Overcoming Smartphone Addiction

The cool new iPhones are not going to make it any easier to win the battle on smartphone addiction.

It’s mind vs. making up your mind.

There are things that work.

Move all social media apps, the ones that lure us into the attention black hole, into a folder on the third screen. 

Ban notifications to gain more control. 

Respond to emails when you want to not when you receive them. Most people will never know and not complain.

Avoid the multitasking that is made easier on each new iteration of mobile software.  

150 times a day on average we check our phones.

On the 10-year anniversary of the iPhone that started our mobile connection, balance supersedes immediacy.

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Fixing Broken Relationships

Lots of money is spent in search of changing ourselves.

Books, lectures, professional counseling …

Changing yourself for someone else is a losing game.

A better approach is empowering yourself to be exactly the person you want to be.

Chasing after people who would have you change the person you are is a waste of time, energy and self-respect.

Make improvements as needed.

Everything good that happens to us happens when we remain in touch with who we want to be and not endlessly trying to please others.

Ironically, we fix ourselves by being more of ourselves.

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Revenge

When we get pushed, it’s a natural reaction to push back.

Revenge is overrated.

But the more we get back at someone no matter how much it may be deserved, the more like them we become.

The best revenge is to go on with life.

Years ago, a radio trade publication printed a rumor that the one I owned was going to go out of business. I was beside myself answering calls from subscribers, advertisers and onlookers denying the false report.

A friend of mine, Malcolm Rosenberg, counseled me to keep publishing and never miss a deadline. Soon everyone would know that their reports were not credible.

Going on instead of getting back at them made all the difference.

They were the ones who eventually went out of business and we survived.

Resist revenge.

Replace it with a renewed will to go on as if the words had never been said.

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Dreams

Jake Olson has been blind since he was 12.

He always dreamed of playing football for USC.

And in early September, his dream came true.

A teammate helped guide him on the field to snap the ball for the extra point.  The official tapped him when the clock started.

Olson had cancer in his eyes and on the night before he underwent surgery that would make him blind forever, he watched a USC practice.

The team adopted him as a type of mascot but without his deep desire to “see” his dream come true and the help of those around him, the magic moment would have never arrived.

Never stop dreaming – ever.

Never believe that anything is impossible.

More damaging than even the loss of eyesight is the loss of the will to go on and achieve.

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No is an Option

We feel out of control when we agree to do something that our intuition tells us we don’t want to do.

Peer pressure.

The helplessness of being forced to carry out duties our employer requires without our input.

Bullies invading our space.

Those close to us who give and take away approval to gain control.

Our minds and bodies know when we are straying from the person we want to be.

The feeling of helplessness results.

Resentment and a feeling of being powerless.

We know deep inside that we could not make ourselves this conflicted without the help of others.

When we know we’re off track, no is an option.

Start looking for new employment.

Separate from people who bully or control.

Break co-dependencies by being your own best advocate.

No is the answer to anyone who somehow makes us feel not good about ourselves.

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Fate

The Philadelphia Eagles traded 37-year old Joe Dorenbos to the New Orleans Saints a week before his physical discovered a life-threatening genetic aneurysm.

If a younger player had not won his Eagles job this summer’s training camp …

If he had not been traded (he never played for another team and was very popular in Philly …

If his trade didn’t require an extensive physical enough to discover his large aortic aneurysm that was missed in previous years …

That’s fate.

Life is not just about being at the wrong place at the wrong time or being at the right place at the right time.

Along with faith, luck and perseverance life is a complex balance of that which we can control and that which we cannot control.

Often it is life changing in a positive way.

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Finding Your Calling in Life

I brought my car to Costco to have them put nitrogen in the tires.

A young man named Vinny did the work very well and in conversing with him he said how much he liked working for Costco (great to hear).

That he was just transferred into automotive and likes to work in the shop.

But upon further investigation, Vinny also was considering nursing school.

Nursing or autos, I thought.  How opposite.

And there it was – the dilemma many of us struggle with when we are searching for our calling in life.

Often it’s about money.

Or we pick a business that fascinates us.

But in the end when I pressed Vinny as to which one it is likely to be for him, he said “I don’t really know – something where I can help people”.

When searching for what we are meant to do, it is often necessary to look beyond careers and search for the part of us that is itching to be discovered.

It’s a feeling from within not a job search.

The career we will decide upon will be our calling if we first satisfy our inner need to be fulfilled as a person.

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Beating Yourself Up

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Why do we allow others direct access to our psyche to say unedited things that could be hurtful?

Then why do we repeat them over and over as if they were true?

And why do we invite others to continue berating us when it is so easy to say – STOP.

People become co-dependent to others when they allow them to say hurtful things as if they are to be accepted as the truth.

Most people beat themselves up because they have a lack of self-confidence or self-respect that acts as a protective barrier.

Never let anyone have direct access to your mind – even with good things because should they someday take them away, you remain damaged.

Beating yourself up can be replaced by talking yourself up by taking control.

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Rejection

If you’re human, you will experience rejection.

The question is how can you absorb the sting of being rejected?

  1. Don’t take rejection personally. That power remains with you.  If you refuse to make the feeling of being rebuffed about you as a person, it is easier to prevent damage to your ego.
  2. Remind yourself that even the most successful and respected people have been rejected –  some of them publicly.  Steve Jobs had Apple Computer stolen away from him by the man he hired to run it.  Jobs returned and until his death the rest is history.
  3. Being rejected and overcoming it makes you a better person to manage others because you are sensitive to it.
  4. Have the attitude of a baseball player who just struck out– I’ll do better next time.

Rejection is not permanent unless you choose to make it so.

It’s just a bump in the road that eventually makes you a better person for dealing with it and overcoming it.

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The iPhone Diet

If we eat all we want to, our weight gets out of control.

Drink too much?  We pay for it with our health.

Spend too much time being distracted by our phones and miss out on life.

  1. Try to avoid responding (it just keeps the black hole of distraction growing). 
  1. Never react (social media and texting makes the phone a dangerous impulse device).

  2. Don’t participate in email that angers you.  You have the power to simply end it. 
  1. Spend at least one hour every day (including workdays) away from your phone.

  2. Social media is the biggest black hole of all digital distractions luring us deeper into the lives of others.  Resist.

Phones are great tools but they are so addicting that we hold them in our hand and check them constantly looking for another jolt of adrenaline.

When your phone is in your hand even when you’re not using it, refer back to #1 above.

When your phone is out while driving, put it away.

Allstate has a simulator that it takes around to schools so that students can try to avoid accidents while driving and texting.  No one has ever succeeded.

Put the phone in its proper place and live life.

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