Even when things go our way, we could do a better job of savoring the moment.

Fast, connected living prevents us from fully appreciating the good things that happen.

We move on too fast.

In fact, we tend to spend more time on things that irritate us than on things that bring great joy.

All the books, TED talks, podcasts and pep talks are useless unless we don’t postpone joy.

Nail it?  Enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Proud of your children?  Don’t rush the great feeling of pride and happiness.

To be tough on yourself or others affects joy.

Enough good things happen to everyone – even people in stressful situations – to make a conscious attempt not to postpone the critical feeling of joy in our lives.

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My biological clock is ticking.

I either get a promotion or my career is over. 

I’m 31 and I haven’t found the love of my life. 

I’m retiring and I’ll love it (but will I?). 

I have already lived move years than I have left.

The feeling of running out of time has nothing to do with age.  It’s about feeling pressure that time is passing us by.

No one knows how much time they have.   If they’re a teenager, they just assume it’s a long time between high school and old age, but sadly even young people can’t count on that.

Mid-lifers are pressured to raise a family and keep their career going.  They tend to look at time as the number of years they have left to maximize earnings.

Older folks can point to the actuarial tables but today people live unusually long lives given a few health breaks.

When the feeling of running out of time creeps up, double down on what you have this minute – today.

That’s all anyone can count on.

The fear of running out of time is just a lifetime of bad guesses that are not worth making.

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When it’s happening to you, it matters little that failure is the best dress rehearsal for future success.

Just getting through the debilitating feeling that attacks pride, self-esteem and confidence seems like an impossible task.

Okay, things will get better.

How do I get back and overcome my negative thoughts?

Surviving is the key thought – accepting your misfortune for now and dealing with the pain.

Anger is a waste of time and only stirs up more anger.

I’ll be back, things will be different, I will learn from my mistakes, it was out of my hands, it is a gift, I will become better for this.

One thing overlooked is all the good that happened even if the result led to a failure.

Instead of obsessing about what went wrong, start compiling a list of what went right.

Sometimes failure is based on the power of another person to impose it on you.  And sometimes it is political.

There are always more things that went right than went wrong – focus and obsess on these.

The only permanent failure is the one that accepts a judgment you do not share.

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If you’ve ever seen an old black and white picture of your grandma or great grandfather, they always seem to look like they were afraid of the camera.

And they were probably very nice, friendly people.

Contrast that to any picture on Instagram or social media today and they look like they are having a good time – maybe even too good a time.

We base how we feel about people – even whether we’re going to like them or not – by our first contact with them.

Look happy, approachable and engaging and you’re off to a good start.

Look distracted (like you’ve been on your phone), concerned, overly shy or distant and that relationship is getting off to the wrong start.

DJs who smile before they turn their mic on, sound friendlier on the air.

Yes, even the sound of a smile makes you more approachable and engaging.

People invest so much money into how they look – Botox, Invisalign, makeup, an edgy haircut but nothing is cheaper or more alluring than a smile.

Wait for the other person and it may be a long wait.

You go first and watch how many people immediately engage you with a smile in return.

It’s like yawning.  Once one person does it, you do it.

I do it every day when I am with people I don’t know – smile and watch the power of going first.

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Putting off dreams, responsibilities, handling tough situations or anything that needs our attention is like tying your hands behind your back.

Later is your enemy.

Thinking that achieving things is based on luck is misleading.

It’s based on how willing we are to deal with what we must do right now – not later.

The secret is starting immediately.

To start your own business, do something that leads you in that direction until you finally arrive.

Confronting personal problems with another person is a main source of avoidance.

Often the person most willing to deal with life’s problems right now is the one who is the happiest and most successful in the end.

Not the brightest.

Not the luckiest.

The most ready.

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We complain about not having enough hours in the day to do the things we really want to do.

That’s just not so.

Down time – the time we spend in-between, waiting for, following or in anticipation of something else – is the most valuable real estate in our lives.

Recognize this and find the added time to do more of what you want while still being productive.

But down time is wasted.

The proof is in our pockets.

Pulling out the phone to waste it on more apps, more chat and more diversions from the things we always say we don’t have enough time for is a prime go-to time waster.

Down time is found time when we’re on the lookout for it and it can give back the time we wish we had to use in more productive ways.

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A University of Oxford professor Robin Dunbar has come up with the maximum number of social media friends that can be maintained at any given time.

150.

The average Facebook user has over 300 friends – so says a Pew study.

Then add Instagram, Snpachat, Twitter to your universe and you’re spending a lot of time on people who you probably really don’t care about.

In other words, a lot of time is being spent in the black hole of social media where we lose our ability to live in the present and nurture friendships even though we only care about a much smaller number of “friends”.

Snapchat is refocusing on small groups of friends instead of massive numbers so heavy users are beginning to demand social media connections that actually have more meaning.

Fewer social media friends leaves you time for the friends you care about just like in person.

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The former first lady who died recently at the age of 92 once enraged the students of Wellesley College by accepting an invitation to speak.

The “just a housewife” Bush was hardly a beacon for women’s rights or so the students thought.

The speech alongside her Soviet counterpart Raisa Gorbechev asked the students to consider making three important life choices.

Believe in something larger than yourself. 

Find the joy in life.

Cherish your human connections.

As for the feminist part of her speech, Barbara Bush surprised again at the end of her talk when she asked the young Wellesley grads to follow their dreams:

“Somewhere out in this audience may even be someone who will one day follow in my footsteps and preside over the White House as the president’s spouse.  I wish him well!” 

Funny, feisty, bold Barbara Bush.

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52% of Millennials say anxiety is their biggest health problem and people of all ages are finding themselves under more stress in the digital age.

Perfectionists are great brain surgeons, lawyers, employers but they are not always happy people.

Trying too hard is bad for anxiety.

Giving your all is a better strategy.

There is a difference.

When consumed with having to get it right (or even working for or being with people who demand perfection), anxiety increases.

Play to win.  Put everything you have into it and then leave perfection to those who are willing to succeed at something at the cost of their health.

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How do you put down a phone that does so many things you depend on?

Very carefully, it turns out.

Not all phone apps hijack us to the attention black hole.

Social media does, so start there.  Cutback on social media.  It’s too addictive and it is the biggest detriment to using a mobile device without giving up being present for what’s going on around us.

Spotify, podcasting and endless news feeds hijack our attention from living in the moment.  Use with care because it’s very easy to get caught in a playlist, a podcast or Twitter.

Give yourself permission to go analog at times – weekends, say, when reading print might be a good substitute from digital distraction.

Then, adopt this rule of thumb:  spend as much time face-to-face as you spend on mobile devices and you’re well on your way to a well-earned tech holiday.

Welcome back.

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