Confidence Builders

There is only one person like me on this planet.

I’ve done it before; I can do it again.

I have no right asking another person to believe in me until I am prepared to believe in myself. 

Even when things don’t work out as planned, I care.

I am proud of my successes (which I have listed one by one in order most recent first on my cellphone that I review every day).

The road to success is paved with examples of failures from which I have learned.

I am the person you want to turn to if you want to succeed. 

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Change

People hate change yet politicians campaign on the promise of change all the time.

Maybe that’s why people hate politicians.

Change is scary.

What every human wants and is willing to support is better.

A better country.

A better product or service.

A better relationship.

We spend so much time trying unsuccessfully to become something that we are not that we might want to try just being a better version of what we are.

A better listener.

A better spouse who is 100% focused on my mate.

A better employee who puts petty politics aside for serving customers.

A better friend who remembers to stay in touch – in person as much as possible.

We can all do better and the difference is noticeable.

But change often requires us to be someone else and that never has a good outcome.

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Ways To Cut Cellphone Use

If this is something you’ve talked about but have given up on because it’s just too impossible, here are two ways that make it possible to cut cellphone usage and return to interacting with others and living 100% in the present.

1)  Download an app called Checky on your mobile device so that it can track how many times a day you checked your phone.   Then, see the average.  Set goals to cut it down.  Let the app be your report card.

2) The app Moment tracks how much you use your phone everyday.  It allows you to set limits.

3)  Check out these apps that prevent you from checking your text messages while driving – AT&T Drive Mode; CellControl.

It’s one thing to complain about living a distracted life, but when it really starts to get to you and you want to make a change, there are tools.

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The Best Time to Consider a Job Change

It’s not so much when your career path requires a change as much as it is something in your personal life says time to move on.

Birthdays.  Especially turning 40 or 50.

When we attend school reunions there are surveys that show job search increases by 16% according to a Harvard Business Review article in September.  It may be that being with others your same age makes you take another look at how far you’ve gone toward career happiness.

Any midlife crisis can prompt a job change review.

But caution:  data shows that 50% of employees who wind up staying in their present jobs and accepting a counter offer are likely to leave anyway within a year.

The best time to consider a job change is when you feel that your best abilities are not being utilized.  When your growth is impeded.  When your dreams are getting away from you.

The best excuse for remaining where you are when these feelings start to emerge is that you need an income, you have a family to support, this is not a good time.

But even the best excuse results in unhappiness that can lead to career turmoil that actually accelerates your fears.

It requires courage to change careers not excuses or counter offers.

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The Right Age to Give a Child a Cellphone

Some parents are handing out cellphones to children as young as four years old.

Children are wired differently than most adults.  They can adapt to digital devices almost as quickly as they get them in their hands.

But should they be getting a cellphone when they are a child?

The average age seems to be ten when the majority of children convince their parents they need a phone.

And parents can overcome any guilt they might have by saying “at least I can know where they are at any time and contact them”.

Baby Boomers laugh at this because they grew up without that connectivity and they would tell you they turned out just fine.

YouTube is the obsession of young people.

They use it the way their parents search Google.  This can be good or it can be bad.

The issue most important considering when buying a cellphone for your child is changing.

Many children are turning inward and becoming so distracted by their phones that they are becoming less able to socialize, an important part in growing up and assimilating with others.

Even putting in place rules that keep children disconnected from actual phone service or real texting can be damaging in this light.

They just stare at their palm and play the games or visit the sites that their parents do allow them to use.

Going forward it is not whether children need a cellphone, it is whether they need to avoid the distractions that are making our modern culture detached, unfeeling and anti-social – until they develop socially — a new and important paradigm, indeed.

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Help In Working Long Hours

The one thing people regret at the end of life is working too much and not interacting more with the people they love.

But the real world requires sacrifices at various stages of our lives.

Mouths to feed. Dreams to change. Goals to be met.

Let’s be honest. No one hands us a check to pay for expenses for the rest of our lives without having to earn it.

