True friends are hard to come by.

We aggregate them on Facebook and gather them in our social circles but if we can count one true friend in our lifetime, we are extremely lucky.  Now, I’m not saying that the warmth and friendship of acquaintances is not valuable and rewarding.

I think you know what I mean.

We often overlook being our own best friend – the person who is always there for us, who never lets us down, who always tells us the truth.  Melody Beattie said, “If you want to meet the right person, you have to be the right person”.

And that applies to warm and close friendships.

So if we want to enrich our own lives, become your own best friend.

Some starting steps:

1. Laugh, dream, make plans.
2. Be positive and put a stop/loss on negative thoughts.  We can’t be our own best friend if we say negatives things about ourselves.
3. Instill in ourselves, the kind of qualities we would look for in a best friend.
4. Constantly move toward what we want to achieve – our dreams make us focus on that which is important.

“Stop looking out, start looking in, be your own best friend” – Van Halen

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Everyone has intuition.  Everyone.

Some of us don’t listen to our intuition because we may not like what we are thinking or we don’t have the confidence to believe it.

Intuition is that little voice inside that is never wrong when we allow ourselves to believe it.

When things work out well, few people say, “I heard a little voice inside my head”.  We usually refer to that little voice inside when we didn’t listen to it.

Nothing is more important than to consult with our own common sense before we make decisions.  And the more we do so, the more we build the confidence to hear even bad news from that little voice.

“I think we all have a little voice inside us that will guide us…if we shut out all the noise and clutter from our lives and listen to that voice, it will tell us the right thing to do” – Christopher Reeve

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The human condition is that every time we do something wrong, we make a mental note of it.

And if we forget, there is always someone there to remind us.

The most valuable IOU has nothing to do with money or possessions; this one is issued for doing something right – something successful.

For trying and not giving up.

For a good idea or accomplishment.

Why is making an IOU to yourself (in writing, on your smartphone or in your mind) so valuable?

Because you can use them as needed the next time you take on a challenging task, hit a rough spot in life or feel like life is getting out of control.

I do this all the time.  Even a small success needs to be remembered for future use.  It’s a self-perpetuating motivational tool that always pays dividends.

“Self-suggestion makes you master of yourself” — W. Clement Stone

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Ever use the phrase, “I hear you”?

Take it to the next level.

Listen to what others are not saying.  The thing you didn’t hear.

Often people say what others want to hear or what is appropriate at the time.  Sometimes, we don’t feel comfortable sharing things that turn out to be critical to be properly understood.

That’s why the little known communication skill we should acquire is to listen to the other side of silence.

Try it today.

First listen (and that can be a major breakthrough because when we think about communication between individuals we often think of speaking not listening).

Then, look for the possibilities that the other person is not articulating.

If someone tells you that they are fed up with their girlfriend, boyfriend or mate, listen for what’s not being said (i.e., “I’m scared to leave and start over”).

If you hear, “I can’t stand this job” you might listen for what may not be said which could be “I have lost my confidence to do the job”.

And even if someone close to you says, “We never agree on anything anymore” listen for what may be hiding in the statement (i.e., “You don’t listen to me”).

“One of the tasks of true friendship is to listen compassionately and creatively to the hidden silences. Often secrets are not revealed in words, they lie concealed in the silence between the words or in the depth of what is unsayable between two people” – John O’Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

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When I was once down and out in my career, a friend of mine, Malcolm Rosenberg, tried to lend me $5,000 to help me avoid losing my house. 

At first, I refused to take it because I could not at that point imagine how I would ever pay it back.

After several tries over several days, he said, “Take it, pay me back if you can.  I am betting on you”. 

Such a deal I could not refuse and because of his compassion and belief in me, I kept my house and survived long enough to catch the next big break.

I said what you may have said at some point in your life, “I owe you” and Malcolm’s response sticks with me even to this day.

He said, “You owe everybody and everybody owes you – that’s the way to think about it because you don’t need a good memory to do the right thing”.

We seem to have no difficulty investing in IRAs and securities, but it is just as satisfying to invest in other people.

No cash, no problem. 

Offer a service, an accommodation.

And always, constant reinforcement in terms of support.

Adopting the attitude that people owe each other even if it is not money transforms the way we think and act.

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The big question interviewers always seem to ask in one way or another, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now?”

It is sometimes meant to be a trick question, but you should hope that they ask it.

The answer?

No one knows what will happen in five years.  I do hope to advance and achieve many goals along the way, but just as importantly, I want to make a difference today.

You’ve heard of living in the now.  This is working in the now.

Employers appreciate people who are honest and direct.  They like humility.  But they crave people who want to be of help immediately.

