The first and only thing is – know how to make a life, not a living.

We keep pouring all our heart and soul into making a living and shortchanging what matters most.

Money doesn’t buy happiness and we already know “money can’t buy you love”.

Do you know how much money annually earned by two members of the family is the sweet spot?

You’re not going to believe this study of 2,000 people who were questioned about their lives and then asked their income.

$70,000 a year for a working couple.

That’s an average in the U.S.  It’s higher in Hawaii and lower in other states where the cost of living is lower.

What happened when couples earned $80,000 on average?

Their happiness (self-reported in the survey) did NOT go up.

What about a lot more money, did that make a difference?

Actually, they became unhappier the more money they made.

This can’t be, but it is.

Maybe that explains why a person fighting a disease just to stay alive is often happier in that unsettling situation than healthy people who think more is better.

The way to make a better life is to not fear living.

If you do, you risk losing life and happiness.

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Trying to please others is a losing game.

We know this and still do it.

So, is it possible to please others and ourselves at the same time?

More often than not, it is.

When you feel you’re being asked to do something that someone else wants and maybe you’re not that wild about doing, look for a win-win way forward.

The boss wants you to base the presentation on things you think are not that powerful.

The boss is still the boss but by trying to find if she/he is open to allowing you to infuse some new data that you have discovered, you are potentially satisfying her/him and you at the same time.

It isn’t always possible but asking for that which you need to make you happy and fulfilled too is legal, positive and has tremendous upside.

And not just at work.

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Most people don’t try to be depressed or unhappy.

The don’t wake up and say “I hope something happens to bum me out”.

Things start going wrong when the first thing occurs that causes unhappiness.  And if a second thing happens then the pattern is established.   Often it only takes one thing to ruin a day.

It’s going to be hard to turn your mood around.

How we survive from something going wrong or things that are said that hurts or angers us, sets the tone for the rest of the day.

Plainly put, we throw in the towel too quickly.

Sometimes all it takes is to try to be more resilient.

I’m bugged, but I’m not going to let this ruin my day.

I worked for weeks on that project and it hasn’t been appreciated, but I’m sure not going to dump on myself.  I did my part.

That fender bender is just what I didn’t need today BUT, I’m thankful that it’s the fender that is hurt and not me. 

This is more than just happy talk.

There is more and more science that proves how we think is how we train our brains to think.

Give in to negativity, and you will most assuredly get it.

Fight off as many aspects of it as you can and your brain gets retrained to make you stronger.

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Air traffic controllers through the use of technology can track many airplanes at one time for eventual landing.

Not too long ago, with just the help of radar, these overworked and stressed controllers would have nervous breakdowns trying to keep the planes separated and landing without incident.

You can only land one plane at a time on a runway.

Managing the multiple problems we face every day is similar.

In spite of multitasking and other techniques, humans can deal with only one problem or challenge at a time.

Try more than that and stress levels skyrocket.

One approach is to see in your mind’s eye, all the problems you are facing the way you might envision airplanes in line or circling to land.

You check back, work on it, update it, make decisions about it and bring it in finished.

Seeing multiple problems in your periphery is doable, trying to solve them all at once is useless when the price you pay is an increase in stress and anxiety.

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If a baseball team feared losing, they would never take the field.

If a tennis player couldn’t bear the thought of going down in defeat to another competitor, they would put their racquet down before the match started.

The same with life, if we allow fear thoughts there is no reason to expect happiness and accomplishment.

Fear thought is the enemy, it must be banned from our minds.

Failure is inevitable and ironically it is the dress rehearsal for future success, but worrying about failing is the main reason for failure.

It robs us of our confidence.

Gets us off our game plan.

Makes us anxious so that we become tense and nervous.

Study successful people and you will see every one of them has the ability to give themselves a chance to win – maybe even a lot of chances – fearing not failure itself but the inability to focus on trying harder.

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Often we are our own worst enemy when it comes to confidence.

Quick – name something you did extremely well today.

Then – name something you could have done better.

Most people can name their faults before the positives and some can’t name a positive unless you pull it out of them.

This changes today.

From now on, for every criticism (justifiable or not) make sure to think of something positive that you have done well.

No criticism without compliments.

Our brains get trained to obsess with how we could be better, how others want us to be, how we are wrong and not right so balancing out that tendency with some honest praise is the most important step in confidence building.

In other words, we can learn to have more confidence when we teach our brains that there is a lot of good upon which to build a positive view of ourselves.

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Anger is scary.

When we’re on the receiving end of it, anger may be scarier still.

“Calm down” doesn’t work.

“It’s not important, it’s not a big deal” seems to make people more enraged.

What we want when we are angry is for someone to listen to us – to hear us out without judging or – and this is important – without giving advice.

Advice just seems to inflame things even more.

But there is also good anger.

This is when we have a right to express our displeasure and to make every attempt to be heard.

Good anger is constructive.

Bad anger is destructive to us and to everyone who comes in contact with it.

The tool for dealing with anger is to become a good, non-judgmental listener.

The means for expressing concerns you have a right to air is to not destroy yourself or your relationship with others in doing so.

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Wishing you had what someone else has is second best.

Wanting to be more like them is useless no matter how admirable they might be.

Even the most enviable person is not worth imitating for many reasons including one basic indisputable one.

Try to be like someone else and you will always be an imitation of something that is not you.

When they innovate, you will have to copy.

When they surprise, you will have to somehow surprise.

When they change their goals, your goals will always be a hostage to theirs.

Enact your dreams without regard to anyone else.

Embrace the personality that you have developed no matter how unique.

Accept the gifts that you have been given not the ones you wish you had.

The human condition seems to be that we always want what we don’t have but the winning formula is to not only want it but accept our traits and quirks as the gifts that they really are.

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Toxic workplaces are inhabited by toxic people.

Often but not limited to the boss.

Here’s how to handle toxic co-workers and their defeating habits:

1. Unattainable goals – When they get caught up in unrealistic goals, you concentrate on realistic goals both short and long-term.Break them down into weekly, daily or hourly.
2. Perfectionism – If goals are set too high as many managers do, insist on sticking to realistic goals or else you will be on your way to shooting yourself in the foot.
3. Fear of failure – Perfectionists often fear failure, which is why they hesitate and often delay action.Never fear failure.  Learn from it.  Failure is essential to success.  It is the rehearsal for success.
4. Judging others – Constantly criticizing others is the road to failure. If you work for someone or with people who do that, make sure you don’t criticize them when encouragement is the better choice.

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Don’t overthink it.

Lots of remedies are out there – maybe too many – some of which promote more anxious thinking.

Focus on one thought.

99% of what we fear will never happen.

And that 1% will very likely not be as we feared or imagined.

That means we are worrying about things that can never hurt us.

Our thoughts about fear are hurting us more.

We can talk ourselves into more anxiety even as we spend time being aware of it and trying to fight it.

For every fear thought, a reminder.

99% of what I fear will never happen.

Why spend so much of my life waiting for it?

Our fear thoughts program our brains.  Putting fears into perspective retrains our brains and makes us more able to deal with anxiety in a world obsessed with fear.

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