Young people in school and college easily make friends – often for life – because it is the only time in their lives when they are likely to be surrounded by large numbers of people within four years of their age and with similar things in common.

All the Facebook friends in the world don’t add up to a true friend.  All the parties you throw or attend, cannot attract another one of the special people who make life richer.

The best way to find a new and exceptional new friend is to be a new and exceptional new friend.

Relationships cannot be forced nor can they be compromised.

Being the fine person that you are 24/7 is the best way to attract a good friend.

And if you connect, rest easy and be yourself because there’s a lot more of what you have to offer where that came from.

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Mayo Clinic doctors say that the value of all the elements in a human body is worth just $4.50.

But if you’re worth $500,000 or $5 million, is the value of the elements in your body then worth more than $4.50?

Isn’t it odd that we identify our self-worth in terms of the money that we have made or have invested.

The cars that we drive or the real estate that we own.

Here’s a new way to look at self-worth.

Think about the people in your life for whom you are worth more than money.

Maybe a spouse, a friend, a child …

Where your spirit is invaluable and you are a unique person who can never be replaced.

What is the value placed on that?

Then, as the author Dr. Amit Sood reminds us, “value yourself based on the highest bidder”.

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Let’s borrow a tactic from sports.

Divide life into smaller components and you’ll likely see more success and less demotivating failure.

• Set time units to measure success.  One month to judge sales revenue increases not one year.  If you have a bad month, you learn from it and start fresh the next month.
• Smart coaches divide their playing seasons into, say, 10 games in which to judge play.  So a losing streak can end after 10 games without bringing down the entire season even though the standings reflect the losses.
• Small periods of time are more doable for most of us.
• Succeeding for multiple short periods can then be looked at as x number of winning periods in a row.
• Some teams that barely make the playoffs can go on to win the Super Bowl.  It happened to the Giants a few years back.  And teams that go unbeaten can lose the big game.
• Judge excellence in shorter measured time periods to build on strengths and eliminate weaknesses without losing heart.

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Bulletin: the two are not connected.

That’s what the Million Woman Study in Great Britain has concluded.

“Happiness and related measures of well-being do not appear to have any direct effect on mortality” according to the study.

It’s a knife to my heart. My wife won’t believe it, either. I have shared the news with friends and they don’t believe it.

Stress and unhappiness MUST cause disease, right?

Stress causes heart attacks, not inflammation or cholesterol or other issues.

But not according to this study.

I share this morning because what’s health got to do with happiness?

Some of the happiest people I have known are cancer patients who are no doubt ill but many of whom have arrived at a way to live more happily in the present.

I knew a radio station owner dying of cancer who gave away his radio station to see it live on and he continued to do the thing he loved, broadcasting, right up until the end.

As I readjust to this shocking research revelation, I am reminded to never postpone joy because that is why we are here.

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Everyone submits a resume when applying for work, but my USC music students learned a new way to get the interview and eventually the job.

It’s a one-sheet that will put your qualifications ahead of the best looking, most powerful resume because yours is focused on the hiring needs of the company.

1. Write 7 sentences and number them in order.  Each one has both a qualification or skill that you possess and one that your research shows the hiring company most desires.
2. Bold each of the 7 sentences.
3. Next to each bolded skill, write a second sentence (unbolded) that factually states the real experience you have to justify your claim.
4. Put your name at the top of the sheet somewhat like this “How Jerry Del Colliano Can Help Ferrari of North America”.   Email, phone number under your name.  Nothing else.

Here’s an example of 1 of the 7 items:

1. Works well with creative people and task groups. I am a Dale Carnegie instructor in human relations.

One of my students called in a panic saying that his interview was the next afternoon and he was having trouble coming up with 7 qualifications that fit the company’s perceived needs.

I said, cancel the interview.  If you don’t have the skills, you’ll know it before you get to #7.  If you do, you’ll kill at the interview.

One more thing.  Never carry more than one copy of this sheet into a face-to-face interview.  If the interviewer asks for a copy (the one you’re using to refer to), tell her/him that you were planning to leave your copy for her/him.

Most job seekers who are super qualified for a position often put themselves in with many people who are not and then it’s a crapshoot.

But if you were hiring and someone handed you an easy to read sheet with everything you’re looking for in a job candidate backed up with proof, which person would your hire?

