way around.

If you get rich by accident or good fortune without developing superior skills, you’ll likely not be happy very long.

If you become the best at what you do, you win twice.

Once, because you’re putting yourself in a position to succeed financially as well.

But also, you get rich on happiness which is not for sale at any price.

It is just as important to make a life as it is to make a living.

Pursuing financial and career success isn’t likely to work without a passion for mastering the skills it takes first to be excellent.

This is on the rise – we simply have less confidence than we once did.

Fearing failure is being afraid to play the game.

The one sure way to fail is to think about it.

A tennis pro who thinks about losing is going to lose.

A team that expects to get beaten will.

A person who doubts themselves for even a nanosecond is betting against themselves even before they begin.

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure” – Paulo Coelho

Dealing with problems is not a feeling, you choose to do it.

Smokers quit not because they have a feeling that they should, but because they choose to resist the unhealthy pleasure.

Confidence in yourself is never a feeling – you don’t feel confidence first, you choose to believe in yourself and confidence follows.

An alcoholic doesn’t wait to feel like recovering, they choose to pay the price to stop drinking rather than pay the price for continued drinking.

Faith is a choice not a feeling – and faith is something that matters to you and is the only antidote for fear.

Faith over fear.

You don’t wait for the feeling to come over you before you choose the better path.

The choice comes first.

Feelings are a residue.

We choose with our heads and feel with our hearts.

And if you make the right choices and stick to them, good feelings result.

It used to be Coca-Cola – one of the most memorable slogans of all time but today “the pause that refreshes” would be just as meaningful focused on mental health.

Tennis star Naomi Osaka, still struggling with anxiety, made a memorable description of the state of her mental health:

“I feel like for me recently, when I win, I don’t feel happy; I feel more like a relief,” she said. “And then when I lose, I feel very sad.”

Time out is needed to recover, rest and heal as tennis great Billie Jean King puts it.

We listen to our body when it is hurt.

Now we must also listen to our mind.

Procrastination is mood avoidance not task avoidance – avoid the task, avoid the bad mood.

But even that catches up with us – college students who chill out during their first semester, pay for it with increased anxiety in the second according to research.

The future is nice but it isn’t a powerful motivator to take on the business at hand in a timely way.

The answer:

• Make what you’re putting off feel more comfortable.
• See the future as a road map to making things better than the present.

I like to look at life like sports.

You don’t show up not to play.

You never start the game thinking you will lose or you absolutely will.

You can’t win ‘em all so you try to win as many as you can.

Sometimes one thing helps you win not everything.

Even in losing, you can get better.

No matter how much you’re down, you play until the end.

This is what we do in sports but we can also do it in life.

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Why are we always so optimistic about winning the lottery and so pessimistic about solving our health, relationship, personal and work problems?

It makes no sense.

You have virtually no chance of hitting it big in the lottery – but you already know that – and yet you have so much hope that you’re even willing to bet money on that slight chance.

It’s hope against the odds.

How would our lives change for the better if we could channel the type of blind and automatic optimism we have that we will win the lottery and bet on ourselves in the same hopeful way.

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Ever wonder why anxiety builds up as the day goes on?

We are human sponges soaking up the fears and worries of those we are connected to and making it ours.

The relief from being a sponge soaking up anxiety of others is to EXPUNGE these stressors.

Erase.

Remove.

It’s difficult enough to deal with our own negativity let alone taking on those of others.

Ban the negativity that brings you down by putting a stop/loss on the anxieties of those we are connected to.

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Loud people are more commanding, more assertive, more successful.

Wrong.

A recent Wall Street Journal piece says “Research shows that we are overconfident in our beliefs but underconfident about being heard.  So, we compensate by being loud.”

Soft spoken people are among the most riveting public speakers.

Yet loud people and shouters feel they have an abundance of confidence while the quiet and often shy see their soft-spokenness as a distinct disadvantage.

Especially true in social situations.

The trick is not to be loud or quiet but to be yourself – the real measure of inner-confidence.

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In jealousy there is more self-love than love (Francois VI, 1665)

Unfortunately, it is always destructive.

If we can go on a low carb diet, we can go on a jealousy diet.

In my book, Out of Bad Comes Good – The Advantages of Disadvantages – 5 steps can make a difference.

#1  Let go of the fear that you don’t have value

#2  Repeat often:  “jealousy hurts me more than it hurts them”

#3  Count jealousies like calories – make a list of people of whom you are jealous

#4  Focus on your accomplishments

#5  Make amends for jealous behavior

Our success is not assured by someone else’s failure.

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