As a Dale Carnegie instructor, I would interact with fine people from all walks of life who had one thing in common.

They all wanted to be a better person.

So when certain modules in the course came up, students would commit to working on the human relations principles in hopes of being that person.

When a person committed to stop criticizing, condemning and complaining (a big Carnegie principle) in class, it would be received favorably by supportive family members and friends at home.

But faced with people who are negative and shaming, even the best intentions to improve get derailed.

Stop spending time with negative people.

And I know what you’re going to say, “but, Jerry what if that negative person is a spouse or a family member?”

My answer remains the same – step back, do not let them shame you or discourage you from being the person you want to be.

Sadly, those closest to us can sometimes be our worst enemy.

Rid your life of negative people by rejecting the shame that they try to make you feel for wanting to be all you can be.

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I saw recently that Los Angeles Kings General Manager Dean Lombardi is second-guessing himself over a key hockey player he acquired, Mike Richards.

Richards has been slacking off in his on-ice performance and now there are off-ice issues such as drug possession, which have led to Richards being dropped by the team.

Lombardi is beating himself up by saying he was sure that Richards was better than this and now he doesn’t trust his own instincts any more.

That’s what got my attention because we’ve all been there.

Second-guessing is a form of personal self-destruction when the best decision we could make at the time turns out not to be that good.

Who knew?

Who ever knows for sure?

Second-guessing serves no purpose.

Make your most honest instinct be good enough.

Listen to your inner self because more often than not that is good enough.

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What kind of hurtful world do we live in when supermodels are being shamed for being too fat and preventing skinnier models from having their chance to walk the runway?

It happened again when Gigi Hadid fought back by going to social media and confronting haters.

“No, I don’t have the same body type as the other models in the shows,” Hadid posted.  “I represent a body image that wasn’t accepted in high-fashion before … Saying, “Yes, I have abs, I have a butt, I have thighs, but I’m not asking for special treatment.”

She has worked for Chanel and Versace, not too shabby.

Mean comments won’t change her well-earned success if the haters’ comments are not taken to heart.

You don’t think of your mother as fat even if she is overweight.

You don’t think of your wife as chubby if she brought two of your children in the world and hasn’t lost her “baby weight”.

The definition of a beautiful body should never start with an insult from a mean or jealous person.

Gigi Hadid is not the first beautiful person to be called ugly.  Haters were all over Kendall Jenner for being too skinny in recent days.

No one gets to shame your body if you’ll stick up for it and love it as is.

Or as Gigi Hadid puts it:  “I hope everyone gets to a place in their life where they’d rather talk about the things that inspire them over the things that bring others down.”

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Oh, yes – here is the beautiful model Internet trolls would have you hate.

I once had a meeting with a satellite radio executive in the Faculty Club at USC when he pulled out not one but two phones and laid them on the table.

That’s before looking at a menu or starting a conversation.

Before sitting down.

Unfortunately the two phones turned out to be the default conversation.

He could see that I was discouraged and distracted so at one point he looked up and said, “What do you want me to do?”

I shot back, “Give me $15,000 for my student’s media project.”

He said okay and went back to the phones.

(I guess I shouldn’t complain but he was such an interesting person and yet I never got his full attention).

One of my friends told me he has a way to flush out people who refuse to stop looking at their phones when they are out to dinner.

He suggests they all put their phones face down in the middle of the table and the first one to check their phones before the meal ends up paying the check.

Stop sitting idly by when other’s rudely keep deviating from conversation to their digital devices.

I read an article recently where a teenage girl asked her father to dinner to talk to him.

But Dad couldn’t put the phone down even when she asked him to.

Finally she said, “I want to talk to you, dad, not your phone”.

So let me end with this well documented fact:  adults teach their children rude phone behavior.

How about setting a better example.

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Many people only know Yogi Berra through his famous Yogi-ism, but he was an outstanding baseball player for The New York Yankees playing in 14 World Series and winning ten times.

Berra died at 90 at his New Jersey home on September 22.

He had only an eighth grade education.

But it is his Yogi-isms that almost everyone knows.

When asked what time it was, he replied, “You mean now”.

“It ain’t over until it’s over” his way of describing a particularly hard baseball season.

“When you come to the fork in the road, take it” was attributed to Yogi but some are not sure.  Well, it doesn’t matter anyway.

Here’s who Yogi Berra is beyond the stats and quotes.

