When you succeed and it still doesn’t feel like a victory.

When you endure even though others would have given up.

When you believe in others and not yourself.

Where a life well lived feels like it just still isn’t enough.

When we look for affirmations from our parents even when we’re now an adult.

Believing we’re good enough is not a feeling.

It’s a conviction.

A decision.

Make the decision today that you will no longer harbor any thoughts that you’re not good enough.  It’s fine to want to be better but we are wasting our lives looking for that which we have already achieved.

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Phoenix Coyotes fighter John Scott was voted by the power of social media to this years NHL all-star game.

The league thought they would let the fans decide who deserved to play but Scott who hardly ever scores and was traded recently then shipped to the minors polled big time.

There was so much pressure on the NHL to include him that they found a way to get Scott back to the majors just for the game. Meanwhile Scott has played the good solider and said all the right things.

Some observations:

• If you’re not ready to have social media influence your decisions, don’t use it.
• Obviously Scott (a fan favorite in Phoenix) is not fast enough or good enough to play with the other all-stars but today average fans think differently about what a star is.
• People like authenticity. Scott is old school. Sticks up for his players and as mean as he is on the ice, he’s that nice off.
• The most talent does not mean as much to the changing fan base as it does to sports leagues.

For the rest of us, the takeaway may be that heart matters as much if not more than talent.

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The Buffalo Bills named Kathryn Smith as the full-time NFL female assistant coach yesterday.

This is a big, meaningful victory for men as well as women and for all of us who are parents and want to see equality across the board in sports.

This is also a big victory for the federal program known as Title IX, which prohibits discrimination based on sex in any federally funded education program or activity.

Young men have grown up watching their sisters succeed on their own in sports and the world and NFL is ready for bending the gender barrier further.

A victory for young children who now have another female role model to look up to.

When feminism was at its height, my sister said to me something I obviously never forgot:  Equal rights are the best thing to ever happen to men.  It frees men to be part of the solution.

So if you have a mother, a wife, a sister or child, root for Kathryn Smith and all the many other women who will make sports more diverse and therefore better.

And the NFL – no dummies – is on the sidelines encouraging this metamorphosis because 45% of their fan base is women.

Now they have something real to cheer about.

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This is just as important as compassion to others because we are fallible human beings – we make mistakes, we are not perfect.

But so do others.

They make mistakes that make them less than perfect.

The best way I have ever heard of showing compassion to yourself is from Amit Sood, MD who says “Look at yourself with the eyes of the person who loves you the most.”

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When things are going great, it doesn’t take much to feel good about yourself.

But when faced with adversity, it is human to see gradual erosion in self-confidence.

You know, we still feel fine and can handle our jobs and lives but we just don’t feel like we have an abundance of confidence.

• Look out for self-damaging statements like “I screwed up (blank)” or “I didn’t (blank)”.
• When words like “didn’t”, “couldn’t” and their relatives “don’t” and “can’t” start coming out of our mouths, take notice and stop them in mid sentence.
• My theory is – why should we contribute to knocking ourselves down.  Life is tough enough without us heaping on more insults in our own direction.
• Reject negative comments or projections aimed at you by others.  Untended, these comments can contribute to a critical loss of self-esteem.
• Build confidence around a feeling of well-being not based on the premise that everything we do must succeed.  Example:  “I will out work anyone”.  “No one cares more than I do”.  “In a tough situation, I want me to handle things”.  When we build self-esteem through truisms about our motivation and conviction to succeed and not on how things are going lately, we can maintain the highest level of self-confidence at all times.

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The founding member and guitarist for the Eagles died a month after he and the group was to be honored at Kennedy Center.

The event was postponed because of Frey’s deteriorating health from multiple conditions.

And now Frey’s death immediately follows the music industry losses of the icon pioneer David Bowie and pop singer Natalie Cole.

The death of a musician is like losing family because music is the soundtrack of our lives.  We know exactly where we were when we first heard a song that resonated with us and can relive any live performances we attended even until this day.

As baby boomers age and they inevitably experience the loss of other seminal artists it is a good time to recognize what we can do when we experience loss.

Live and appreciate life in the present because when we lose those that we love, we will always have happy memories to live on for the rest of our lives.

That’s true of the people dear to us whom we miss and mourn and those that we did not know personally but who made our lives happier because they were in them.

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Celine Dion’s husband, Rene Angelil died yesterday at the age of 73.

He struggled with throat cancer for years and in a very public interview, Celine Dion told of how she was feeding her husband with a tube and helping him overcome the fear of dying.

But it is her message of life that lives on.

“It’s important to open your eyes in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror and ask two questions: ‘Are you dead, or do you have a ticket to ride’ … There are just two tickets. If you’re alive, have a good day. Because today is the most important day of your life.”

Dr. Amit Sood, the Mayo Clinic physician, teacher and author, believes there is something positive about contemplating the finite nature of years one has left.

Better to make the years ahead filled with more meaning and fewer regrets.

We best remember those we have loved and lost by making their best qualities part of our being and we live life to the fullest when we realize that if you’re alive, have a good day.

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Maybe by this morning we will all know who the lucky person or people are who are going to share in this monster Powerball lottery jackpot.

But don’t call them winners.

Here are 8 winners whose luck ran out after they won (article).

In fact, so many lottery “winners” end up homeless, without friends, without a purpose and distanced from those who drank from the fountain of wealth.

In other words, the dream often becomes the nightmare.

Unfathomable wealth turns out to be the kiss of death and yet all of us try to buy a few tickets and get lucky.  We say, it would pay for our kids’ education, pay off the house, get us out of debt and maybe allow for a vacation.

Some people (not all) actually quit their jobs, lose their identity and become official spenders of their fortune.

Ask Warren Buffett what he thinks of his wealth as he lives in a modest home and where he has bequeathed only a very small portion of his vast wealth to his children who must spend the majority of it on charitable works.

Bill Gates is giving away his money and now the Zuckerberg’s are pledging to give their billions away.

Money is a wonderful thing, no doubt.

The old saying, “… the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil” starts with the keys words “the love of money”.

What a good time for the rest of us lottery losers to be grateful that we get to keep our jobs, our debt, our problems and our futures because as my mother used to say “if it’s too good to be true, then it probably is”.

Pay forward and give to others as best you can and we’re not just talking about money here.

The gift of your time is worth more than money can buy and feels really good to the giver and receiver.

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Before Paul Ryan agreed to become Speaker of the House, he insisted that he be allowed to keep his family time and limit the extensive traveling the job usually entails.

President Obama told TODAY show host Matt Lauer in a pre-State of the Union message yesterday morning that being president has made him a better father.

He and Michelle attend parent-teacher conferences together.  He helps coach Sasha’s basketball team and attended Sasha’s dance recitals.

In fact, being President was the first time that the family was able to gather together for dinner every night in their upstairs quarters at the White House.

Men and women are increasingly speaking out about balancing the roles of professionals as they pertain to their children.

I know a family counselor who says if there is only one change you can make at this point to be a better dad or mom, commit to having dinner together every night.

And no cell phones.

That includes you, mom and dad.

It’s not the amount of time you spend together, it’s the amount of time you are present together.

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Ground Control to Major Tom:  why is being different truly appreciated AFTER a life of being different?

David Bowie looked different, sounded different.  His thought process was, well – different.  He was skilled at the process of reinvention.

When someone dies we often hear the consoling thought that they are in a “better place” but actually being different puts those around such a person in a better place.

Steve Jobs was famous for saying be different:

“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do”.

The best way to remember someone you’re fond of who is now gone is to take one of their best qualities and make it yours.

Be different.

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