Bullying isn’t just directed at kids – although that is of epidemic proportion with the advent of social media.

Bullying happens big time at the workplace and in spite of attempts by a few companies to stop it, it creates unhappy employees in non-productive situations.

The Workplace Bullying Institute 2014 survey indicates that of those who felt they were targeted the overwhelming majority of people possessed positive attributes.

Nice people getting the brunt of bullying.

And the number one factor most responsible for bullying at work was not even the victim (that was number two).  It was something about the bully him or herself.

Something about the employer was third.

Adult bullies were either bullies as children or were bullied as children.

Report it.

Fight back.

Just like in the schoolyard, stand up to the bully and don’t back down.

Choose not to be the victim of bullying if you want it to stop.

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A reluctance to try new things.

Self-sabotage – procrastinating on goals.

Being a perfectionist only willing to do those things that can guarantee success.

Low self-confidence and destructive self-talk.

A lot has been said about overcoming fear but I find you can’t talk yourself into doing things with words alone.

It takes action steps.

Do the thing you fear to do and the fear will go away from you.

And build confidence.

And put an end to the anxiety that comes with fear.

If you fear to live life, you run the risk of losing life.

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I have been married three times.

I’ve heard all the jokes about being divorced twice – “Which ex are you talking about?”  Ha, Ha – not funny.

These were not marriages of long duration but enough time to have a child in each, which makes everyone connected forever.

My wife, Cheryl and I have been married for 17 years and going strong.

How is it that I could have been the wrong person for the first and second and been so right for the third?

I am basically the same person with a little growth, I hope.

I wrote a chapter on divorce in my book Out of Bad Comes Good – The Advantages of Disadvantages which ended with the statement “out of bad marriages come good people”.

Never let a broken relationship break you or your spirit. 

My mother was right (again) – there is someone for everyone.

“The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.” — Robert C Dodds

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I once owned a publication that enjoyed much critical and financial success.

Then, one day without notice a competitor – a good one that should know better – printed a rumor that we were going out of business.

I was beside myself.  Wouldn’t you be?  It was far from true.

But how to deal with badmouthing whether it is public or behind our backs?

I couldn’t – or shouldn’t – take the bait and print a rebuttal.

Could I ignore it?

Readers and advertisers were calling me wanting to know if it was true that the publication was going out of business.

Have you ever felt that way?  All your hard work undermined by a person who badmouths you?

I turned to my friend Malcolm Rosenberg who had helped me through a number of difficult situations previously and I’d like to share his advice with you in case you or someone you know or love has been adversely affected by badmouthing.

Keep doing what you’re doing.

Pay absolutely no attention to the backbiting comments or criticisms.

The best answer is to prove them wrong by doing not by talking or making excuses.

In time, the rumor issue died out as my publication continued to improve and ironically, the publication that did the accusing – even though they apologized in print – eventually went out of business.

Do – don’t stew when you become the victim of hurtful and unfair badmouthing.

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I can’t speak in public.

I don’t do technology.

I’m a good follower not a leader.

Any sentiment that contains “can’t”, “don’t” and “not” in it is like shooting yourself in the foot before you even try.

I used to teach business executives, students and stay at home parents to speak in public.  They never think they can do it, but I’ve never seen a doubter who didn’t become a believer once they adopted two positive thoughts.

Be yourself.

Earn the right to speak about the topic.

There are enough people in the world who put us down, don’t help them.

No one said it better than Napoleon Hill.

“Whatever your mind can conceive and believe the mind can achieve regardless of how many times you may have failed in the past.”

Previous failures are irrelevant.

Believing in yourself starts with making a decision that you are worth it.

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Most people are awfully hard on themselves.

But often doing the best that we can is more than enough.

Remembering that is worth a lot.

I tell my USC students who wanted to know the secret to success in the music and media industry is just to focus on being excellent at what they do.

Being excellent is different from setting out to make money.

Get good.

Not rich.

Constantly judging ourselves can become self-abuse.

Try to improve – yes, by all means.

Money and happiness often follows being great at what you do instead of being good at making money.

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Jimmy Kimmel is doing a feature called Mean Tweets in which popular entertainment stars walk on stage from behind a curtain and read a real mean tweet sent to them.

At first, it’s a bit disturbing but then as star after star comes forward and reads these hateful comments, you wind up laughing at the depraved person who wrote them and hit send.

The stars have it right.

They laugh, they make faces and they basically make fun of the person who tweeted them.

Humor is a way to deflect hateful language whether in a tweet, an email or in person. Embrace it and encourage it in others especially young people.

The moment you let this vitriol get to you, the spineless perpetrator wins.

But laugh at them, which is what you do when you see how attractive stars read them out loud and the joke is on the hater.

Laugh beyond shame and the shame deflects to the haters.

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Gossip seems to be the major form of communication at work.

People can be two-faced with a smile.

The results are almost always hurtful and often damaging to your career.

This is simple advice that is not that simple to do.

Gossip presumes that there will be a gossiper and a listener.  If no one listens, the gossip falls idle.

If we don’t like people to gossip about us, don’t listen to gossip about anyone else (I told you this is not simple to do).

We can also put back biting in its proper place by:

• Asking if it’s true.
• Is what is being said going to make for goodwill and better friendships?
• Will it benefit all concerned?
• If backbiting amounts to sexual harassment or discrimination, tell the offender to stop and report it to your superior or HR if it continues.  Sadly, harassment and discrimination still runs rampant even in 2015.

Put backbiters in their place by being proactive.

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New research tells us that looking down at your phone can force up to 60 pounds of weight on your spine.

I see it in me and others who look more bent over – even people in their teens and 20’s who are more prolific when it comes to texting.

Another finding is that an average person spends between two and four hours a day looking down on their smartphones.

If the proven peril of texting while driving can’t get us to stop texting then being bent over and pressuring our necks isn’t going to do it either.

The answer.

Keep texting.

Align your ears with your shoulder blades in a neutral position.

Put your phone directly in front of your face.

In years to come, you can avoid back pain and a permanently slouched posture.

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The best advice I have ever heard about arguing is Dale Carnegie’s wisdom:

“The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it”.

Yes, that too.

But when an argument breaks out at work or at home, let go the satisfaction of having to be right if being right means that you lose or damage that relationship.

• Hurt?  Use language that expresses how you feel not how bad the other person is.  Instead of “You’re never available when I need you” try “I wish we could spend a few moments together – it would mean a lot to me”.
• Ban the word “you” and substitute the word “I”.
• Express your thoughts sincerely not with an attitude.

Some kinds of anger are appropriate and helpful.

Controlled outrage helps us express ourselves to others.

Inappropriate anger is hurtful, damaging and ineffective.

If your goal is to strike out at the other person for their part in a disagreement, keep yelling.

But if you can’t avoid an argument and want to maintain your relationship, use these rules to make the best of it.

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