Google is one of the most desirable places for young people to work.

They have almost every benefit from free food, dry cleaning, child care and health care but they have one thing money can’t buy.

A day to work on anything you want.

One day a week, Google employees can choose to work on any project they like without having it pre-approved by management.

It’s difficult to see how most companies can match this offer but for those of us who are self-employed and seemingly have more control over how our time is used, what’s our excuse?

I’m not here to reinvent the workplace but I am interested in fostering our creativity and enhancing our lives.

Do you have a day when you can follow your individual pursuits?  Okay, how about half a day or an hour.

When I was on-the-air I remember a stretch where I worked a shift virtually every day for months – seven days a week.  Some days, two shifts.  Until finally I had to threaten to quit to get a much needed day off.

Now, to the extent possible, try to consciously do something different at least one day a week or if that’s not possible for a good chunk of time.

Even a Saturday or Sunday.

Google is still one of the most productive companies in the world.  Their workforce is envied.

Maybe they know something that we should integrate into our lives about productivity and creativity.

A day when you go exploring can payoff in countless ways.

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted.

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Get the facts.

Analyze the facts.

Come up with an action plan.

Too many of the decisions we regret are made because we are thinking with our hearts and not with our heads.

We’re being overly emotional.

Or we’re basing decisions on assumptions that are incorrect.

The best decisions come when we get the facts first and then spend some time analyzing them.

The action step that follows will have a better chance of being fruitful than agonizing over problems that are misperceived.

As a Dale Carnegie instructor I suggested that if you wanted to change the way you make decisions and could only do one thing, this would be that one thing.

Get the problem right by stating it out loud.

It you think about it, we wind up solving the wrong problems, dealing with the wrong issues because we don’t take the time to define the problem properly.

Before this day ends, you will likely have the opportunity to make a significant decision about something personal, career or dealing with other people.

Try this – think about the real problem and then say it out loud.

If you can do that you are well on your way to making better decisions.

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When we eat in a restaurant, we trust the chef to cook a tasty and healthy meal for us.

When we fly, we trust the pilot to get us safely to our destination.

And when we have surgery, we trust the physician to do no harm and deliver a favorable outcome.

Yet we have a hard time trusting others – people we work with, family members, partners.

And yet we know that the best way to gain control is to give up control.

So what’s the hang up?

Cultivating an attitude of adventure that makes something inside of us say, I do not feel like influencing a decision right now.

I have a friend who, when he tries a new restaurant asks the server “What is the best thing on the menu?”

One they tell him, he hands the menu back and says, “I’ll have that”.

He is rarely disappointed even if he might have preferred another meal.

The reason most people are obsessive about control is because we do not cultivate the spirit of adventure that helps us enjoy being surprised.

And those around us enjoy being trusted.

Save control for the big issues that matter most where you want to get the facts and analyze the facts.

For everything else, cultivate a sense of consciously giving up having it your way and watch how happy you are and how surprised and pleased those around you are when they are trusted.

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Ed Snider, the owner of the Philadelphia Flyers National Hockey League team and wealthy entrepreneur, was always called “Mr. Snider” – not Ed.

He always asked people to call him Ed, but they never did.

Because they had too much respect for him.

How many people do you know who are referred to as “Mister” these days?

Snider was a tough negotiator, hard-nose businessman and after all, the founder of the “Broad Street Bullies”.

But underneath it all, Mr. Snider (as even the fans often called him), was a good guy who treated his players like family.

Bob Clarke, the captain of The Flyers two Stanley Cup teams and a man who Snider often said was like a son to him, joked that Mr. Snider treated him better than his own children because he never had to discipline him.

Snider gave Clarke a lifetime contract with the Flyers for as long as he wanted it – and he kept his word even when Clarke left the team and returned.

He would help former players who were in financial trouble with generosity that is uncommon among owners of sports franchises.

He gave them jobs with the organization.  Helped their families.  Was there in time of illness and tragedy.

Recently Ed Snider died after a long battle with cancer.

He may not be remembered years from today for building a sports dynasty but he will almost certainly not be forgotten by the people who worked for him that he treated like family.

To earn more respect from others, you don’t have to demand it.

Just treat them like one of your own.

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I attended a seminar in Phoenix a few years back by Dr. Amit Sood, a Mayo Clinic physician and author of the book Stress-Free Living. 

He jolted everyone when as one of his helpful suggestions he said “don’t postpone joy”.

I sat there guilty as charged.

Perhaps you’re like me.  And it’s not that I’m not grateful for the good things (and sometimes even bad) that happen.

It’s that I tend not to take anytime celebrating the good things that happen – even the little things.

I just move on to whatever challenge is next.

So here’s the fix.

When you do something good – or great or even when you step up and confront a problem.  Celebrate it.

Here’s a few ways:

• Tell someone about it.

• Take time to congratulate and reward yourself.

• Credit others who may have helped you achieve joy.  If you go for a walk with your child without cellphones and talk and find yourselves laughing and having a good time, thank that person for the laughs you had together.

