Popular NBC news anchor Brian Williams is disgraced for lying about his participation in covering wars and tragedies like Katrina.  Banned from the air and public appearances at a financial loss of $5 million.

And soldiers who were actually in harm’s way are angry with him, as they should be.   So much so, they outted him.

Now top-rated Fox News talk show host Bill O’Reilly is fighting off accusations that he misrepresented his wartime reporting.

Everyone lies.

But the problem with lying is that when we do a lot of it, the lying seems real and distorts reality.  We believe our own lies.

Ever notice that even when a liar is caught dead in its tracks — they still seem to be in deep denial because they actually believed the lies that they were telling.

The best reason for not lying is a good memory is not required.

The truth will come out each and every time as it is.

So the issue is not whether Brian Williams or anyone else caught lying deserves a second chance but whether they’ve learned the lesson that the more you lie, the more it seems truthful.

Subscribe to these day starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to social media.

It is no accident that marriage counselors have their work cut out for them when couples show up with issues.

Almost always – one of those problems is a lack of communication.

So, counselors do what they can to get both sides to communicate effectively and honestly and learn to listen to what is being said.  Often it is too late.

I thought the way to a person’s heart was through their stomach.

Not quite.

Or passion.

That, too.

The best marriage advice I ever heard was “learn to be a good listener”.  Some people are born with this skill.  Most of us have to work on it – if we’re smart.

Being a good listener doesn’t mean not having an opinion.

It doesn’t even mean agreeing or giving in.

The heart can only feel what the senses arouse and one of the best – if not the best way to stir up feelings of love is to learn to listen.

Some thoughts:

• Wait until the other person stops speaking, pause a beat (a few seconds or more) and then talk.
• Respond — don’t react.  Reacting is what buys us even more trouble.
• The goal is to learn how to recap the essence of what the other person is saying from their point of view.  Then ask them if you basically heard it right.  Even if you are close, they will be pleased.
• Often our inability to be a good listener comes from our family of origin so rise above your childhood to acquire this awesome skill.

My best friend was so good at listening that when we were having lunch and were interrupted by the waitress in mid-sentence, I forgot what I was saying but he remembered in great detail or as he liked to say “JD, when you speak, I listen” and indeed he did.

Subscribe to these day starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to social media.

Jim Golay of Casper, WY was diagnosed with a brain tumor last February, but before he died, Jim set up delivery of Valentine flowers through a local florist every year for the rest of his wife, Shelly’s life.

So imagine how surprised Shelly was when her flowers arrived for the first time this Valentine’s day.

Shelly said, “even in death, he’s just amazing”.

It doesn’t take death at the doorstep to bring out the best in us.

Just a little adventure and thoughtfulness.

And the element of surprise!

We are capable of great things when we think out of the box – do the unthinkable.

Acts of kindness and love should be as much fun to do as they are to receive.

Subscribe to these day starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to social media.

How can it be that an athlete this talented suddenly cannot win?

True, he’s had injuries and personal problems but to watch Tiger Woods play golf and try to do the things he used to do so well – short game and putting – is sad.

Woods, it turns out is as human as the rest of us.  When he gets down on his luck succeeding is tougher.

When we have a crisis of confidence – and it happens quite often in life – the solution is not more pressure, more anxiety or more outside help.

It requires us to adhere to this powerful phrase that I like to repeat often:  “Be the fine person you are”.

That is enough.

Trying to be what you are not will never work for long.

Pressuring yourself to make changes with which you are uncomfortable is not playing your best game.

Recalling the abilities that you already have is the message we should keep in our heads.

I like to repeat:  “you’ve done something like this before, you can do it again”.

All the life coaches and motivational books in the world cannot cure a personal crisis in confidence the way spending 100% of your time focused on being the best that you can.

After all, that’s how we all achieved our original success in the first place.

Subscribe to these day starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to social media.

There is increasing evidence of a link between depression in college students and their use of social media.

The University of California Los Angeles annual survey shows that incoming freshmen in 2014 had the lowest level of self-rated emotional health in 49 years (over 153,000 first time, full-time students at 227 universities and colleges).

Social media usage has increased with the percentage of students using it six or more hours a week increasing from 18.9% in 2007 to 27.2% in 2014.

A University of Missouri student showed that there is a link between heavy Facebook usage with feelings of envy and depression.

A 2014 Austrian study concluded the more time respondents spent on Facebook, the more they felt they were wasting their time.

Whew!

Psychiatrist Dr. Victor Schwartz of the Jed Foundation says there is an association between depression and time spent on social media.

Maybe this is a red flag for parents.

Or a warning sign for the rest of us that there is no known effect of socializing with others face to face leading to depression.

Consciously seek out in-person contact with others on a daily basis to balance social media use.

Spend time every day being grateful for something – especially little things that we take for granted.

It is no accident that the increase in depression among the general population coincides with expanded use of digital contact.

Each year more antidepressants are dispensed than any other drug category.

Yet there is more depression each year than the previous year.

More drugs – more depression.

Perhaps the better prescription is balance, gratitude and live contact with real people face to face.

Subscribe to these day starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to social media.

There is a chemical in our brain that has only been traced in couples who have been in love for less than two years.

It has never been discovered in anyone in a relationship for more than two years.

In that initial stage, the smell, touch and even thought of the object of our love is like catnip.

After two years, not so much.

