A University of Oxford professor Robin Dunbar has come up with the maximum number of social media friends that can be maintained at any given time.

150.

The average Facebook user has over 300 friends – so says a Pew study.

Then add Instagram, Snpachat, Twitter to your universe and you’re spending a lot of time on people who you probably really don’t care about.

In other words, a lot of time is being spent in the black hole of social media where we lose our ability to live in the present and nurture friendships even though we only care about a much smaller number of “friends”.

Snapchat is refocusing on small groups of friends instead of massive numbers so heavy users are beginning to demand social media connections that actually have more meaning.

Fewer social media friends leaves you time for the friends you care about just like in person.

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The former first lady who died recently at the age of 92 once enraged the students of Wellesley College by accepting an invitation to speak.

The “just a housewife” Bush was hardly a beacon for women’s rights or so the students thought.

The speech alongside her Soviet counterpart Raisa Gorbechev asked the students to consider making three important life choices.

Believe in something larger than yourself. 

Find the joy in life.

Cherish your human connections.

As for the feminist part of her speech, Barbara Bush surprised again at the end of her talk when she asked the young Wellesley grads to follow their dreams:

“Somewhere out in this audience may even be someone who will one day follow in my footsteps and preside over the White House as the president’s spouse.  I wish him well!” 

Funny, feisty, bold Barbara Bush.

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52% of Millennials say anxiety is their biggest health problem and people of all ages are finding themselves under more stress in the digital age.

Perfectionists are great brain surgeons, lawyers, employers but they are not always happy people.

Trying too hard is bad for anxiety.

Giving your all is a better strategy.

There is a difference.

When consumed with having to get it right (or even working for or being with people who demand perfection), anxiety increases.

Play to win.  Put everything you have into it and then leave perfection to those who are willing to succeed at something at the cost of their health.

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How do you put down a phone that does so many things you depend on?

Very carefully, it turns out.

Not all phone apps hijack us to the attention black hole.

Social media does, so start there.  Cutback on social media.  It’s too addictive and it is the biggest detriment to using a mobile device without giving up being present for what’s going on around us.

Spotify, podcasting and endless news feeds hijack our attention from living in the moment.  Use with care because it’s very easy to get caught in a playlist, a podcast or Twitter.

Give yourself permission to go analog at times – weekends, say, when reading print might be a good substitute from digital distraction.

Then, adopt this rule of thumb:  spend as much time face-to-face as you spend on mobile devices and you’re well on your way to a well-earned tech holiday.

Welcome back.

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Down and out is a bad position from which to recover.

Down but determined is a guarantee that in time things are going to get better.

Determination overcomes disappointment.

To come back from disappointment, match it with determination.

When Serena Williams loses, look out.

When one of Elon Musk’s Space-X rockets crashes and burns, he grows more determined.

When Steve Jobs got fired at Apple by the man he recruited to run it, there was no way he liked it, but Jobs immediately started another company that invented what today is the Apple operating system setting up his return.

Assisting bad breaks by harboring a bad attitude is no way to rebound.

Be dangerous with determination to overcome.

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I will never buy an outdoor grill that is not made by Weber.

For anything that goes wrong, they always make it right most recently replacing the entire cook box of a large grill because it was not performing up to Weber standards.

No begging, no threatening – no hassles.

Goodwill is the gold standard of customer virtues.

There are other companies that accept the consumer’s word without exception, but not many.  That’s why there is no shortage of irate entries on Yelp.

Consumers want to be believed when they call; not be put on trial to prove their point.  A picture, an answer within a half hour, a new cook box in less than a week.

Whenever possible in business as well in personal human relations, the person who can be first to say yes is the one to be championed and appreciated.

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Losing things in life is a bummer.

The more we lose, the unhappier we become.

It works the other way, too.

For every loss, a gain.

Empty nest?  Get that special place for the two of you.

Leaving the job you love?  Move immediately to find a new love.

Laurie Cantillo left as the successful and outstanding program director of WTOP in Washington but before accepting one of the many radio offers she received, Laurie pursued her passion – space – and took a job with NASA (She has since been promoted to the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena).

What a role model!  Her son is interested in astrophysics.

For every loss of something we love, find something to gain.

Nothing is worse than the loss of enthusiasm for the next adventure in life.

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The pain of going through rough times is nothing to wish for.

But life is full of rough times and some people use challenging times to transform their lives into something better.

A broken relationship leads to an entirely new and rewarding one.

A lost job or failure to win a raise or promotion is painful but useful when the irritation can morph into something better.

A deep personal disappointment that cannot easily be shaken off can be used as a motivator that brings satisfaction.

When rough spots paralyze, they also continue to do their damage.

Pain transforms into eventual happiness when it is used as an agent of personal change and growth.

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Happiness just happens, right?

But it really doesn’t.

Sometimes things do happen that make us happy and we’re always chasing more of these random events.

People who are really happy are those who realize that happiness is a choice.

If you have to wait for something to come along to be happy, then you’re going to be unhappy a lot.

Even money doesn’t make us happy although we think it will.  Check with lottery winners a year or two after they got wealthy beyond their dreams.

Still unhappy with all that cash.

And when illness, loss or hard times bring us down, we can’t always reverse these things just because we don’t like them.

Happy because I have people who love me and who I love.

Happy that I survived tough times or a difficult situation.

Happy that I had the flu because it could have been worse.

Happy to lose my job, the next one changed my life (this happened to me).

Happy to come this close to losing my life because surviving it made me appreciate life even more.

As we said, happiness is a choice.

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There really is no such thing as the future.

There is only now – where we can live, love and feel fulfilled.

We think of the future as a place where we can get the things we really want but nobody can see the future and anyone who lives in that space will be constantly disappointed.

The future has a way of never arriving.

Dreams are another thing – they are the desires we have that will only come if we develop a path to attaining them.

Dreams are redeemable in the present where they can be fully enjoyed.

People who live constantly for tomorrow may not realize it but tomorrow never comes.

But dream and prepare a plan to realize it and they will be enjoyed in real time.

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