When we’re emotional or when our button is pushed, we react.

When we take even a few seconds to think and absorb what we’ve heard, we can respond.

Responding is preferable over reacting even though most of us react to things all day long.

A text message response is pounded out as an immediate reaction.  Same for email and social media.

Because we have the ability to communicate without having to think about what we’re saying, we’re doomed to reacting.

I knew a person who before the digital age, took out note paper every time he was angry with someone and in handwriting poured his feelings onto a piece of paper.

He then addressed it, sealed it and put it in the top drawer of his desk.

He told me that the next day when he reached in to mail it, he never sent the note that was his first reaction.  Instead, it went into the trash.

Today’s challenge is to respond thoughtfully instead of react emotionally.

And before today is over you will get many chances to practice.

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Leaving a person out hurts.

It doesn’t matter whether it is a team project at work or a social activity with friends.

If you’re left out, the human tendency may be to strike back or say something that still won’t make you feel better.

A better solution is to not adopt this losing formula as part of your human relations tools.

If it happens a lot or causes anxiety, perhaps another friend would be a better investment.

When you feel slighted by a friend on numerous occasions, that friend should not hold that power over you.  Move on.

Every chance you get, make it your business to include others at work and in your life.

People who bring others together never suffer from a shortage of good friends.

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When you say you will do something and do it, you care.

You care when you give the gift of your time focused on someone who needs you.

Not giving advice means you care about the importance of another’s individuality.

Expressing love even if it isn’t in words is a powerful display of caring.

Being there at a difficult time.

Staying in touch – in person or with the sound of your voice on the phone means you care.

An unexpected text message.

Including someone in your group or activity.

Anything that says I will give to you without you asking means you really care.

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Be content with what you have.

Wishing for something and getting it brings short-lived happiness to where you may not even want it any longer.

It’s great to know what you want but getting it does not always translate into happiness.

That’s why the rich and powerful often don’t have enough to satisfy them.

The trick is cultivating an attitude to be happy with what you have.

It’s fine to dream, plan for the future and want more, but not until we can be happy with what is in our lives now.

Don’t always ask for something wondering what surprises may come your way.

Your first job that made you so happy at first may not have been the one that you were meant to have but never even thought about.

The person you thought you were destined to be with often isn’t the person you never saw waiting in the wings to become part of your life.

Wanting more money often leads to more work and less satisfaction.

Don’t always ask for what you think you want.

Be happy with what you have.

And be docile to what life surprises us with that can bring long term happiness.

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Smiling is a potent weapon.

I have received many comments from readers after writing about the power of a smile.

We’re lost in our digital devices.

Guarded.

To gain the edge, try smiling.

Smile at the first 20 people you see each day – even those you don’t know.  It is very difficult for someone to receive a broad, sincere smile and not return it.

Be aware of how good you feel when you can simply flash a smile and make others feel good.

There is no need to talk – just smile.

This changes the pathways in our brain and because we change our approach, others are less reluctant to appear friendly and engaging.

It works with spouses and families – a simple smile.

So when your child seems remote, instead of picking at why they are not happy, why not offer up a smile?

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The cool new iPhones are not going to make it any easier to win the battle on smartphone addiction.

It’s mind vs. making up your mind.

There are things that work.

Move all social media apps, the ones that lure us into the attention black hole, into a folder on the third screen. 

Ban notifications to gain more control. 

Respond to emails when you want to not when you receive them. Most people will never know and not complain.

Avoid the multitasking that is made easier on each new iteration of mobile software.  

150 times a day on average we check our phones.

On the 10-year anniversary of the iPhone that started our mobile connection, balance supersedes immediacy.

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Lots of money is spent in search of changing ourselves.

Books, lectures, professional counseling …

Changing yourself for someone else is a losing game.

A better approach is empowering yourself to be exactly the person you want to be.

Chasing after people who would have you change the person you are is a waste of time, energy and self-respect.

Make improvements as needed.

Everything good that happens to us happens when we remain in touch with who we want to be and not endlessly trying to please others.

Ironically, we fix ourselves by being more of ourselves.

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When we get pushed, it’s a natural reaction to push back.

Revenge is overrated.

But the more we get back at someone no matter how much it may be deserved, the more like them we become.

The best revenge is to go on with life.

Years ago, a radio trade publication printed a rumor that the one I owned was going to go out of business. I was beside myself answering calls from subscribers, advertisers and onlookers denying the false report.

A friend of mine, Malcolm Rosenberg, counseled me to keep publishing and never miss a deadline. Soon everyone would know that their reports were not credible.

Going on instead of getting back at them made all the difference.

They were the ones who eventually went out of business and we survived.

Resist revenge.

Replace it with a renewed will to go on as if the words had never been said.

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Jake Olson has been blind since he was 12.

He always dreamed of playing football for USC.

And in early September, his dream came true.

A teammate helped guide him on the field to snap the ball for the extra point.  The official tapped him when the clock started.

Olson had cancer in his eyes and on the night before he underwent surgery that would make him blind forever, he watched a USC practice.

The team adopted him as a type of mascot but without his deep desire to “see” his dream come true and the help of those around him, the magic moment would have never arrived.

Never stop dreaming – ever.

Never believe that anything is impossible.

More damaging than even the loss of eyesight is the loss of the will to go on and achieve.

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We feel out of control when we agree to do something that our intuition tells us we don’t want to do.

Peer pressure.

The helplessness of being forced to carry out duties our employer requires without our input.

Bullies invading our space.

Those close to us who give and take away approval to gain control.

Our minds and bodies know when we are straying from the person we want to be.

The feeling of helplessness results.

Resentment and a feeling of being powerless.

We know deep inside that we could not make ourselves this conflicted without the help of others.

When we know we’re off track, no is an option.

Start looking for new employment.

Separate from people who bully or control.

Break co-dependencies by being your own best advocate.

No is the answer to anyone who somehow makes us feel not good about ourselves.

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