Now this doesn’t mean people do not love deeply after two years or have great passion for each other.  It means that they need an Act 2.

Part of Act 2 is to master the three L’s.

1. Listen – Truly listening and being able to accurately relate the sentiments of others back to them is an awesome power.  To be blunt, almost no couple that has mastered the skill of listening to each other breaks up.
2. Love – When the words “I love you” become augmented with specific acts attached to the words, we have fully loved another person.  Acts of sacrifice, consideration or appreciation fuel true love that transcends when love chemicals in our brain are no longer aplenty.
3. Lead – We don’t live on this earth to give orders or take orders.  We were put here to lead.  Use our God-given skills to show the people we love options for success and fulfillment.  There is no one leader in a good marriage.  Everyone leads.

There are many things that can enhance a relationship after those first few crazy years but all of them pass through the three L’s above.

Subscribe to these day starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to social media.

Those of you who know me personally will probably never believe that I was painfully shy as a child – so shy, my teachers encouraged my parents to force me into a children’s theater group to break out of my shell.

I hated it.

And hated that I felt trapped in my own body.

But then around 16 – and fueled by my almost impossible desire to be a disc jockey – I started coming out of it.  And oh yes, maybe my parents were right to push me into appearing before large public audiences in high school.

Today, even my closest friends laugh when I tell this story.

YOU shy?

Why would a shy guy become such a loudmouth – okay, at least someone with an on-air radio and TV career?

And that is because I learned how to not fear being in public – Today, I love audiences and love to perform.

But – and this is the point – underneath, I am still a shy guy.  I love my time alone.  I can walk on the beach forever but at some point, I like some balance and want to return to other side of my personality.

I taught public speaking for many years and encouraged my students to be themselves – don’t imitate what you think a speaker should be.

Speak about that which you have earned the right to speak about and you will always be compelling.

Be humble and show your humanness.

Some of the best speakers are very shy and some of the worst look so slick and polished that in your heart you know they are not real.

Shy is an incredible gift of introspection.

The only time shyness is a liability is when it stops you from being yourself in public.

Subscribe to these day starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to social media.

Look, I love my digital devices as much as the next person but being distracted by them in the company of another is just ignorant.

Doing it in front of your kids is asking for a payback in not too many more years.

Digital devices are the miracle of our age, but they are not a lifestyle.

Here’s some help dealing with rudeness:

Self-absorbed people who constantly obsess about themselves – cut the oxygen that feeds it, walk away, say bye, move on.  No ugly confrontation is necessary.

For those who are bored or disinterested in what you are saying – stop saying it.  Unless you need to say things people don’t want to hear, move on.

Hurtful people – When someone hurts your feelings, take a quick moment to be compassionate (i.e., it must be awful to be that other person and have to say hurtful things).  We often say hurtful things back when such comments are first directed at us.

Bullies – Push back and defend your boundaries without excuses every time.

Jealousy – is like the flu.  Try not to get it and don’t spread it to someone else.

Subscribe to these day starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to social media.

56-year old Detroit resident James Robertson walks 21 miles to and from work each day.

He leaves his home at 8am and doesn’t return home until 4am if a passerby doesn’t give him a ride.   And he does this Monday through Friday.

He gets only a few hours sleep.

And I thought being a radio dj was tough!

Makes you wonder – would you walk 21 miles to and from work daily for your job?

Robertson couldn’t afford a car on his $10.55 an hour pay.

And then the Internet intervened.

A student at Wayne State University set up a GoFundMe account in Robertson’s name and raised enough money for him to buy a car.

Enough was raised to buy a luxury vehicle, but Robertson decided on a Ford Taurus.  You see, he likes Fords and he said, “They’re simple on the outside, strong on the inside — like me.”

I’m big on overcoming problems – not because I like problems, God knows I have enough and I’m sure you do, too.

But anything that makes us prove we will go to any length to accomplish our goals, makes us stronger and more likely to attain them.

It makes me think – if we don’t have a job that we would make great sacrifices to keep, it is time to find that job.

Subscribe to these day starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to social media.

That’s the fascinating title of a new book by Gabriele Oettingen that argues keeping in mind obstacles to your dreams is a more effective way of achieving goals.

Norman Vincent Peale and Dale Carnegie are turning over in their graves over this new theory, I am sure.

The author has what she thinks is a better way – wish, outcome, obstacle, plan or WOOP for short.

I have an obvious fascination for that which motivates us.

For me, picturing in my mind’s eye that which I want to accomplish and spending hours and hours seeing my wish in vivid terms (colors, smells, feelings, outcomes) allows me to put up with a lot of suffering to get to my goal.  I am relentless once motivated in this way.

I also appreciate the fine art of not getting what I want as a motivator.

Why?

Because when I hit the wall, it gives me a chance to either retreat, climb it or run into it again.

But I don’t dismiss the benefits of rethinking positive thinking – the simplistic “you can do it” attitude that permeates our world in a way that just sounds like snake oil to most.

Whatever works for you is positive thinking.

Because in the end, no dream is attained without a plan to get there along with the necessary constant tests to see if we really want it that badly.

That’s a good thing.

“The solution isn’t to do away with dreaming and positive thinking. Rather, it’s making the most of our fantasies by brushing them up against the very thing most of us are taught to ignore or diminish: the obstacles that stand in our way” — Gabriele Oettingen

Subscribe to these day starters for free here.

Share them with friends and family by forwarding this email or posting to social media.