Confidence is among the most fragile things we possess.

When things are going great, confidence comes easy.

When things are going poorly, it is almost impossible to muster.

Confidence is manufactured in the brain even before we need it.

The more we think positively about our abilities, the more our actual pathways in the brain physically change.

Confidence is perishable so use it daily or lose it when you need it most.

Confidence comes from how many times we actually believe in ourselves.

Confidence does not get bigger as challenges get bigger, even small things build big confidence.

When things get rough, waiting for them to get better is not as quick or effective as reviewing in your mind the specific ways you’ve believed in yourself.

If someone sees you’re lacking and tries to diminish your confidence further, cut off that communication immediately and return to seeing yourself in a positive way.

Confidence can even grow when things go sour if we see adversity as a step toward our next success.

Confidence is best controlled by us and not outsourced to others.

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Sometimes it takes no more than a well-written song to help me start my day such as “Take It Easy” performed by The Eagles and written by Jackson Browne and Glenn Frey.

“Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy”

“Lighten up while you still can

Don’t even try to understand

Just find a place to make your stand, and take it easy”

“We may lose and we may win, though we will never be here again”

Sometimes our intensity makes us stressed.

Lighten up and let go of the things that are dragging us down.

No matter how good or bad our day, we can never hit restart so make the best of it.

Once a dj, always a dj I guess.  No wonder music makes us happy.

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Don’t you just love it when people tell you that they are stressed out and therefore they can’t do this or that?

A big cause of stress is others who constantly say they are stressed.

Welcome to everyone’s world, but when those close to us or those who spend a lot of time with us, say, at work keep playing the stress card, it causes stress for us as well.

There is a certain sense of responsibility some people feel when they are told that the person they are dealing with is stressed out.

Does it mean, back off of the topic or demand?

Is it code for I can’t deal with what you’re saying or asking of me?

Stress is a part of modern life that didn’t exist in exactly the same form decades ago for our parents and grandparents.  Life was slower then but still, there were worries and pressures.

There are two important keys to reducing stress.

One, ease up when you start to feel stressed.

Two, refuse to let other people hand off their stressed feelings to you by playing the “I’m stressed” card.

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I’ll bet you think that a put down artist is some arrogant bloviator who rains on your parade as soon as it gets underway.  That, too.

Actually, we all have the potential of being put down artists inadvertently.

When our child comes home from school and says “I got three A’s and one B” and we ask, “What did you get a B in?”  Of course, we should say, “Tell me about your grades” in a less judgmental way.  It’s not like they’re flunking out of school.

But real put down artists can be brutal.

When I was appointed professor of music industry at the University of Southern California, one of my “good friends” took my breath away when he said, “How did YOU get to be a professor?” as if to say being an ex-dj disqualifies me when ironically it was actually the reverse.

I joked, that USC ran out of candidates and chose me but I knew the real reason I was brought in to write and teach courses on music, broadcasting and the mobile future.

Or how about this one:  I’ve been married three times so I can’t tell you the number of times I have heard “which one” when I refer to an ex.  Really?  Which one?  Like you care.

Humor is always a good way to introduce a person to their insensitivity.

It’s bad enough that adults struggle with put down artists but it is monumental when children and teens are confronted with it.

I’m in the advanced group, you’re not (like it matters in the end).

You’re fat (what does my weight have to do with you).

No one likes you (did you hold an election?).

Insert your own indignities here because I’m sure you know what I am talking about.

The most effective way to put down a put down artist is to cut off their oxygen by not responding to their hurtful comments with the full knowledge that there is only one you and you’re pretty darn awesome.

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Now that Brad and Angelina are splitting, what are we to do?

More than ever we live in a world created by entertainment and media.  The stars make up to break up and it is really easy for those living more normal lives to wonder where they fit in.

Take “I love you”.

The word “love” is bandied about more than ever but sometimes we feel self-conscious about saying it.

There are other ways to say “I love you”.

Deeds.

Sacrifices.

Giving up having it your way to let him or her have it their way.

Practicing the art of thoughtfulness – leaving a note in the glove box that says, don’t worry about the car, all that matters is that you’re safe should there ever be an accident.

Building another person’s confidence – love is helping someone else grow and be free to flap their wings.

So, if you want to try something different today, buy a card or send an e-card that is blank so you can choose one of the ways (above) to provide your own personal evidence to the word “love”.

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Okay, so you’re sitting face-to-face with someone who puts their phone up to their face and begins to multitask.

You are right in the middle of saying something to them and feel that you don’t have 100% of their attention – which you don’t.

Handle multitasking like this right in your face by simply stopping what you are saying.