I can’t honestly recall being able to predict where I am today 5 years ago.  Too much changes – maybe even more today than ever before.

One thing never changes.

The desire to contribute from day one using the skills that you bring to the table now. 

This approach has worked for many of my USC students looking for their first post-graduate job and I wanted to share it with you for yourself, a friend or a family member.

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Why do we let others get into our heads to hurt us?

Yet it happens all the time.  Sometimes we know it’s going to happen and we still let other people drag us down.

A friend wrote to me a few months back and confessed, “I am a failure”.  How could he be so wrong?  Why allow this type of hurtful self-talk.

1. Even when we fail, we actually succeed IF we do not quit.
2. Never let anyone record a negative message in your brain.  Put it on hold immediately and banish the thought from your mind.
3. Consider compliments as validation of the good things you already think about yourself or else compliments can sometimes lead to co-dependence (when we crave what others say but need them to say it to actually believe it).
4. I have known more than one cancer patient who wouldn’t allow themselves the luxury of discouragement.  If they can avoid it, so can I.
5. The best advice I ever heard about dealing with discouragement is:  go to bed and sleep it off.  Wake up tomorrow ready to begin again.

“Defeat should never be a source of discouragement but rather a fresh stimulus” – Robert South

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If you’re great on the phone, why choose email?

If you’re great writing, why use the phone?

If you’re great with people and skilled in human relations, why sit back and let others lead?

We often choose the wrong tools to achieve success.

Can you identify your number one personal trait – the thing that you do better than most others?  (If not, now is the time to think this through).

I had the joy and horror to watch the great basketball player and now TV commentator Charles Barkley hit golf balls at the driving range.

It was ugly.

This big man – talented in basketball and sportscasting – trying to hit a golf ball with the same skill.  Golf was laughable but fine for his part-time passion, but you’ll notice he didn’t quit his day job.

The road to success is shorter and quicker when we play to our strengths.

“Play to your strengths.”



“I haven’t got any,” said Harry, before he could stop himself. 



“Excuse me,” growled Moody; “you’ve got strengths if I say you’ve got them. Think now. What are you best at?” – J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

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I read a piece in The New York Times last week that said if you’re over 50 in the present economy, you may have had your last real job.

Add to that Millennials – 80 million coming of age right now – many of whom have graduated from college to find no jobs and big college loans to repay.

The young folks who find jobs often don’t get benefits like health insurance as part of their employment agreement.  Many are kept to part-time status to eliminate the need to pay their benefits but are expected to remain available 40 hours per week.  How unfair is that?  

And those in the middle know all too well that their positions and careers can be outsourced, “right-sized” or plain eliminated for corporate profit without notice.

How does one live and work in a world of uncertainty?

1. Cooperate with the inevitable.  There is nothing you can personally do to change the way things are, but focus on the ways you can change yourself to maximize that world.
2. Develop skills to work as a “resource” not an employee.  There are fewer benefits to being a full-time employee in today’s economy.  Acquire the necessary skills for the marketplace and offer them to employers with you determining the number of hours of your availability.
3. Spend at least 15% of each week acquiring new skills and making new contacts.  In the previous economy, most workers didn’t get serious about networking for the future until they were out of work.  That will no longer do.
4. No pity parties.  People get rich even in bad economies.  Waste no more time or emotional energy on the bad state of the world economy and dedicate yourself to becoming a new breed of worker – at will, at the ready and loaded with new skills.

Morley Winograd, co-author of several books on Millennials warn, “don’t count Millennials out”.

The way to deal with uncertain employment prospects is to embrace the opportunity to become even more desirable by accepting a new approach to employment.

It was only a few generations ago – perhaps even in your family – when a person would work for only a handful of companies in their lifetime.

And Baby Boomers adapted to a new, faster workplace where they were constantly on the move from one job to the other albeit it in full-time jobs.

Now, the world has changed again and we must be ready to accept and adapt in order to succeed.

“The best career advice given to the young is: Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it” – Katherine Whitehorn

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Fear dogs us constantly – some people more than others. 

But there is an antidote for fear.

It is trust.

Trust in ourselves.

Trust in a trustworthy friend or family member.

If we’re religious, trust in God or a higher power.

Fear is useless but trust is a great healer.  When we retrain our brain to make trust kick in when fear creeps into our lives, fear has met its match.

The fear of failure, loss, unemployment, rejection, speaking before groups of people, and yes, intimacy — the greatest fear of our generation. 

Hit these fears head on by finding someone to trust.

No ideas?

Start with yourself.

“Fear is useless, what is necessary is trust” – Jesus Christ

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