You can’t expect to outsource self-confidence by looking for it elsewhere.

It starts from within.

Most of us spend a lifetime learning how to doubt ourselves and when we look to others for the confidence we don’t have, it doesn’t work.

Believe in you.

Never look to others for that which you don’t have.

Erase a lifetime of doubt by retraining your brain to believe in you.

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People like to talk about themselves.

As Bette Midler said in the movie Beaches “Let’s talk about you. What do you think of me?”

Not that folks can’t ask “how was your weekend” and then proceed to hijack the conversion.

This works to your advantage.

Let people talk about themselves.

Encourage it.

Keep asking questions.

Nothing is more addictive than actually encouraging others to go on and on about themselves.

For your personal needs, find a friend who can do the same thing for you.

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It’s one thing to have someone else reject you and another for you to let them.

Your life is not an election.

Others – some of whom may harbor jealousies or other evil thoughts – succeed when we allow ourselves to feel rejected by actions or words – at work, in relationships, everywhere.

Get to know the trigger words – the ones that evoke the shame of rejection to be ready to advocate for yourself.

Don’t allow rejection by others to define who you are or how you feel – you are better than that.

Don’t give others the power to shame.

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The iconic NFL football coach who the Super Bowl Trophy is named after – Vince Lombardi liked to point out what players did right, not wrong.

There is no such thing as constructive criticism – no one likes criticism, Lombardi had a better way.

Most coaches showed players the things they had done wrong in game films – and even today most still do.

Vince Lombardi only showed them what they had done RIGHT.

He knew that they would focus on replicating the right moves rather than trying to avoid the wrong ones.

The more we emphasize what’s wrong, the harder it is to get to what’s right. 

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Sometimes people misread shy folks as easy to dominate.

What’s needed is a set of guardrails.

As long as your core beliefs and values are not attacked or compromised, nice is a good thing.

But when someone crosses the line, it’s time to defend.

Shut down the conversation, walk away from the person, stand up for you.

Even if it’s family.

If we don’t defend our boundaries, we stand for nothing.

Shy and quiet is a personality trait, not an invitation to abuse the privilege of friendship.

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Late Night television star Stephen Colbert lost his father, a doctor and two brothers in a plane crash when he was 10 years old while they were flying to a prep school in New England.

Colbert offers that this profound sadness may actually be his explanation for becoming a comedian.

It was Colbert’s mother who he credits for helping him not become bitter.

“She taught me to be grateful for my life regardless of what that entailed, and that’s directly related to the image of Christ on the cross and the example of sacrifice that he gave us.  What she taught me is that the deliverance God offers you from pain is not no pain – it’s that the pain is actually a gift.  What’s the option?  God doesn’t really give you another choice”.

There is value in suffering and sometimes it takes a great comedian to point it out.  Out of bad comes good.

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How much stress is this worth to me?

Just asking this question when fear, worry, stress and anxiety begin to creep in helps individuals become instantly aware that they will be paying a price with their physical and psychological health if they don’t put an immediate limit on anxiety.

Pressure and stress go unchecked because they are exponential.

Asking the question puts a stop/loss on worry.

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Early in this football season, the Philadelphia Eagles had no trouble winning 10 games and losing only one – then something got into their heads, a talented team began to believe those awful thoughts we’ve all had when we lose confidence.

• That’s why people as well as sports teams have slumps – they try harder but get fewer results.
• A hockey player on the schneid grips their stick even harder to break a scoring drought and that makes things worse (often it is an ugly goal that gets them off the schneid).
• Humans cannot control everything but we always have control of the most important thing – how we think.

In tough times, double down on building up your confidence and do it like this – it’s not a matter of if, it’s when things go your way again.

There is a loneliness epidemic sweeping the country, a Meta-Gallup poll says one in four of us feel lonely.

• Young adults are the loneliest (27% 19-29).
• The lowest loneliness is 17% of 65+.
• The majority feel no loneliness or just a bit so being mindful is helpful but also part of the secret.

To boost your own feeling of belonging, reach out to others by phone, text, email, social media and in-person because the one who initiates contact gets the greatest benefit.

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Drive-thru traffic is on the increase, fast food restaurants are redesigning their buildings to have smaller dining rooms and mostly people are happy to have as little contact as possible when ordering and eating.

• There is a greater hunger – for human contact – that is being neglected partially because of the effects of the covid pandemic and due to our growing reliance on digital devices and social media to replace in-person contact.
• Mother Teresa, now posthumously a saint in her church, worked among the poor of India and she insisted that there is even a great hunger for love than there is for food.

If you agree, we can all share our humanity just the way we are with the people we meet today – a good way to feed those starved for human connection.

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