Vice President Joe Biden addressed the students of Yale in May with a message on success and happiness.

Biden lost his wife and a daughter to a fatal accident at a railroad crossing in 1972 weeks before he was to be sworn in to his first elected position to the U.S. House of Representatives.  She was returning home from picking up the family Christmas tree.

Beau Biden said, “My brother and I, not the Senate, were all that he cared about … he said then Delaware can get another senator but my boys can’t get another father.”

And they said this about a powerful senator and today’s vice president.

Life can change in a heartbeat, as Biden all well knows.

His secret to success and happiness in light of such excruciating pain of losing part of his family:

“It’s about being engaged …It’s about being there for a friend or a colleague when they’re injured or in an accident, remembering the birthdays, congratulating them on their marriage, celebrating the birth of their child. It’s about being available to them when they’re going through personal loss. It’s about loving someone more than yourself.”

Who knew that when Biden shared these words it would be just two more weeks before he lost yet another child, Beau, to brain cancer.

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A friend of mine has terminal cancer – stage four. But to talk to him you’d think that he has had the burdens of the world lifted from his shoulders.

I have always been amazed how breast cancer patients can fight for life and succeed for many decades but they are a changed person.

They no longer fear death.

They fear not living life to its fullest.

And pain is transformational so running up against a disease, or a loss of a relationship, a job that defines your essence, or even loss of money putting you back to square one – it is not surprising that fighting for change often leads to the appreciation of acceptance.

We don’t have to like what we can’t change, but we can be liberated by it.

The next time you run up against something you weren’t expecting, make the best of it and find meaning in it.

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• Slow down.
• Take time off.
• Live and let live.
• Don’t attempt to convert someone from one religion to another.
• Work for peace.
• Work at a job that offers basic human dignity.
• Don’t hold on to negative feelings.
• Move calmly through life.
• Enjoy arts, books and playfulness.

After he was selected pope, he said smilingly “May God forgive you for what you’ve done”.

What are your top 9 secrets to happiness?

If you’ve never thought about it, start a list right now and feel free to borrow liberally from Pope Francis’ list above.

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It’s not brains.

It’s knowing the difference between fact and assumption.

When we make bad decisions, we are usually basing them on an assumption we have made.  Even the best thinking in the world doesn’t hold up if it’s based on something that is not true.

A fact is something that can be observed and verified.

An assumption is a thing that we accept as true without proof.

Many relationships have been damaged or broken because the parties were not dealing with reality – with is authentic.  Instead, things were said and decisions made based on a belief that could not be proven.

Focus on constantly discerning what is fact and what is assumption.

Most people are quite capable of making great decisions once they can tell the difference between what is real and what they think is real.

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Focus 100% of your attention on the other person.

Most of us are always looking for ways to spend more time with those we love and care about. Often, that time spent is at the expense of other important things and the quality is rushed.

We may think that children want mom and dad to spend more time with them but what they really want is 100% of their parent’s attention.

It’s not surprising we teach our children the wrong things when we’re distracted by business, by phones and by our digital devices.

What prompted me to write this piece is a neighbor who was grilling dinner on the deck while his children were playing. The “chef” had one of those phones attached to his ear and you could hear his business conversation in the next yard.

By the time dinner was done, the steaks (that smelled great) were barbequed but he managed never to interact with his children once. Not a word.

Not pointing fingers. Just saying that whether it’s children, co-workers, spouses or friends, the winning recipe for more quality time is not measured in time spent but in time invested 100% in conversation.

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This is the poignant way Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg described the choice that she had 30 days after the sudden death of her husband Dave Goldberg.

When we lose a loved one, we struggle.

Sandberg’s article is so worth the few minutes it takes to read.

The struggle with loss is always with us – the loss of a loved one who is irreplaceable.  The loss of our careers, marriages, relationships, health and time concern all of us no matter what age.

Goldberg was 47 years old.

Sandberg shared a situation that occurred after her husband’s death that required a father-child activity that he will obviously not be able to make.

So her friend put his arm around her and said, “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.”

We will always mourn for the first option but expressing our eternal love for someone in real time is the new mission.

Sheryl Sandberg channels a song by Bono, “There is no end to grief . . . and there is no end to love.”

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Mayo Clinic’s Dr. Amit Sood says that the world is now so fast we find ourselves hurrying even when we’re not late.

Hurry has become a habit.

It’s easy to blame our digital devices but we remain the masters of our digital devices.

This is on us.

If living in the present is our goal – if that is what promises to bring us the most happiness – we are rushing right past the now to what’s next.

The past is a file that you call up, refer to and then click off of.

The future is for planning ahead but we cannot live in the future.

All we have is what’s happening now – good or bad.

To rush past the present is a lost opportunity.

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Robert Hatfield Ellsworth had his own table at Donohue’s steakhouse in Manhattan, a hangout for the rich and famous and not so famous.

When he died recently as the New York Times reported, Ellsworth left $50,000 to each of his two favorite waiters. How’s that’s for a final tip?

But look what one of the waiters said about the art broker’s very generous gift:

“…I’d give back the money tomorrow to have him back because Bob was like a member of the family…”

Even money – lots of it is not as potent a gift than the presence of a kind person.

There are many ways we can show our gratitude in small meaningful ways.

Write a note on the bill of a restaurant.

Tell a person to their face why they are special to you.

Give them the gift of your time in a world where everyone seems to be rushing through living in the present.

Being the fine person you are is the only investment that’s needed to make others happy.

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Turning yourself inside out to make friends is a slippery slope.

Too quickly you may regret the changes that you’ve had to make in the name of friendship and it’s difficult to sustain that which doesn’t come naturally.

When I was divorced, a counselor said to me, spend more time working on the person you want to be not the one you want to meet.

How powerful that was.

And it is true in all kinds of relationships.

Who do you want to be in that friendship?

What kind of a co-worker or boss do you want to be?

What are the four values that guide your happiness (if we don’t know, we should reflect on it)?

And, what four qualities do I like most in others.

When we know where we are going, we have a better chance of getting there.

Meeting nice people starts by being introduced to ourselves first.

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When I don’t worry does that mean I have replaced it with something better?

Worry is a natural reaction to events and actions that make us fearful of losing control.

Once it starts, worry is hard to stop.

And when we worry for years or for a lifetime, it defines us.

So eliminating worry is really not possible without replacing it with something better.

Actually, eliminating worry is fairly doable.

99% of the things we worry about will never happen and the 1% that does is hardly ever exactly what we feared.

Question: looking at it like this, do you think it is a good use of time to worry about things that are likely never to happen as we fear them?

That’s why we should replace worry with something significant, healthy and better for our minds.

The freedom that comes from letting go.

When athletes let go, they play better. When they bear down, they inhibit themselves, slump or underperform.

The antidote for worry should not just be the absence of worry but the newfound freedom that comes from letting go.

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