I’m looking out the window at the tee box for the eighth hole.

Golf is no longer a game of 100% concentration.

While a man’s wife was teeing off, he was scrolling through his phone messages in his cart.

When a group of teenage boys passed through, they checked their phones before hitting the ball and then again, every time they walked to their ball to hit.

Really?

Is that the way we want to live addicted to our phones so much so that we can’t put them away for fear of missing something while we are golfing.

I suspect you can plug in any sport or for that matter any other activity and find a prominent role for a smartphone.

The phones are smart but using them like this, the owners are not so smart.

The phone is a tool not a substitute for living in the present.

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The brain works in two ways.

The default setting is one in which our minds wander.

The second is focused in an undistracted way.

Why is it increasingly hard to focus?

Too much self-absorption – the inability to be in the now 100% laser focused on something other than ourselves. 

A lack of sincere gratitude even for bad things that happen to us that will eventually become transformative.

And the absence of kindness to other people even those who may not appreciate you.

The brain can be trained.

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Anxiety is a very tough condition to conquer.

Pills, therapy, meditation and many other solutions have been tried.

One additional tool is to push off anxious feelings to only certain times in the day.

Anxiety hour may be from 8 to 9 pm if you choose so when the feeling of anxiety comes over you, time shift it until the time you have reserved to deal with it.

Then for that hour and only that hour, feel free to ruminate about what is eating you but only for that hour.

Most people are surprised to find that when they time shift their worries and anxieties, they dispense with them sooner than they thought.

And free themselves up to live a fuller, less anxious life for the other 23 hours.

Anxieties don’t always go away even when problems are solved but time shifting trains us to be less obsessed and therefore happier and more productive.

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If you make your focus talking about the other person and their interests, they will become more interested in you.

Even in the digital age of self-absorption, selfies and competing for likes and follows, no one can resist a person-centered conversation.

Conversation starters …

How are you? (being careful not to also chime in with how you are unless asked)

What do you think?

Why?

A person-centered conversation with the focus on the other person should sound like you’re doing an interview.

It is amazing how responsive people will be to anyone who masters the art of being person-centered.

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Nike said “Just Do It” as a means of encouraging people to participate.

“Get It Done” means for all the team planning, study and collaboration, the most successful individual will be the one who actually makes the plans happen.

That’s who you want to be.

The one who follows through.

Who doesn’t lose site of the goal.

Who seeks solutions to problems that crop up along the way.

Here are the qualities of successful people that are often underestimated:

1. The ability to win the cooperation of others
2. Being the one who gets the project done

As the world becomes more consolidated and even robotic, these two skills will always assure that you are in demand.

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No words spoken by another can be as damaging as the words we repeat over and over in our head that are critical.

Success is passed over and often forgotten – even major accomplishments.

Somehow it is easier for most people to be critical of themselves than it is to be appreciative.

There is no need for an inner critic.

No way we should be our own worst enemy.

Those little voices of self-doubt that affect confidence.

Have you ever heard someone say to you, “Give me constructive criticism.”?  I want it.

A better response is: ”What do you think you’ve done well and what can you do better”.

Balance the quest for perfection with an appreciation of accomplishment.

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Stop that feeling in its tracks.

Employers are frequent culprits of running down employee’s self-worth but even friends and relatives do it often out of jealousy.

Often our jobs are our main focus so when we’re not appreciated at work, we really take it to heart.

The most important judge of your self-worth is you.

Let someone else get into your head with negative input and you’re giving too much power to a person who doesn’t deserve it.

Look into your own soul – what are your strong traits and what needs to be worked on.

When people tear down others, they are weak.

When they help build, they are strong.

Letting people record unfair criticism directly into your subconscious mind is the definition of self-destruction.

The negative message will repeat over and over again doing its damage.

Only you get to deliver messages to your subconscious.

Positive statements that when they repeat will improve your self-esteem not ruin it.

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Our friend Cadillac Jack is a fabulous dj who recently discovered he has stage four colon cancer.

I have a subscriber who underwent brain surgery to remove a tumor and the radio station he worked for would not assure him that his job would be waiting for him if he beats the “Big C”.

A friend dealing with anxiety that controls her life.

Another person suffering from opioid or alcohol addiction that can’t seem to turn it around.

People need hope.

No, they CRAVE hope.

And whether we are that person or it is someone close to us, the one mission we have is not to play doctor or psychologist.

Give large doses of hope. 

Hope is not blue skies. It is positive feedback that things will get better.

The author Norman Cousins was left for dead by his doctors who said he had a one in 500 chance of surviving connective tissue disease.

He took matters into his own hands and commenced taking large doses of vitamin C and tried to lose himself in laughter by watching funny movies.

Cousins lived another 26 years surviving yet another disease in a life that only he believed he would have.

The prescription for dealing with challenging health issues is to take large doses of hope around the clock.

It’s the best medicine.

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You hear more complaints than ever about haters, self-absorption, distraction and how negative life in the digital and social media age is becoming.

Can you name the person in your life who you never get tired of and who puts a smile on your face when you talk?

That person may have positivity in their DNA – the very thing we’re all attracted to but don’t get enough of.

We can be that person if we’re willing to take a few steps:

Greet people as if you are enormously happy to see them.

Focus on them, not you.  No weighing in with your reaction to everything they share. 

Acknowledge their pains and problems but always offer hope – humans need to have hope and if you provide it, you will not only be liked but be loved.

Interact with them not when you need something but out of friendship – just checking in.

Talk in terms of their interests not yours and don’t be surprised if they will return the favor.

To be liked is not about how funny you are or how successful.

Nor is it about how many friends you have accumulated.

To be liked, you must be that one person who can put your own needs aside for the sake of another.

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Bad moods can spread by a process known as “social contagion”.

If someone else is in ill humor, you and those around them can also pick it up.

If any one of us is in a bad mood we can easily be contagious to the moods of others.

An examination of public health statistics also shows that helplessness and loss of interest can also be passed from one to another although not enough to influence depression.

The more people around you who are in a bad mood, the more chance you will catch it.

On the other hand, the happier people are that you are around, the better the chance that you will be happy.

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