Stretching Exercises

In my NYU “Stress-free Living & Working in the Music Industry” class, we do stretching exercises – not the physical ones, the psychological type designed to build mental resilience.

One week we gave gratitude to someone important in our life in writing.

The assignment mandated that each student choose a person for whom they were grateful for something and then give some specific examples – this was then sent without further explanation.

The response was both expected and unexpected – the student “gratefuls” heard back with warm and even touching expressions of appreciation.

Why learn to express gratitude?

Gratitude is a building block of becoming more resilient.

Another week as I shared earlier, we gave up our phones and cut social media usage – the professor included and if there is one thing I learned, it is that I can control my digital devices, they don’t have to control me.

Another stretching exercise was to put into writing something that represents a pat on the back for something they did right – no negative talk allowed.

And next week, we will take a step toward learning how to forgive.

Living in a complicated age requires on the spot retraining of the brain – so if you’re interested, try one of our exercises then grade yourself. (I’ll give you an A for trying).

Phone Detox

I thought you be interested that I asked my NYU stress in the music industry class to give up their phones for a day and/or cutback on social media.

They were not happy with me – one student piped up and said “will you give your phone up, too, professor?” and after getting a commitment from 39 people to match me if I did, I agreed.

They admitted it was hard to do – to be fair, some weren’t ready.  I also found it difficult to get started but as with my students, I liked what I gained – and here it is.

I didn’t miss out on anything.  Felt more in control.  Did other things I’ve been missing.  Changed the behavior of those around me by becoming more present.

Our children get phones at too early an age – that’s not my observation, that’s psychologists and physicians.

Adults are just as bad – turning to phones for support, comfort and trying not to miss out.

One student said they wanted to keep the phone so they could call a parent who could help them when they had a problem.  Before phones, young folks had to develop resilience in lieu of a life line call.

The exercise was not to eliminate the use of phones but to regain control over them.

Then I drove out of the city, saw drivers on the Turnpike with phone in hand going 85 miles an hour and later read a story about a 9 year old girl near where I live who committed suicide because of bullying.

I also read an article about a teacher who was beaten up by a student when they took away the student’s phone.

Here’s what my students say they learned by tackling this drill:

We are capable of enjoying our digital devices with us in charge not the algorithm writers of Google, Facebook, TikTok and many others – that was universally empowering.

FOMO is a false fear – we gain time and improve our lives, we don’t miss out on anything.

If we want work/life balance, we can start by regaining control over how we spend our digital life.

Happy Days

Physicians who study mental health issues today have this advice.

Start every day with by saying “I’m happy to be alive today”.

It doesn’t take long to get inundated with problems, irritations and anxiety in the world in which we live.

But it’s still true – “I’m happy to be alive today”.

Ask a recovering cancer patient or someone given more time to live.

Just as football players break their huddle, clap hands and resist saying “Let’s lose”, we should start another day by saying out loud how happy we are to be here.

Driven to Distraction

People are smart and adaptive – we spend plenty of time trying to hold on to important relationships.

Turns out the key is not increasing the time spent interacting, but the amount of time focused on that person.

Quality over quantity.

Few need more time, they need more quality time.

There are a lot of distractions in our lives these days – some of them companies like Google and Facebook spend a lot of money on – we’re driven to distraction.

When preserving or nurturing a relationship, focus works better than time spent distracted.

When You Can Feel It

The coach of the lowly Philadelphia Flyers hockey team that has little to celebrate during their losing season said a mouthful when one of his young and hopefully future stars began to know when confidence kicked in.

John Tortorella said he couldn’t explain just how great it feels for a coach to not only see a young player take the next step but to see when they really know deep down inside that they are the talented person they hoped to be.

So, it is off the ice and in our world where pressure driven culture makes us often doubt our own abilities even when we are performing at a high level.

Look for it, recognize it and accept it – the last step in building confidence is when you are your best believer.

The Metrics of Happiness

The great guru of resilience and happiness, Dr. Amit Sood is an expert on the brain – as a physician at Mayo Clinic let’s say he knows a thing or two about how the brain can be retrained.

According to Dr. Sood:  Of the 100 events that typically surround us each day – only 4 are bad and 96 are good (you may want to re-read that line and yes, it is proofed for accuracy).

We need to zoom out and focus on what is right for life and not what is wrong.

The metrics favor what is right.

Social media, society, our digital world, covid – you name it – makes us obsess on what is wrong and what makes us unhappy.

So, try it today and see if it makes a difference:  go to the numbers, they don’t lie – only 4 bad things will typically happen today so retrain your brain to start appreciating the 96 that are good.

What Comes First a Smile or the Joy

So, my NYU students returned from spring break and every class I teach, the same thing – sour pusses.

Some are returning to mid-term exams, others getting a taste of freedom and summer vacation only half a semester away – it’s hard to look joyous.

I was joking with my classes saying “pretend I’m not a robot and that I can actually see your faces – wouldn’t you rather see me smiling and energetic, that’s what I’d like to see from you”.

And believe it or not, the students were transformed – most put a smile on (and yes, I had to remind them a few times) but it taught all of us a great lesson that I would like to share with you this new day.

We’re all waiting around for something to happen to make us smile when the secret is take action and do it first, then something good usually happens at least with human interaction.

My friend the great radio programmer and DJ Jay Cook used to put the biggest grin on his face before opening the mic at WFIL in Philadelphia – no matter what he was thinking, or what he might be going through, the listener got the benefit of Jay’s smile even though they couldn’t see him.

And he walked around the station as one of the nicest guys I have ever met in radio.

Smile first – don’t wait for some outside event to make you happy.

Laziness Reimagined

Stop blaming yourself for procrastination, there is an often-overlooked cause of laziness and no, it doesn’t have anything to do with your shortcomings.

Hard work, focus and resilience comes from seeing what you want to accomplish so vividly in your mind’s eye that you can almost feel and touch it.

Then, how badly do you want it – “it would be nice” or is it “I’ve got to have it”.

And the rest takes care of itself.

What some call laziness is often the lack of a clear vision of what you have to have and won’t settle for anything else – the laziness is rarely ever an issue.

When managing others, keep stoking the vision.

When managing yourself – see it, feel it, taste it.

Getting Your Money’s Worth

Education is the only thing where people want the least for their money.What do I mean?

An often-asked question of learners is “How many classes can I miss?”

To be sure, divide the number of classes into the total yearly tuition and you get a rough per class cost.

If the cost is $70,000 a school year and a student is taking 12 courses the monetary value of each class is about $5,833.

In our world, even when we pay less than that for something, the first thing we want to know is “what else do I get for it?” (Verizon offers “up to $1,000 off our best 5G phones”).

The mindset that makes a difference is to value things like education exactly the way you do for material things and then ask – what else can I get for my education.

Get your money’s worth when it comes to making you smarter.

The Anxiety of Being the Best

It’s not about the most talented person on your team.

The real talent is the person who enables a team to work together.

One star doesn’t mean as much as all the other people working together – you see this all the time in sports, a superstar, everyone else and pressure to deliver.

There is so much anxiety caused by trying to be the best – to meet the moment and it almost never gets done unless there is a leader involved with the skills to integrate the talents of all the differing parts.