It’s odd that we can be lonely in the midst of many people or in a relationship gone wrong.

It’s more ironic that one of the best ways to deal with loneliness is to first become your own best friend.  We spend too little time tending to the business of nurturing ourselves in more meaningful ways.

Lonely people cannot find a pill to cure it, but by offering their humanity to others and asking nothing in return, the pain is incrementally less.  To crave friendship from others makes us needier and lonelier.

Happiness comes from giving your presence and not craving that of another.

Just as psychiatrists have found that focusing on gratitude relieves depression so it is that directing your friendship to others without craving it in return makes you happier.

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Anxiety is reported to be the number one problem among women and men between the ages of 19 and 35.

It’s serious stuff.

Repeat after me:

I’m worried, uneasy and nervous which makes me human 

10 deep breaths make me feel better 

My magic mantra is: “I’ve dealt with this before and I will do it again” 

Solving anxiety is not as important as owning it

99% of my fears will never come true so I am going to put them in their place 

Every fear gives me a chance to gain a new confidence – I’m not afraid 

Repeat: “Do the thing you fear to do and the fear will go away from you” 

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Dress in a way that expresses your personality.

Wear humility like it is your favorite outfit.

Your quirks are someone else’s fascination. 

Being vulnerable is not a negative.  It makes you human and attractive. 

Different is the new popular. 

Confidence is best achieved by first giving a helping hand or a sympathetic ear to another. 

Your best comes out when it’s all about them and not you.

Print out and memorize.

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Why don’t we take pleasure in putting people together?

Usually the person who keeps his or her friends to themselves is jealous and self-centered.  My friends, not yours.

The best parties are thrown by people who mix and match their acquaintances with each other.

Being left out of a meeting is a common insult at workplaces but inviting others who are not specialists in the area of discussion can be a stroke of genius.  It also promotes good will and camaraderie.

Left out of a friend’s circle can be painful because humans want to be accepted.

When families exclude, they are asking for more drama.

When friends leave other friends out of the various aspects of their life, their lives are not as rich and their friendships not as deep and rewarding.

To combat being left out, double down on including others into your world.  It is in giving that we receive the most satisfaction and help in forgetting the selfishness of others.

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Try to lose 5 pounds a week and it won’t be long before the weight loss slows down and the pounds start piling on in a day.

It’s too much too soon and it never produces a happier, healthier person over the long term.

Hit the office with grand plans to make a big difference today and don’t be surprised if you go home disappointed and demoralized tonight.

There’s so much to do, the magic is in knowing exactly what matters most.

Humans are capable of big plans but subject to too many goals.

And we thought having more goals was the answer to success at least if we read motivational books or follow TED talks.

It’s the other way around.

One goal, one focus and 100% effort is what brings success.

Our skills are best devoted to deciding what that one goal each day, each month, each year and for our one lifetime deserves our full focus.

We have enough motivation.

We have the skills.

We need to work on being more specific about that one thing that we must relentlessly pursue.

Losing one pound a week equals as much as 52 a year, quite considerable and the best chance to be maintainable.

One goal at the office that you can verbalize in a phrase – not a long sentence – is the secret to igniting our latent capabilities that bring success and happiness.

Fewer goals.  More focused goals.

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That’s the average and it’s too much. 

The phone has become our life and not a tool for a better life.

Any excuses for not taking action today will only make it worse.  Distracted parents, unhappy children, a lack of innovation. 

IBM was the leader in working from home and has now reversed its policy requiring employees to show up at the office.  Not because they didn’t work, but because the quality of the absentee interaction was so low. 

It’s not like we can’t make a dent in 150 distractions a day. 

• Stop looking at the phone in the car. 
• And during commercials or in waiting rooms where we could be interacting with others live and in real time. 
• Seriously restrict notifications (The Wall Street Journal may want to tell you the worst and best wines at Costco, which it sent to me, but it can wait). 
• Separate from the phone several times a day.  It doesn’t need to be in your hand all the times.  We can learn to rely on it less. 
• Avoid the black hole of social media.  Facebook, Instagram and others are just begging you to go deeper, spy and chew up your precious time. 
• Put apps that get you information quickly (like weather, news, traffic, etc.) on page one of your phone’s screen.  Put black hole apps in a folder on the last screen.

Anyone who believes that in this digital age we have little control over how distracted we are could start with the above. 

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There is a big difference between “I can’t” and “I won’t”.

In the end, “I can’t” is just a lack of confidence.

“I won’t” is the lack of will.

There is every reason to purge the words “I can’t” and “I won’t” from our vocabulary. Even if they find their way out of our mouths, we should correct them on the spot.

I won’t even try or I will decide to go ahead and see what happens. 

I can’t do it is not someone else holding us back. By saying the words, we are holding ourselves back.

Useless words can be replaced by more useful ones.

I can try

And

I will do it.

Say them a lot and the actions will follow.

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Confidence is perishable like food.

For some reason, we let it get stale and discard it.

But self-doubt never goes bad and it has a long shelf life.

Humans even let major accomplishments expire on a “use by” date.

The secret is to constantly refresh our successes.

A bigger secret is that even little, seemingly menial successes pack the same confidence building potential as a life altering one.

Review successes daily.

Notes on the phone is a great place to add them in as they happen.

Scroll through often during the day.

Successes can be the IOU’s you need when looking for the next boost of confidence.

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The younger you are the more likely you are to text rather than call.

Texting is convenient and quick.

But it is not a substitute for hearing the human voice that also conveys emotion and urgency.

What would you give to hear the voice of a departed loved one more time?

A text message would not due.

Few would say “I’d really like to read one more text from my loved one who is no longer here”.

Text for convenience.

Call for connection.

You may have to work harder to dial or spend a bit more time to hear a voice either over the phone or in person.

Make time for the voice because that’s where all the humanity is.

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Advertisers now have research that shows Millennial buyers will give them only 6 seconds to connect and make their point.

The same world that gives us this very short attention span also impacts interpersonal relationships.

To communicate, we have 6 seconds.

6 seconds to say I missed you 

To ask for cooperation

To appreciate someone (and that includes the evidence to back up the compliment)

Only 6 seconds to teach

To share concern 

To say I’m sorry

In a way, less time is better.

It makes us think about what we intend to do and what we would like to say.

If you’re planning to participate in this world as fast paced as it is becoming, try getting to the point in the first 6 seconds to be a more effective communicator.

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