Starting today, see yourself in the …

Top ten percent of your company’s productive workers.

Top ten percent for marriages and relationships.

Top ten percent in health and fitness.

Top ten percent in effective use of human relations.

Top ten percent among those weaning themselves off of too much phone use.

Top ten percent at spending time with the family.

Top ten percent of people who actually pursue their dreams with passion.

Top ten percent of meaningful friendships.

Even aim to be in the top ten percent of your upcoming class reunion.

Sometimes all that is needed to improve is to see a top ten percentile goal vividly in your mind’s eye.

Without it, the results are unpredictable.

With it, the outcomes are guaranteed to be better.

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1. Talk kindly to yourself.  Become your own coach.  Good coaches build on positives, negative coaches get fired.
2. Become skilled at using effective human relations.  There is still no better way to gain an edge than to master the principles in Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends and Influence People.  (Hint, buy the paperback.  Rip out one chapter at a time until you master it then go on).
3. Admit mistakes.  You want to be the person who can say “I was wrong” and why sincerely because that breeds confidence that sticks with you when you need it most.
4. Defend your boundaries.  Push away abusers and bullies even if they are related to you or you work closely with them.  No confidence ever comes from tolerating a bully or an abusive person.

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Totally change your routines.

If you drive to work one way, go another way.

Usually bring lunch? Eat out.

Shy away from conversation, start one.

Stuck in a job, in the next hour take a step toward exploring a new one.

Going nowhere in a relationship?  Part ways but take time off before entering another one to avoid making the same choice again.

Ruts can be things that formerly excited us.

Waiting for the perfect person, situation or opportunity to come along is a dead-end road – don’t postpone living 100% now.

The most important way to get out of a rut is to get in touch with your instincts, listen to them and never doubt them.

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Don’t talk.

Ask questions.

Endless questioning going deeper and deeper into the conversation.

And it has nothing to do with being outgoing.

People think a great conversationalist is a person who says all the right things, can be witty, intelligent, interesting – all at once.

It’s the other way around.

Ask question after question – do it sincerely — and you will make a friend for life.

The irony is, a good conversationalist is not a person who does all the talking but the one who does all the listening.

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Do the thing you fear to do and the fear will go away from you.

Face the threat, don’t let it fester.

Stand up for yourself and you always win.

Better than worry:  Prepare for what you could actually do if your worst fears come true.

Fear is a mind game you can win.

Stop the anxiety dead in its tracks by standing up and refusing to succumb to an unpleasant emotion that can ruin your life. 

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Anxious people seem to make themselves more anxious by obsessing about it.

An immediate fix is to postpone your anxiety to a set time every day.

I’m worried about losing my job

My children are having problems in school

I’m worried about health issues

I feel pressured all the time and can’t relax

Put it on a list of things you want to deal with – later.  Say, between 8 and 8:30 or whatever works for you.  At the end of that time, all anxious thoughts are held over to tomorrow at, say, 8 pm.

Anxiety doesn’t just go away as most people suffering from it will attest.  It has to be managed.

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

It’s the feeling that hurts us because the actual concern more often than not never happens the way we fear it.

Put a stop/loss on anxiety by scheduling worry time for a specific duration every day and start managing a feeling that makes legitimate concerns seem all encompassing.

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A study of 2,000 adults says this is what is a perfect day for them:

Waking up at 8:15 in the morning 

A sunny, spring-like forecast with a temperature of 74 

Being able to enjoy three hours outdoors

4 hours with family, 3 hours with friends

Another 3 hours watching TV

In bed by 10:50 pm. 

Even at that respondents say they only have 15 “perfect” days a year.

What’s wrong with their typical “perfect” day.

It is self-centered.

Real perfect days come when you’re not making it all about yourself.

Giving the gift of your precious time to someone without expecting anything in return. 

Being a good listener to a friend where you can accurately repeat back the essence of what they are saying without having to match them topic by topic. 

Being grateful for that which is good but also for challenges that have the potential of transforming your life.

And being grateful for people in your life.

Putting your phone away and being 100% present with those around you.

Returning home to greet everyone as if you’ve been on a two-week business trip and can’t wait to see them.

Forgiving someone.

You get more happiness by giving than receiving.

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A smartphone is like one of those morphine pumps they give patients after surgery where you hit it up to get an instant dose of pain killer and doctors say use it as much as you need to comfort yourself.

Our phones bring us a jolt of adrenalin so we keep tapping it to see if we missed anything, if someone wants us or if they are responding to our social media posts.

It’s a drug.

You can’t just stop turning to your phone unless you have something else that brings happiness to replace it.

Shut the phone down and go solo by interacting with others in real time.

Do like the French, no business emails after work hours — no exceptions. 

Seriously, look at our texts messages.  We could live without 90% of them and not miss a beat. 

Avoid the black hole of scrolling through social media – it’s hard to stop and not worth it.  

Put all apps that help without distracting you on the first two screens of your phone – weather, traffic, Uber, etc.  Everything else goes into folders (Instagram, Facebook, news, music, video, etc.) and when you enter those folders be aware that you are entering a black hole that will usurp your time and distract you from your present surroundings.

51% of Millennials say their number one medical complaint is anxiety.

Reduce it by getting tough with your phone – you own it, don’t let it own you.

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I saw an interesting article recently that suggested that phones and digital devices may not be the only source of stress in our lives.

That perhaps people are turning to social media to escape a world of pressure, impossible expectations and feelings of failure for the instant response of someone liking us on Facebook or following us on Instagram.

Fear feeds worry.

Then we begin to worry as if worry is a 100% predictor of doom that will soon follow.

99% of everything we fear never happens.

And in 1% of the cases when it does, what we feared does not happen as we imagined it would.

Yet when it comes to fear and worry, even those odds don’t seem to be good enough.

To stop worry in its tracks, ask what’s the worst that can happen?

Then, realistically how likely is that to occur?

This is important – and if it does, what’s your plan for dealing with your fear

Fear and worry are not rational so to get the emotion under control, add some reality.

What I’m fearing will probably not happen and if it does, here’s my plan – this approach goes a long way toward easing anxiety.

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It’s a joke how people who are very publicly fired from their jobs like to say “I want to spend more time with my family”.

So if they weren’t fired, would they still want to spend less time with the family?

More time with the family is a red herring.

Better time – now that’s a doable goal.

Away with the guilt of working late and not seeing the children if you’re still going to leave your phone on and be distracted.

Or declaring a family day because you need it more than they do.

Quality time does not mean more time.

Spend quality time in the now 100% focused on the person or people who are important to you.

One long walk with a child where communication is taking place is more meaningful than one entire day instigated by guilt.

Listening to a family member without commenting is so golden that it will earn hugs and kisses.

Being present, curious and non-judgmental is preferred over hours of just being there.

Ironically, it’s not the amount of time that is spent but the amount of time focused on the other person’s life. 

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