February shows the biggest decline for attendance at health clubs of any month in the year.

Ironically, January is the biggest growth time because people generally want to resolve to get in better shape for the New Year.

So much for that.

What it says to me is that we humans often want that which we are not committed to achieving.

A 2006 study by researchers at London’s University College indicates that it takes 66 days to form a habit – or about two months.

A lot of research turns out to be just curiosity but this little stat is packed with power.

In others words, instead of saying, “I want to be healthier next year” what if we said, “I will devote two months to doing what it takes to be healthier next year”.

I’ve always believed when we fail at something we are not necessarily saying we cannot attain it, we are saying we don’t really want to attain it – aren’t willing to pay the price, devote the time or have the true burning desire to accomplish our goals.

No wonder then when we fail and keep going back for more as Thomas Edison did 10,000 times before inventing the light bulb that we are saying I really want to accomplish that goal no matter how long it takes.

People have said to me “It must be so nice to be your own boss and have your own business” to which I have to shut my mouth to keep from saying, “I work 7 days a week – I want to do this, I love to do this.  There is nothing easy about it”.

The secret is – if you can’t commit 2 months to making the change or forming the new habit you desire, don’t bother because you’re likely to fail.

The Two-Month rule does all the work for us – all we have to do is ask ourselves.

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I was fired as program director of a major market radio station once for succeeding too much.

The station was number one in teens and young adults but the station said they couldn’t sell that to advertisers so they axed me and brought in someone to attract an older audience.

It didn’t work.

The station went on to lose listeners and eventually did so poorly the owners sold the radio station.

Peter Laviolette is a Stanley Cup winning coach hired by The Philadelphia Flyers a few years ago to help them do the same thing. In his first year, Lavy took The Flyers to the Stanley Cup finals. Over the ensuing years, he did well enough to earn a raise and contract extension.

But something awful happened.

After losing the first three games of that new contract season, the team’s impatient 80-year old owner allowed this winning coach to be fired. Laviolette sat out the rest of the year and eventually signed with The Nashville Predators, which at the All-Star break this year had the best record in the NHL.

Lousy coach? Good coach?

These are just two of the many stories that we hear too often – perhaps you have one of them as well.

Getting fired when you’re doing the job – even doing a great job or earning a promotion.

In our venture capital/results now world, more and more people are becoming victims of bean counters who don’t even know what the people they are firing do so well.

They may get to tell you whether you have a job or not, but they don’t get to say that you have failed when you actually succeeded.

In fact, study any successful person in almost any type of career and you will see that along the way some damn fool doubted their ability to get the job done.

Don’t you do that.

I’m doing just fine.

Peter Laviolette has a shot at another Stanley Cup ring – a year ago when someone else decided he wasn’t the coach they wanted, he didn’t believe it.

And you will live another day to do what you do best.

Hire yourself every morning – and remind yourself why.

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Life is more stressful than ever.

We need to be the best, do the best – super-achieve.  And unfortunately we sell this snake oil to friends, associates, family and even ourselves.

And in the name of candor this hits close to home for me, as I am a perfectionist – guilty as charged.

Could you imagine saying that your children are cute, but they could be cuter.

Or that your friend is so loyal and caring but could be more so.

That your day on the beach was beautiful but if you didn’t have those two white clouds over the ocean, it would have been even better.

Thinking like this is pure insanity.

There are times in the day when pointing our shortcomings is worthwhile especially if you’re in charge of the wellbeing of others.  But not all day.

So, take the challenge I am taking for myself today – don’t try to improve anyone for 24 hours.

In fact, laugh to yourself when you get the urge and wonder how this poor person is going to go on without my perfectionist attitude.

Of course, they will and you will be closer to them.

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You’d think in the instant text-messaging world in which we live it would be impossible to not receive an answer to a text.

But it happens and it happens more than most people think.

No answer to your email or text, no problem.

No return phone call?  Why not?

But it may seem that when others want YOU to respond things are different.

What to do?

Here is a gem that may help.

People want what they cannot have.

They crave that which is often out of reach.  It’s part of the human condition.

So when you find yourself being ignored, take a step back and operate under the digital radar.  It’s not always on purpose but there is too much communication sometimes.

When I was a professor at USC I learned that no matter how much I prepared, or cared to teach the elements of the course, I could only do so when the students wanted to learn.

That was it.

Make them want to learn.

Same with relationships in the digital world.

Make them want to converse with you.  Just because we can doesn’t mean we should pound away until we get a response.

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The way not to win the approval of others is to spend your time trying to please them.

When trying to win the approval of others, look to yourself first.

The baseball great Ted Williams batted over .400 one season, something that has happened very infrequently in the sport.

But that means that 60% of the time, Williams was out – didn’t get a hit, didn’t help the team.

When we want to win the approval of others we must never try to hit 1.000 sucking up to them.

We must be true to ourselves.

Even when people do not agree, they seem to admire a person who is comfortable in their own shoes.

So today – just for one day – embrace yourself, make all that you are good enough without question, be confident of the gifts you have and even grateful for having them.