Not another word is uttered until you have their attention.

I usually here something like “I’m listening” or “I can do more than one thing at a time”.

But if that’s not a tradeoff you are willing to make, simply remain silent until or unless the other person gives you the attention you deserve.

People who allow their narrative to be hijacked by someone else’s multitasking will never be effect communicators.

If they want to hear you, they must finish the task or stop it in midstream and be 100% present or else you’re wasting your breath.

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Did you ever notice that a person who has real confidence is rarely the one who tries to rob you of yours?

It’s usually the person who is not so comfortable in their own shoes who has the need to say and do things that erode the positive way you would like to feel about yourself.

And that point is the best defense against confidence thieves.

Here are a few others:

• Confidence thieves are usually passive aggressive meaning they look harmless but find ways to expose your perceived weak side.
• Make it your policy that no one gets to criticize you except you.  This doesn’t mean you’re perfect or immune from criticism, it means you will run an ID check on the person exposing weaknesses. Who are they? Why would they say that?
• Vet them first before considering anything they have to say.  Don’t let them into your head unless you open the door.
• Be on the lookout for things that don’t feel right.  Pointing out that “You don’t have much experience doing presentations, do you?” Or “This is a bad time to be looking for work” playing on everyone’s natural concern with being unemployed. “That looks good on people built like you” (who are people built like me?).

Confidence thieves are jealous.

They are often subtle using questions to make their point.

And can be family members, mates, good friends or associates.

The best way to rob a confidence thief is to always assume you are capable of dealing with life’s challenges. Believe in you at all times.

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The death of promising young Miami Marlin’s pitcher José Fernández is a wake up call that none of us have any guarantee how long we will be on this earth no matter what age.

Fernández died in a boating accident at 24. The exuberant Cuban-born star had his whole life ahead of him.

His girlfriend was pregnant with their child and ironically Fernández died in the Atlantic Ocean, the same body of water where he saved his mother from drowning while they along with his sister escaped Cuba.

Older people are usually more aware of the ticking clock than young people.

But even age doesn’t give anyone a free pass.

Life is to be lived in the moment 100% present.

It’s not necessary to think about death but how we can take better advantage of the life we now have.   Just ask a cancer survivor. They master the art of living as an unexpected benefit of their disease.

Jimmy Carter is in his nineties and is fighting cancer to gain as much time as he can because he has more things he wants to do.

The past is a file that we visit but always return to the present.

The future is where we look to plan and yet we must come back to the present where all life lives.

The sad ending for Jose Fernandez reminds us that the only thing any of us have for sure is the time we have right now – this instant. That’s where our happiness lives.

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The NHL hockey player Bobby Ryan lost his mother this past July.

The pain of his loss was only soothed by the level of his appreciation for everything she did for him.

In a post funeral letter, Ryan wrote “I lost you just a few days ago, and I already miss you a lot.  Even though I had a chance to say goodbye, there are still a few things I’d like to tell you”.

Among the many appreciations was how his mom sacrificed to make it possible for him to play hockey, her fight against an abusive husband and the warmth of their relationship together.

There is hardly a week that goes by that I don’t think of my mother and father and how I want to tell them thanks again and again.

Thanks, dad, for being the most honest person I ever knew.  A straight arrow who set a high bar for me.

And thanks mom, for giving me the spunk in my personality and the belief that I could do virtually anything.

When a loved one is gone, it is still not too late to write the letters or visit the grave site for a one-on-one conversation.

I want it to be as if my loved ones will never be gone from my life even if they are not present in the flesh today.

If you have the time, here is Bobby Ryan’s letter to mom that will touch your heart and inspire you to write your own letter.

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Not by controlling them.

That never works.

The hardest thing is to let go of all the issues that are making us unhappy.  Humans don’t want to give up control without a fight.  We would rather get our way or try to convince another person that it is in their best interests to change.

Except it never works.

A sure way to be unhappy is to try and change someone.

So the secret is to learn to cultivate an outlook that lets you throw off the things that you feel as if you would like to control.

Your partner is not listening to you and you feel ignored.  Try as you may, you will probably never change this.  All you will do is make yourself unhappy.  Spend money on therapy.  The answer:  change the way you look at this and see if you can find another way he or she exhibits another way for you to be recognized and validated.

Your boss always has to be right.  Good luck taking on this project because your boss is likely to go right on assuming they are right and everyone else is wrong which will make you very unhappy.  Your time and focus would be better spent not looking to your boss for this type of approval.  Give it to yourself for a job well done.

The best way to gain control is to give up control.

The alternative is to be forever unhappy.

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