28-32 for getting married.

Before 32 for having children.

18-19 for processing information.

This from a research study at UIC School of Public Health in Chicago.

The best age is when you realize that life is short and you’re running out of time.

Sometimes it takes the death of a loved one to realize it.

Worries and stress start to decline at age 50 and later years are often most rewarding if good health holds up beyond that.

The perfect age is now.

We cannot relive the past.

Cannot guarantee the future.

The best age is when we arrive at the realization that we need to live in the present and be grateful for it.

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Jerry Del Colliano is the author of Out of Bad Comes Good, The Advantages of Disadvantages here.

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Each day is more precious than the previous day.

To live in the past is to squander the valuable time that remains.

To spend it in the future dreaming of what could be is not assured.

We can learn from the past, relive special moments and rekindle memories of loved ones and looking to the future can help us plan for what might be.

But we must only visit not dwell on the past and future.

The only thing that is guaranteed is living in the present 100% focused on what we are fortunate to have.

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The bible of conflict resolution was written by Morton Deutsch who died last year at the age of 97.

“…coercion, intimidation, deception, distrust and hostility are both causes and effects of competition, whereas assistance, openness, information, sharing, perceived similarity, and friendliness are both causes and effects of cooperation”

That one paragraph summarizes 25 years of research on cooperation and conflict.

To be an expert at conflict resolution whether it be at work or at home, these are what you should be shooting for:

Openness

Information

Sharing

Perceived similarity

Friendliness

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The opposite of working together as teams in lock step is disagreement.

There can be no innovation when we are agreeing with everybody and everyone is agreeing with us.

But there are a few rules:

• Argue as if you’re in a debate instead of a WWE wrestling tournament.
• Sincerely try to see things from the others person’s point of view whether you agree with it or not.
• Respectfully, repeat the main points of the other person’s point of view.  That shows a willingness to listen and may inspire them to do the same with your ideas.
• If you have areas of agreement, state them.  Where you disagree, simply state that as well.

The purpose of expressing different points of view is not to master the other person and get them to think like you (or vice versa).

It is to expose all ideas to the light of day from which the creative process begins.

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It’s one thing when others stand in our way.

It’s something quite different when we are the ones standing in our own way.

Excuses are useless.

No one believes them anyway.

It’s never right to sell yourself short or bet against your chances to succeed.

Self-doubt is self-sabotage.

Finding excuses for not taking chances is an easy way to never begin.

People who are not afraid to fail never make excuses.  They’re busy figuring out how to try again.

Others may doubt you, but you must never doubt yourself.

To do so is to prevent success and guarantee unhappiness.

The best way to ban excuses from your life is to make a commitment to an even higher standard than anyone expects of you.

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Think of it this way.

The more we obsess about the past, what’s happened and can’t be changed or undone, the more of our finite future is wasted.

Talk to a newly separated person and you’re likely to hear them double down on everything bad that is happening.

Some of this is normal, but to continue to waste life in the past is to rob you of your dreams and ambitions. To prevent you from meeting new people and starting new and interesting careers.

Moving on to all the potentially good things the future holds is not a warm and fuzzy feeling at first.

It’s a commitment to stop wasting time on that which cannot be changed.

Learn.

Mourn.

Get it out of your system.

But leave it all where it belongs – in the past where it can no longer hurt your chances of future happiness and fulfillment.

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Somewhere along the way no turned out to be a dirty word.

But it isn’t. In fact, no is a gift to yourself to stay focused on the life you really want to live.

No more being resentful, overwhelmed or feeling used.

• Never say yes right away – Even if that is your inclination. Bide your time. Think it over. Say you will get back to them even if you’re pressured for an immediate response because being pressured is the way others get us to say yes when we really mean no.
  
• Ask lots of questions – How much time will it take? Why did you choose me? 
• What’s the compelling reason to do it? – Absent a compelling reason that resonates for both parties (not just the other person), you have no reason to acquiesce. 
• After thinking, stick to your decision – Put it in a sentence and keep repeating it every time you’re pressured to reconsider. Example: “After sleeping on it, I realize at this point in my life I cannot commit to that right now”. And if you’re asked 5 times to reconsider, repeat the same simple line 5 more times.
  

You will make more enemies by agreeing to something that your heart’s not in than if you say simply and honestly – sorry, I cannot do it.

It may take practice because so many of us are pleasers or we are afraid to say no, but once you start using the questions above to work through your hidden feelings, no will be an honest answer not a rejection.

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We’re hearing a lot of public apologies lately.  It seems most people are ready to apologize when they’ve been caught doing something wrong.

For the rest of us, apologizing for mistakes can not only save relationships but empower you. 

• Never say IF I offended you, I apologize – It’s not IF, it’s either I did or I didn’t.  Using the word “if” can sound like a cop out on the receiving end. 
• Fix the problem before making the apology – So if you had to cancel an engagement at the last minute wasting the other person’s time, reschedule first and then sincerely apologize for the offense.
• No empty apologies – These are the ones that are made before anything is done to fix or improve the thing that you might have done to offend.

The only reason to withhold an apology is ego.

Apologizing for an indiscretion after you’ve begun taking steps to repair the damage means you are human and sorry enough to start fixing the problem before you just say the words.

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You can’t do every task or project equally which is why we choose the small tasks when we’re in the accomplishing mood.

The secret is to break big tasks and projects into smaller ones — as many as necessary with the goal of completing the entire thing.

You can reserve a meeting room for a team meeting easily enough and check it off the list but planning an entire conference requires many smaller tasks.

Achievers know just working on big tasks will not lead to completing them adequately.  They divide the tasks into smaller tasks and then check them off.

The key to productivity is to do only that which brings you 80% of your goal and not try to do everything.

Multitasking is a waste of time.

When a task is large, divide it up into sub-tasks and attack them one by one.

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When we get what we want, we no longer want it.

And soon we want something else.

A lifetime can be spent pursuing some specific goal or dream, but it doesn’t take long to get used to achieving it and wanting something else – something more.

Be on the lookout for unexpected gifts – things that we may never have thought of had it not been for adversity of luck.

Not getting the job you want often leads to getting something better – unexpected, even in another field.

Pursuing riches can ruin a life when being poor can help define what riches are.  There are a lot of wealthy people who are unhappy because no amount of money guarantees happiness.

Instead of always pushing for what you think you want, try this.

Be open to what comes your way.

That way you won’t miss something that came to you as a gift that you ordinarily would have failed to recognize.

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