When unpredictable Yankees owner George Steinbrenner fired Berra a few games into a new season that was bad enough but it was the way that Berra was fired that got him.

Through a messenger!

Berra considered it an unforgivable example of rudeness and disrespect and refused to have anything to do with the Yankees until Steinbrenner apologized over a decade later in 1999.

Steinbrenner called firing Yogi Berra the worst mistake he ever made in baseball.

What an example Berra made of standing up for what’s right.

Turning away the accolades of others for all those lost years to stand on principle.

Yogi Berra received loud and sustained ovations at Yankee stadium after the Steinbrenner apology and his return to New York.

The right thing to do is not always easy but if we’re ever looking for courage, look no further than Yogi Berra.

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Bullying isn’t just directed at kids – although that is of epidemic proportion with the advent of social media.

Bullying happens big time at the workplace and in spite of attempts by a few companies to stop it, it creates unhappy employees in non-productive situations.

The Workplace Bullying Institute 2014 survey indicates that of those who felt they were targeted the overwhelming majority of people possessed positive attributes.

Nice people getting the brunt of bullying.

And the number one factor most responsible for bullying at work was not even the victim (that was number two).  It was something about the bully him or herself.

Something about the employer was third.

Adult bullies were either bullies as children or were bullied as children.

Report it.

Fight back.

Just like in the schoolyard, stand up to the bully and don’t back down.

Choose not to be the victim of bullying if you want it to stop.

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A reluctance to try new things.

Self-sabotage – procrastinating on goals.

Being a perfectionist only willing to do those things that can guarantee success.

Low self-confidence and destructive self-talk.

A lot has been said about overcoming fear but I find you can’t talk yourself into doing things with words alone.

It takes action steps.

Do the thing you fear to do and the fear will go away from you.

And build confidence.

And put an end to the anxiety that comes with fear.

If you fear to live life, you run the risk of losing life.

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I have been married three times.

I’ve heard all the jokes about being divorced twice – “Which ex are you talking about?”  Ha, Ha – not funny.

These were not marriages of long duration but enough time to have a child in each, which makes everyone connected forever.

My wife, Cheryl and I have been married for 17 years and going strong.

How is it that I could have been the wrong person for the first and second and been so right for the third?

I am basically the same person with a little growth, I hope.

I wrote a chapter on divorce in my book Out of Bad Comes Good – The Advantages of Disadvantages which ended with the statement “out of bad marriages come good people”.

Never let a broken relationship break you or your spirit. 

My mother was right (again) – there is someone for everyone.

“The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.” — Robert C Dodds

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I once owned a publication that enjoyed much critical and financial success.

Then, one day without notice a competitor – a good one that should know better – printed a rumor that we were going out of business.

I was beside myself.  Wouldn’t you be?  It was far from true.

But how to deal with badmouthing whether it is public or behind our backs?

I couldn’t – or shouldn’t – take the bait and print a rebuttal.

Could I ignore it?

Readers and advertisers were calling me wanting to know if it was true that the publication was going out of business.

Have you ever felt that way?  All your hard work undermined by a person who badmouths you?

I turned to my friend Malcolm Rosenberg who had helped me through a number of difficult situations previously and I’d like to share his advice with you in case you or someone you know or love has been adversely affected by badmouthing.

Keep doing what you’re doing.

Pay absolutely no attention to the backbiting comments or criticisms.

The best answer is to prove them wrong by doing not by talking or making excuses.

In time, the rumor issue died out as my publication continued to improve and ironically, the publication that did the accusing – even though they apologized in print – eventually went out of business.

Do – don’t stew when you become the victim of hurtful and unfair badmouthing.

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I can’t speak in public.

I don’t do technology.

I’m a good follower not a leader.

Any sentiment that contains “can’t”, “don’t” and “not” in it is like shooting yourself in the foot before you even try.

I used to teach business executives, students and stay at home parents to speak in public.  They never think they can do it, but I’ve never seen a doubter who didn’t become a believer once they adopted two positive thoughts.

Be yourself.

Earn the right to speak about the topic.

There are enough people in the world who put us down, don’t help them.

No one said it better than Napoleon Hill.

“Whatever your mind can conceive and believe the mind can achieve regardless of how many times you may have failed in the past.”

Previous failures are irrelevant.

Believing in yourself starts with making a decision that you are worth it.

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