Good luck.

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If there is one thing that people want – no, crave – it is a person focused on listening to them.

This is not just true in our self-absorbed society but was always valid.

The best listener has the most friends.

The best listener gets the best jobs.

The best listener is even confused for being the best conversationalist, which sounds odd but is often true.

Most of us have to work hard at being a good listener.

Some lucky people have it in their DNA.

But if being a better listener is a goal there is one way to get started even if listening does not come easy.

Focus on what is being said with the intention of summarizing it.

Listen, put what you’re hearing into a few short phrases and keep listening.

Listening with a purpose is the secret to becoming a better listener.

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It’s the shame of being fired even more than the lack of income that causes anxiety.

We are our jobs.

Spend more time working than anything else but sleeping (and sometimes even more than sleeping).

We are defined by the jobs we hold, the companies we work for and the people who constitute our work friends.

No one ever holds a party to celebrate losing their jobs.

No matter how much evidence there is that bad breaks like firings and layoffs almost always turn into something more positive and eventually more lucrative, we’re stuck on the feeling of shame.

To make it worse some employers fire people without respect to their feelings. Others don’t let the fired say goodbye or even pack up their own belongings – shaming moves.

When we fear for our careers focus on what makes us so valuable:

• Always be able to name the three things that make you valuable to an employer – say it out loud daily.
• Just as you should save money for a “rainy day” also save self-esteem for when you need it most.
• Do what I do – keep a file under notes on your smartphone and list every accomplishment you have with the latest on top.  Then often scroll through this list when waiting for an appointment or ending a day so you can remind yourself of specific accomplishments that you are proud of.
• Fear of the future is more damaging then what could actually happen.  Most of our fears will never be realized but reminding ourselves of what makes us valuable increases our confidence.

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Perhaps you’ve read this quote from the basketball great Michael Jordon:

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career.  I’ve lost almost 300 games.  26 times I have been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed.  I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life.  And that is why I succeed”.

We’ve got it all wrong.

Failure isn’t bad.

Failing means trying – it means learning and getting better.

It helps us get in touch with our determination – how badly do we want to win?

Adversity introduces us to ourselves and to those around us.

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I once followed Dick Clark in addressing the Country Music Broadcasters Convention in Nashville.

Clark was a fan favorite and hit it out of the park using video, stories and humor.

There were over 700 people in the auditorium and I don’t know whether I ever shared this before but it was one of the few times that I was concerned about doing a good job.

I stepped from backstage out into the audience to try and figure out what Clark was doing that I probably had to do.

But the more I tried to shoehorn myself into someone else’s act, the more anxious I became.

Until it hit me.

We were both invited to address this conference – Dick, as the expert in TV and music and me as the “expert” in radio.

In other words, I must have earned the right to be on stage and I needed to get that into my head.

When my turn came, I walked to the podium – glanced left, right and center to remind the audience and most importantly me that I had earned the right to be addressing this fine group.

To increase confidence, look for ways to remind yourself that you have earned the right to be the leader, the presenter, the supervisor, the highly engaged employee and it will make all the difference in the world.

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George Zimmer, the Men’s Warehouse founder known for saying “you’re going to like the way you look – I guarantee it” was shockingly fired a few years ago by his hand chosen board of directors.

One board member was even a childhood buddy.

Suddenly Zimmer was out when he vehemently opposed the merger with Jos A. Bank merger.

I’ve been there. Maybe you have, too.

Everything you worked so hard for is suddenly gone.

Since then, Zimmer started a new Internet venture Generation Tux, an online tuxedo rental business.

His new business is going gangbusters and his former business is spiraling downward.

They wouldn’t listen to Zimmer when he said do not merge with our brick and mortar competitor, Jos. A. Bank.

He was right and he still got fired.

Lessons?

• In example after example, people who succeeded have first failed (often many times). Look at failure as a rehearsal for success.
• The end is always the beginning of something new – repeat that thought over and over and do not dwell on what’s over and cannot be changed.
• Humility when on top helps save face when the bottom falls out.
• Without failure we would be tempted to continue in jobs we’ve outgrown and missed the opportunity to hit new heights.
• There is no such thing as failure – only an opportunity to succeed at something else.
• When you’re down, you get a chance once again to see who your real friends are and to value them even more.

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