• Look for opportunities to become aware of the joyful things that happen in your life.

Too frequently we humans are better at agonizing over perceived problems, which makes us postpone joy.

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Marilyn Sorensen, PhD and author of Breaking the Chain of Low Self-Esteem helps us differentiate between guilt and shame.

“Unlike guilt which is the feeling of doing something wrong, shame is the feeling of being something wrong”.

Father Martin Padovani Healing Wounded Emotions says:

“There is healthy shame that we all need – that we are worthwhile persons with boundaries and limitations.  The ‘shamed” and the ‘shameless” are unfortunately present in epidemic proportions in society.”

Shame kills self-esteem.

Love kills shame.

Shame is the killer of our spirit and makes us a slave to comments from others that eventually can control our self-esteem.

The most effective ways to deal with shame:

• Accept your faults only as long as you can name an equal number of good virtues giving thanks for the good things to balance the ledger.

• Avoid being co-dependent to another person (i.e., don’t rely on them to validate you).

• No one must ever get your permission to act in an abusive way.

• Self-love is the antidote for shame.  The more you cultivate and appreciate the fine person you are – faults and all – the less likely you will become a victim of living with the debilitating residue of shame.

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Not “me”.

Not “I”.

It’s “you”.

When we talk in terms of another’s interests, they are drawn to us especially in a self-absorbed world.

The best way to cure yourself of self-absorption is to ban the use of the words “I” and “me” from your vocabulary for a week or so and see if you like the response.

But say “you” a lot because the one sure way to make people feel kindly towards you is when your focus is on them, not yourself.

Ask them about themselves.

Don’t feel obliged to weigh in on everything with a me, to a follow up comment.

I realize that we live in an age of self-absorption but it makes the person who can focus on “you” even more impressive.

Rest “me” and “I”.

Try “you”

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I don’t know how to put this delicately, but The Huffington Post the other day featured a story about the increase in people having sex with their phones in their hands.

Wait one minute.

According to the article (which you’ll notice I read, by the way), the sound of a text message is often more alluring than – well, you get the point.

We are entering an age when our cellphones and digital screens are killing relationships.

Social media is fun but not a substitute for living in real time with other people.

Here is some of the best cellphone advice I have gathered that is becoming more relevant every day.

• Never at dinner – phones should be out of sight where they cannot be heard.

• I’m hearing doctors say that for a better night’s sleep don’t look at a screen within at least an hour before bedtime.

• You’re not going to listen to this one but it is becoming popular advice: don’t put your phone on the table next to your bed.

• Go for walks with phones off – powered down.

• Look for reasons to call, not text. We text too much. Texting is good for some things but not a replacement for the warmth of a human voice.

• My favorite and most difficult: consciously try to find a way to use your phone less.

I’m not giving up my phone. I like it. Okay, I love it. But I am not about to let my phone become my life.

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My best friend was an insurance salesman and a good man.

He actually delivered the death benefit checks to the widow or widower and attended the funerals.

So when he first said it, I was surprised.

Aspire, don’t retire.

Here’s the gist of his thinking.

Each day, the harder you work, the more you earn the right to aspire to anything you want at some point.

You may work 55 hours a week and love your work, so you can choose to work 25 hours a week if you like at some point.

Or aspire to something you have always wanted to do.

My friend Dan Mason left his executive post at CBS Radio to try his hand at something he always wanted to do – play-by-play basketball.  His first broadcasts of women’s basketball games were exciting because he prepared for the task as if he were 21.

This is not about age.

College students understandably talk about making money when they graduate (to help pay their student loans among other things) but many wish for a time when they don’t have to work.  This is before they even start their careers.

No matter the age – always aspire.

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We read books, go to counselors, watch Dr. Phil – and it’s still difficult for us to change our ways.

Why is this?

I believe that people – all of us – can be expert at learning about ourselves but what took place very early in our lives in our families of origin set the path for the rest of our lives.

Child psychologists agree.  Our basic personality is set in the pre-school years.

Unless we come from perfect families – and I have yet to meet that person, everyone is dysfunctional in some way or another.  Some more than others.

Recently I had an epiphany.

A person I know died but in his last conversation with me shared how hard it was to choose sobriety every day for decades.

And make that tough choice, he did.

He became sober by choosing to be sober every day – sometimes more than once a day – day after day.  That’s change you can count on.

It’s no different for the rest of us.

We can gain great insights from counseling and that can be helpful but actively choosing a course of behavior is what really changes us.

Each choice may be short-lived but just as my friend chose over and over again to be sober, we can choose that which we want independent of whether it comes easy to us.

Choose to be a more loving spouse than perhaps our family members were.

Choose to be more empathetic by consciously saying to yourself – that must be awful, difficult (you provide the right word) for that person.

Choosing not to judge or shame others each time you become aware of it.

Choosing to fix that which we break in our complex relationships.

We don’t change no matter what great insight we have into our behavior.

We make choices that can bring about a more positive outcome.

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