I asked my NYU students in our ‘mental health for musicians’ class to write down on a 3×5 card what they think are their 3 biggest problems.

First, I need to give them pencils because they often don’t have them.

Fascinating that it sometimes takes a long time for them to write the 3 problems down because they worry about so many things – just like the rest of us.

By focusing on the biggest causes of anxiety, they see (sometimes for the first time) the real roadblocks to happiness.

Worth a try today?

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20% of adults admit to being chronic procrastinators – back in the 1970’s it was only 5%.

They admit to spending an average of 2 hours and 25 minutes per day procrastinating and over 55 days per year.

If you want to try something to ignite your abilities faster, here’s a plan:

• The 2-minute rule: If you can do an action in two minutes or less, tackle it at the moment without delay, without burdening your to-do list – just wipe it out.

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If someone else insists on being critical of you today, let them do it all alone.

Buying into or believing negative thoughts that come from others is self-sabotage – we don’t give people like that this kind of help.

When people do (or don’t do) things that block their success or prevent them from accomplishing their goals, it’s self-sabotage.

Today’s goal — become aware and don’t become part of it.

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I love this from Oprah Winfrey:

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough”.

And being driven by what you think you want may come up short because when you get it, it won’t be long before you want something else.

The trick is really appreciate what you have now, this moment.

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Remember that diplomacy is the art of letting the other party have things your way.

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The head and heart often get mistakenly assigned to the wrong task.

• Think with your head
• Feel with your heart
• Not the reverse

“The heart is forever making the head its fool” — François de la Rochefoucauld.

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Adversity can actually strengthen friendships as George Washington pointed out:

• “True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation”.

• We earn the right to be a friend – friendship is not just a feeling – a good or great feeling – it is much more. 

• I love this definition of a true friend: “Your friend is the man (person) who knows all about you, and still likes you.” (Elbert Hubbard)

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“I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.”

— Frank Herbert

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Just because people are quiet, doesn’t mean that they don’t have something to say.

And being talkative doesn’t mean you do.

• One of the most advanced and potent human relations skills is to listen to the other side of silence.
• That which is not said, but can be valuable if we listen for it in others.
• Listening to the other side of silence requires a sensitivity for the whole of another person without prejudgment.
• Being seen and heard does not just apply to expressing ourselves, it’s about establishing a healthy line of communication.

“I’ve begun to realize that you can listen to silence and learn from it. It has a quality and a dimension all its own.” – Chaim Potok, The Chosen

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My neighbor died suddenly recently – she was 50 years old, a husband, two children – one week away from starting college – it all makes no sense and is hard to comprehend.

• The Dalai Lama reminds us of a saying in Tibetan: “Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength”. From strength comes acceptance.
• “The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever” – Carroll Bryant.

• For survivors, help – Keeping a person alive in our memories requires no more than taking the thing we admire most and spending a lifetime living it.

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