It’s back there somewhere – the thought of potential failure.

It’s silent.

It’s always present.  Some days louder than others.

Triggered by something that can be random like a failure in another area of your life totally unrelated.  (Sounds like I’ve been down that road).

You can block it out, but it’s still there.

How to turn that voice in your head into a positive?

• Only listen to it once a week – Not compulsively every day until it brings you down.  Once a week.  For no more than 30 minutes.  So when you feel that voice getting louder, you say “I’ll deal with you openly and honestly Tuesday night for a half hour on the way home”. 

• For every negative, a positive — During the half hour be frank about your negative thoughts.  Avoid discounting them no matter how troubling they may be (i.e., “I’m afraid I’m going to mess up my presentation”).  For every true negative thought, find an off-setting positive thought (“No one here knows the subject matter better than I do”). 

• Get out of knocking yourself down — Speak up for you the way you would have a friend do it.  No matter what the fear, do not buy into it.

Successful, happy people accept failure and learn from it.  But they don’t bring it on by letting doubting voices takeover their minds.

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When your elevator arrives, you step forward and walk in.

Here’s a young mother who pushed her baby stroller in when the elevator doors opened.  And although elevators are statistically very safe, it was an assumption that caused the accident.

In life, we assume things that are not fact.

A fact is something that can be observed and verified.

Most people are very smart whether or not they have a formal education.

Where it goes wrong is our propensity for assuming something is true when it is not a fact.

Lots of friendships breakup as a result of assumptions made.

Dreams are broken before they start when they are based on accepting something as true when it has not been proven.

If you’re working on yourself – one good place to increase your effectiveness and happiness is to remind yourself to frequently ask this question:

“Am I making an assumption or do I have proof”?

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Remember that feeling in grade, middle or high school?

The feeling of being excluded – left out.

It would be nice if children outgrew excluding others when they became adults.

SnapChat allows young people to create their own groups and only include the invited – a step stronger than simply having people “friend” you.

You can’t do anything about other people’s behavior but while they are out excluding people, you can be making great friends by being inclusionary.

Be thoughtful enough to make sure everyone is included in the event.

It’s shocking how many companies fail to invite people who sit outside their doors to be part of teams.  Invite them in.

Reach out to those left out.

Before this day ends, include someone in an activity or a simple conversation and watch how making them feel wanted will make you feel better.

Only weak people exclude others.

Strength of character comes from standing up for and alongside people who bring diversity to our lives.

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Add digital addiction to the other addictions that ruin people’s lives.

There are rehab programs popping up as the need increases and some psychologist specialize in treating the anxiety that results from being connected too much.

Yet, just like the excuse “I can handle one drink”, formerly happy people are finding themselves deeper and deeper in 24/7 stress by not recognizing their real limits.

1. Limit your connectivity to specific times and durations.

2. Come to understand that scrolling through a Facebook or Instagram feed is a “black hole” to be avoided or at the very least, limited. Set a stopwatch on your phone with how long you will stay involved in social media.

3. Don’t check back so frequently.  You won’t miss anything more important than what is happening in the present.

4. I have 2 screens on my iPhone for things like my Uber app, weather, etc.  Everything else is in folders titled “games”, “social media”, “podcasts”, “news”, etc.  Anything in a folder gets a time limit and every app on screen one and two is a short-term distraction.

5. Spend as much time on the phone (speaking and listening) or in-person as you spend on your phone.

Digital addiction can be avoided, but first you have to admit that there is a problem.

52% of Millennials have digital addiction so they may be among the first to step up.

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The captain is not the last person to go down with the ship.

We know this from forensic evidence of vessels that have sunk.

In fact, the captain is among the first to abandon ship preceded only by the crew.

Unlike passengers the crew is trained on how to survive at sea.

Yes, the women were left to save themselves only followed by – believe it or not – the children.

This does not mean that everyone jumps overboard. There are occasional tales of heroic and selfless actions that have saved others at the expense of their own lives.

No matter how much you trust others whether earned or imagined, always be prepared in life to depend on yourself.

Not the person who promises a promotion.

Or the friend who insists they will be there for you no matter what.

If you’re that fortunate, be grateful.

Otherwise prepare every day by learning to count on the most dependable person you know – you.

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Students learn less when they use a laptop or tablet to take notes in class and presentations.

And their grades are worse than those who do not use these note taking aids.

They distract users from receiving the message and distract those around them.

This spells trouble in corporate meeting rooms and at presentations where digital devices are standard equipment.

The people who look like they are trying to absorb the most from the content presentation are actually hurting themselves.

In random tests at Princeton and UCLA, students who used pen and paper outperformed the digital note takers.

Some professors discourage or outright ban the use of laptops and tablets because smartphones can take pictures of handwritten notes that can be stored later on a student’s computer.

The point is – access to information and ease of absorbing such information is turning about to be secondary to focusing on the content in real time and thinking about it.

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People tend to cling to memories of the past as they become older or even as they experience success at a younger age.

Memories are made of successes and while they feel good to reflect on, they feel even better in real time going forward.

Do, don’t stew.

Start something new — don’t just review past successes.

Engage someone new – a person you don’t normally contact, spend time with or have a dialogue with.  Start one.  One new outreach a day, brings 365 potential people some of whom can enrich your life (and you theirs).  It only takes one.

Life is like a concert.

We enjoy songs from the past but we also appreciate brand new lyrics and beats – preferably together in a nice balance.

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Dale Carnegie says the only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

For those caught up in their own or someone else’s drama, these steps are helpful:

• Listen – Listening helps eliminate the feeling of self-defense that is triggered when another person is coming at you in an argument.  Showing that you are attempting to listen and understand is the first line of defense.
• Acknowledge the argument – Being able to repeat the other person’s complaint is proof that you are listening even if you do not agree.
• Support the argument – Supporting the other person’s right to disagree helps pave the way for your right to have your own – differing – opinion.

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Step 1 – Write down your top 25 career goals

Step 2 – Circle only your top 5 options

Step 3 – Put the top 5 on one list and the other 20 on a second list

Then give the top 5 list all your attention and avoid at all costs the second list until you’ve succeeded with the top 5.

This concept also works for daily to-dos.

Step 1 – Write down your tasks for the day

Step 2 – Circle only your top 5

Step 3 – Put the top 5 important tasks on one list

Give all your attention to that list until they are completed and then you can add more.

Multi-tasking is a myth that studies prove does not produce more efficiency and does create more anxiety.

Focus your time and energy on things that matter most.

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Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan agreed in writing in a “relationship agreement” before they were married to spend 100 minutes of alone time with each other each week away from work.

Rapper Jay-Z and singer/wife Beyonce have a pre-nup in which she earns $5 million for each child they have together. It’s not the money. They are worth over $1 billion together. It’s about placing yet another value on becoming a parent.

Actress Nicole Kidman and singer Keith Urban have a pre-nup in which Urban gets $600,000 for every year he remains narcotics and alcohol free.

Jessica Biel receives $500,000 if Justin Timberlake cheats. They are worth $248 million together.

This is not about the money. It’s about goals.

When goals are clearly stated whether they are in “relationship agreements”, pre-nuptials, employment contracts or even Valentine “I Love You cards”, they have the best chance of success.

Imagine trying to solve a problem without stating specifically what the problem is.

Goals cannot be reached unless they are assigned a value and committed in a document as a blueprint for success.

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