When I was in college, my best buddy in the broadcasting program and I decided to pitch small, local stations on a show that featured both of us as a team.

One day, from a phone booth at school, my friend contacted the program director of a small suburban radio station (with me by his side) and I plainly heard him say, “Jerry and I want to do a show for your station”.

The program director told him, “I don’t need two djs doing a show. I need one part-timer for the weekends”.

My friend took the job right there and then without even consulting me.

I was shocked, hurt and disappointed.

But I learned a lesson.

Friends who are selfish will regret their selfishness.

He took the weekend job for minimum wage in a radio station that was dumpier than a gas station.

I continued to look for work.

We remained friends but things were never the same.

Then, I made a call to a local TV station by myself and got hired as a booth announcer for more money than I ever made in my life up to that point.

The one thing I never forget is that if my friend had not sold me down the river, we would still be shopping that ill-fated show and I would have missed my opportunity to make the phone call that eventually got me a job in a market television station.

Out of bad comes good.

When friends disappoint, rise above it because you may find a greater reward without them.

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“I’ll never find another guy like that again”.

“He was a tough boss and I let him down – there goes my best job ever”.

“I have lost the best friend I ever had”.

Stop!

Try these.

“He was rude and not that good looking”.

“Good job, lousy boss.  Good riddance”.

“My friend turned on me, but I will be a good friend to someone else”.  

Glamorizing people who hurt us distorts the relationship and makes us reward bad behavior.

Be fair when assessing the positive traits of another, but don’t put someone who hurts you on a pedestal.

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I used to go to bed after days I’d like to forget.

Of course, that doesn’t solve the problem but gets us ready to attack it the next day.

• All disappointment is temporary.  True, it hurts – sometimes very deeply.  But disappointment will eventually turn into good fortune.
• Isolate what is really disappointing you.  This can be a revelation because often what disappoints us is not what we think it is.
• Focus on others not yourself.  It is impossible to feel badly when we concentrate our attention on others.
• Don’t take it personally.  You didn’t “deserve it”. You didn’t “ask for it”.  It’s not that you’re “not good enough”.  Taking things personally makes it difficult to get to what is really eating us.

Keep expectations low and motivation high to never be disappointed.

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Why do we let people lure us into skirmishes that drag us away from the person we want to be?

Winning the battle is not winning the war.

If you spend more time getting someone back for what they did to you, you lose the war and stand a good chance of losing the battle they picked with you.

And there are likely to be more meaningless but emotional fights.

To win more and lose less, ask yourself – what is my goal?

And if you decide that your goal is to be the fine person you are, a good spouse, a loving parent or a loyal friend, let no person distract you.

Remove the imaginary button that many of us wear that says, “Push” to force us to react instead of respond.

Winning doesn’t mean besting another person.

It doesn’t mean beating someone out of a job, a promotion, or a compliment.

It means staying the course that constantly asks you “What type of a person do you want to be?” and then let no one deter you.

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It is common today to see parents tell their children that when they lose at, say, sports, they actually win.

This is not quite the message we want to convey.

Perhaps you work with people who have a high estimation of themselves just because they show up.

Last week, NFL Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison made headlines when he said that the trophies his sons received for simply participating would be returned.

Here’s Harrison’s reaction via Instagram:

“I came home to find out that my boys received two trophies for nothing, participation trophies! While I am very proud of my boys for everything they do and will encourage them till the day I die, these trophies will be given back until they EARN a real trophy. I’m sorry I’m not sorry for believing that everything in life should be earned and I’m not about to raise two boys to be men by making them believe that they are entitled to something just because they tried their best…cause sometimes your best is not enough, and that should drive you to want to do better…not cry and whine until somebody gives you something to shut u up and keep you happy. #harrisonfamilyvalues”

What often gets lost is that there is meaning in losing – falling short of our goals.

Losing helps us discover how badly we want really something (or not).

Losing teaches us lessons that can eventually help us to win.

Whether on the field, in the classroom or office, falling short of our goals can be transformational.

We win when we don’t give up.

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He’s 90.

He’s done more since being president of the United States than most people do in their entire lives: books, poetry, The Carter Center, monitoring elections in third world nations to ensure that they are helped honestly.

But it is the way Jimmy Carter is dealing with his mortality that touches me.

In good humor, he goes before cameras and talks about how his melanoma has spread to his brain, his reaction (more accepting then he thought), the optimism of a new chemotherapy treatment and this …

I’m ready for my next adventure — whatever that is.

Carter is scheduled to go to Nepal in a few months if he is able. He has cut back his schedule but hasn’t thrown it away.

He’s at peace with death because he intends to live every moment of his life.

