- My NYU students and I have a deal – they turn their phones and devices off during each one hour and forty-minute class to focus on discussions and I allow them to leave the room (without dirty looks or any form of chastisement) to check their messages if they like during class.
- The majority stay seated, perhaps 20% at most check their phones or use the bathrooms.
- And when I asked them this past week how difficult it is to sit there and not look at their phones, the typical response was they liked it.
- People know too much connectivity breeds distraction so the way to win the battle is to make phone use a win-win.
Confidence in Reserve
- Take all the successes of the past week – great and small, throw in some winners from the past month and year and replay them over and over instead of rerunning everything you perceived (or others have told you) you are doing wrong.
- If you don’t think this is possible, it is exactly what most of us do with our faults.
- We have no problem knowing what they are and yet we make them the soundtrack of our inner thoughts.
- Eliminate the negatives, accentuate the positives.
- If you have trouble, put your victories on your phone or digital device and scroll through them as a reminder that you have confidence in reserve.
Being Liked
- Many people are more concerned with being liked by others and one reason for this is the proliferation of social media which emphasizes “friends’, “likes” and “follows”.
- Being liked by others starts with liking yourself – if you can’t like you, how can you ask someone else to?
- And there’s always lots to like because we’re not just made up of faults and inadequacies pointed out by others, we’ve got our strengths and we should at least give them equal time in our mind.
- Act like the person you want to become and others will stand in admiration.
Take Charge
- Most people are waiting for you to be first to reach out and break the ice – be that person.
- Someone new, a person you may have neglected or to repair a relationship that is worth reigniting.
- Believe it or not in a classroom of students, most never meet more than one or two people and not even that if they take the class with a friend.
- Break the ice because the rewards outweigh the risks.
Self-Bullying
- “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself” – Robert Frost
Private Time
- One of my students asked me how I got into television and radio and during our chat I confessed that I was very shy as a child – a fact I rarely talk about because people who know me today laugh when I say it.
- I told her that I rehearsed in my mind over and over again what I wished I could do someday on camera and in front of a mic.
- One day, those opportunities arrived and I was more than ready which brought me to my point.
- Some of the most significant progress is made in private when we are liberated from the expectations of others and free to be ourselves.
- “I restore myself when I am alone. A career is born in public – talent in privacy” – Marilyn Monroe.
Reducing Daily Worries
- An easy problem is just as difficult as a complex, more troubling one and yet we tend to worry about them equally.
- Separating every day irritations from major concerns is one quick way to notice a positive difference in anxiety.
- The gold standard for reducing worry is to remind yourself that 99% of what you worry about will never happen and often the other 1% doesn’t happen the way you feared.
- In the meantime, separate irritations from major concerns and lighten the load.
Social Anxiety
- Be the fine person you are.
- Don’t hold a vote on every move you want to make – it’s your choice and not up to anyone else.
- Social media is designed to reward people who become like others but instead of looking for social media acceptance, ask “how happy am I.”
- In spite of meds, behavioral therapy and more social anxiety persists but one way to take control is to start by reaching out to others who may also be waiting for someone to break the ice – yes, chances are they have social anxiety as well.
Performance Anxiety
- Would it surprise you to know that more artists than ever are grappling with their confidence in mid-performance – that they can freeze and panic.
- All the success in the world does not prevent any of us from faltering in mid-flight next time we’re up.
- Waiting for confidence to return is not an option.
- Confidence is a decision not a feeling — we make to go on, face adversity, overcome anxiety and finish strong.
Greatness
- You know how great you are when you have failed and gotten up more than once.
- The greatest accomplishment is not succeeding on the first try but persevering until you do.
- Or as author Stephen King puts it “the scariest moment is always just before you start.”