So working long hours is part of getting to where we want to be. It’s not something to be ashamed of unless we have no plan to balance that time in a realistic and doable way.

It’s not the numbers of “quality” hours we spend with loved ones and friends, it is the amount of time we are 100% present in their company, focused on them.

Long hours can be eventually rewarded by rewarding yourself and loved ones with more of that quality time described above.

Allow no one including yourself to make you feel guilty for putting in the hours deemed necessary to advance your career. This only makes life worse for everyone.

While it is almost impossible to have it all, we can have it better.

Better time together.

Better ways to spend the non-working hours.

Better listening skills so that those around us do not think that because we are working elsewhere we do not hear them – the number one need of almost everyone.

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Overcoming Hurt Feelings

You still have a few choices to protect yourself in a world that is increasingly insensitive to the feelings of others.

Mudslinging used to be reserved for politicians but now there are many victims including children, teens and adults who are bullied through the magic of social media.

Your choices:

  • Never let another person record directly onto that “computer chip” we call our brain.  No one gets direct access to our psyche except us.
  • Even restrict others from getting into your head with a compliment.  The safest way to accept a heartfelt compliment is to use it as more evidence to back up what you are already telling yourself.  If you’re constantly telling yourself you are a caring loving person then when someone else hands you that compliment, consider it more proof.  But when others get to say things directly to our psyche that we are not already telling ourselves, when they decide to pull it back, we tend to become co-dependent.
  • The number one way to deal with hurt feelings is to take five seconds and remind yourself that it must be awful for the person hurling insults at you to have to live with themselves.   A moment of empathy even if it is not deserved, changes the way you respond and allows you to not make it about you.

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Finding Quality Time

Quality time is not measured in hours or minutes but in the number of times you can look into another person’s eyes or listen to them talk to you.

When we push to find more time with children, spouses, partners and even ourselves, we are making a mistake to judge the time successfully by how much time we spend.

Asking a son or daughter if they’d like to go for a walk with you as you leave your cell phone on the table is a start. 

Asking 5 questions in a row to someone else without feeling obliged to also weigh in on it yourself is telling others that you’re focused on them. 

Being able to accurately repeat back what someone has told you is a learnable skill that most people do not have.  Others are delighted to know they have been heard.

Even silence is quality time between two people when they are connected by a common interest or focus.

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More Confidence Without Talking

Here’s how you can increase your confidence without ever having to say a word.

Stand taller, shoulders back.

That’s right, people who stand tall actually increase their self-confidence and it has been verified through research to be true.

People who do not have sufficient confidence have a more slouching posture or even a cowering stance.

People who seek more confidence actually accomplish it by how they walk into a room, enter a meeting or when meeting people they do not know.

Before I speak to an audience I stand up as straight as I can and stick my chest out.  Often, this physical manifestation of confidence is more effective than all the subliminal messages I might try to send myself.

All of us are capable of adjusting our posture and stance which means that we can find a simple way to be more comfortable with who we are.

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The Compliment No One Can Resist

Before you give another person a compliment, rely on a proven method for making it stick like glue.

First, sincerity trumps giving praise to manipulate someone else.

Second, a compliment is just mere flattery if it is not backed up by evidence.

You exceeded my expectations on this project because (and here comes the evidence) you’ve captured the spirit of what we’ve been trying to do in this company. 

You are so kind — it means so much to me that while I was in the hospital, you texted every day to check in on me.

Everyone likes a compliment that is backed up by evidence that conveys that you really mean it, but for a compliment that absolutely no one can resist, give the compliment to a spouse or a friend or another associate.

Bad news travels fast, but good news travels even faster.

I knew of a radio station where the boss paid bonus checks to his best workers by sending a letter to their spouses along with the check.

Your wife is again a super achiever this month leading everyone in local sales. 

Giving a compliment can be better than receiving it once you realize how people will become drawn to you for your sincerity and appreciation.

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