And that is the gift Jimmy Carter reminds us of.

When we are afraid to live life, we run the risk of losing life.

There are a lot of things we cannot control but one of them is to live each day as if it is your last.

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Sports stars have their agents negotiate relatively short term contracts for them to maximize their earning potential and in some cases extend their careers.

The rest of us should be no different.

Here is the approach I use and write about in my book that makes me a “free agent” every summer even though I own my own business.

• Take at least a week – I use a vacation week – to review the past year.  Ask yourself the question:  “Do I want to do this again next year?”  Perhaps the answer is yes, but I need more.  Now is the time to figure out what that is.
• Isolate the things you want to do – today, tomorrow and further on in life.  Question:  are you doing them?  If you’re not pursing your dreams in some way, you’re in a dead end career even if you are being paid well.
• Once you know what you want to do next year, divide it into the following categories – off-season (the one you’re in when you are reviewing the past year), pre-season, the season and post-season.  For example, you may want to add something rewarding to your career that requires additional education.  That’s your pre-season.  Once you’re ready to follow your dreams, consider that your season.  Post season is reserved for upping your motivation to accomplish greater goals at the end of the regular season.
• Everything is on the table.  If you want to go to nursing school but you work in sales, the moment you know what you want to do you have taken the first step.
• I sign a new contract with myself every year for one year only and then I go through the process all over again in 12 months.  It is amazing at how my “contracts” have changed from 5 or even 10 years ago.  Had I not done this, imagine what I would have missed out on.

My grandfather worked for the railroad all his life.

At the end, a year before retirement they tried to get him to quit and assigned him to handling a locomotive 100 miles from home each day.  He persisted, got his retirement but wasted whatever dreams he had by passively devoting himself to a company that did not have his best interests in mind.

Think of your life as a renewable contract that is renegotiated by you with you to put you in the best position to start realizing your dreams.

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Maybe you’re like me and have tried everything else.

Here’s a guaranteed way to reduce stress immediately.

Simplify your life.

• Digital communication makes our lives richer but more stressful.  Consider that more than 95% of our digital and social interactivity is an interruption to productivity and rarely brings us happiness.  It can wait, so let it.
• Multitasking sounds good but it induces even more stress.  Since when does doing two or three things simultaneously make us happier and more successful?  Actively and constantly look for ways to do less.  Twenty percent of what we do everyday gives us 80% of our productivity.  Doggedly search for the things that make up that 20% and do only them.
• Use focused attention.  Work uninterrupted.  Break tasks into small pieces because it is a fact that the bigger the task ahead of us, the harder it is to get the time to work on it.  Divide it into smaller steps and do one at a time.
• Who are the most important people in your life?  Spend your time with them first, not interrupters, usurpers or less important people demanding your precious time.
• Yes, exercise, diet and a positive attitude contribute to stress reduction but actively looking for things to let go of is the Holy Grail of stress reduction.

Eliminating stress will always be replaced by more stress unless you focus your attention on only that which means the most to you in life.

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There are now more Millennials (roughly 18-34) in the workplace than any other generation including Gen X and Baby Boomers.

So chances are if you are not already working with or for people who are younger, you soon will.

• None are so old as those who have outlived their zest for enthusiasm.  The enthusiastic worker or co-worker is ageless and rarely thought of by their age.  If you get this right, you won’t need the next few suggestions.
• The good old days are not that good.  Most people would never want to go back in time to a “better” day.  So give it up and stop talking about it.  Nothing says out of date and out of touch more than a person who speaks of the past when working in the present.
• Young people expect a fast track for their ideas (just like older people did in their youth).  Check your ego at the door and help them realize their ideas and your value multiplies.
• Think of younger people with the love you have for your own children.  As a professor at USC I thought of my students as extended family.  And healthy families disagree and disappoint but they like each other.  Ironically, I have seen some teachers who disliked the Millennial generation and the feeling of the students was mutual.
• You don’t have to dress like someone 25 or 35 years old to gain the respect of your boss or co-workers.  I’m thinking of Steve Jobs who was a baby boomer in jeans and turtlenecks who loved The Eagles and The Beatles.  But Jobs respected the desires of a much younger generation and built great products for them.

Only a fool tries to be younger but a wise person becomes invaluable by having the confidence to leave their resume in the past and helping others realize their dreams.

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You don’t walk out of the movie early if you want to know how it ends.

Same is true of a bad day or bad streak of luck.

Everyone always rebounds.  It just feels so terrible until then.

To pick up a down day, consider that a day has 24 hours and lots of things can happen in that period of time.

Think of it as one of many other things that make up your life.

“Every adversity, every failure and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or a greater benefit.” – Napoleon Hill

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