Then step up to the plate and do the best you can.

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The same reason we have to-do lists loaded with projects that take longer than a few minutes is why most of us have a hard time making meaningful life changes.

Big work to-dos take hours if not days, weeks or months.  Achievers know the key to completion is to break the project down into many little projects that can get closer to the end goal.

Same with meaningful life changes.

We want to be a better parent but that concept is so overwhelming it’s hard to know where to begin.

We want to be a better friend but it involves so much.  Where do we start?

We know we should live in the now to be happy but what do you do first?

We want to make a career change (or are forced to) but the thought is so overwhelming that it cannot be done in a few hours or even a few days.

Try this today.

Focus on one thing.

Only one thing instead of trying to change everything.

Be a better parent by helping children construct stronger boundaries – just one day, just one time.

Be a better friend by being a better listener for just one conversation not forever.  Forever cannot come before the first time happens.

Live in the now for one walk – around the block – concentrating on gratitude.  Just for a few minutes not all day.

And effect real career change by first deciding the one thing that will make you the happiest so you can take another small step toward the goal you just identified tomorrow.

Even small steps are big accomplishments.

And they feel just as good as swallowing up everything we want to do in one big move which, of course, is not possible.

Do something – anything – no matter how small and you have begun a meaningful life change.

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The number one malady for most people today is anxiety.

That is why anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills are flying off the shelves.

Anxiety is another word for worry and it breeds panic attacks, health problems and is the leading cause of unhappiness especially in younger people.

Those who have not experienced anxiety just don’t get it.  The fear of having a heart attack, chest pains, loss of breath and the fear of dying are among the many symptoms.

As a professor at USC I saw the toll young students paid for anxiety much of which was fueled by high expectations to perform and achieve.  Unfortunately, many of these expectations were driven by parental expectations.

• Replace negative self-talk with coping self-talk.  For every negative thought, come up with a positive one.  Never let negative thoughts exist without a positive counter thought.
• Manage stress in your life.  How?  Just be aware of what you can take and not take and then advocate for your best interest.
• Do not be around people who make you feel more stressful.
• You don’t have to convince anyone or everyone of the physical toll that anxiety has on you.  It is wasted energy. Put to better use by being kind to yourself.
• Isolate your fears and find a path to conquering or at least making a dent in them.
• Beware of social media.  Many anxious people are irritated or not relieved by investing their time in social media interaction.

Love and accept yourself as you are – a work in progress, a good person and human being who must be mindful of not taking on more than you can handle.

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Meaghan Francella is a Ladies Golf Tour winner who experienced a bad patch and found herself losing pro golf status.

For most that would be the beginning of unhappiness – imagine tasting success at such a high level and then having to live without it.

Except Meaghan decided to become a caddie – not just for family and friends but for those who could be considered her former competition on the pro tour.

This brave young woman who found herself dejected while on tour, found happiness being around the game of golf without all the pressure.

She downsized her house, her life, her car.

When Meaghan caddied for Min Lee of Taiwan she was able to help Lee go from 13^th to fifth on the Symetra Tour’s money list.  She has also caddied for young women who wanted to do what she had done – make the pro tour.

Sometimes being number one is not all that is cracked up to be.

Meaghan’s tour friends want to know why she played golf almost every day last year if she was just going to caddie.

The number one thing Meaghan Francella wants in life is to find happiness and in spite of the adversity she has faced, she says “I feel like I have”.

Question:  When was the last time we asked ourselves the question what makes us happy and had the courage to pursue it putting ego, money and power aside?

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There are more kind people in the world that there are naysayers, haters and evildoers.

But when enemies permeate our lives, they can make us miserable and even sick.

Harboring hatred simply eats away at us which is why there is a more effective solution for dealing with unresolved feelings for people we consider our enemies.

• Imagine how happy our enemies would be if they actually knew how much we despised them.
• Vow not to give them power over you.
• Animosity toward others almost always eats away at us even more – no matter how deserving, hating your enemies is tantamount to punishing yourself.
• When enemies are so close to us that we cannot avoid them, consider putting distance between you and them.
• Take away their power by refusing to react to what they are saying or doing. Don’t give them fuel to continue.
• And most important – this will always work if you can do it – take even one short moment to have compassion for your enemies. This does not mean liking what they do or accepting it. It means feeling sorry that they feel they have to hurt someone. Just this brief moment of compassion changes the way you respond and puts the power in your hands.

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The easiest thing to do seems like the hardest – to put a stop/loss on worry.

Worry is fear thought and nothing more.

Get a grip on fear by changing the way you look at it.

• 99% of what we fear will never happen – obsess on that, not the 1%.
• And the 1% hardly ever happens the way we fear it – know that and be reassured by it.
• Since we always fear the worst, be prepared to accept it and deal with the consequences on the 1% chance that it actually happens.
• Stay busy because it is impossible to be busy and worried sick.
• Gratitude reduces worry.
• Get the facts – most worry is based on assumptions not based on reality.
• Focus on what is right in our lives, not what is wrong and put both in its proper perspective.

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