69% of a recent SureCall study says smartphone users check their phones while using the toilet (59% do it daily – check the phone in the bathroom, that is).

75% sleep with the phone on or near the bed.

These people were more likely to say they are sad.

10% check their phones during sex (43% said they checked the phone while having relations two to ten times in the past year).

Our children are wearing us down and negotiating more access to something that also has a detrimental side.

Schools are helping because iPads are a teaching aid that saves on book expenses for local municipalities.

Phones are tools to bring us information, entertainment and connectivity.

When they become our lives, a good place to start reeling it in is now.

In the past week I have taken the advice of a former Google code writer who says the main goal of app makers is to serve more and more ads.

That advice?

Use only the first two screens on your phone for apps that do not require a lot of attention – WAZE, Uber, weather, etc. not social media.

Apps requiring attention – also known as black holes like social media apps, news, YouTube – should be in a folder the way we put liquor in a cabinet so that when we open it, we know exactly what we are going to get and don’t abuse it.

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Purposeful > Positive > Progression

Purposeful – Is what we’re trying to accomplish a goal or busy work?  Do we know the reason for wanting to achieve this goal?

Positive – Will this work end in something good that has been achieved?

Progression – Are we moving step by step toward completing our goal?

Often, the things we want to accomplish are more than a short task on a list.

It has to be broken down into steps that eventually arrive at the completion of a goal.

Failure to accomplish that which we set out to do no matter how passionate we are at the beginning is because the work is so encompassing that we don’t have the time to do it all at once or in large chunks.

Successful people get on the right track and then devise a plan to chip away at what needs to be done to reach success.

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Fear of failure is only half the problem.

Fear of succeeding keeps us from trying and from committing to never give up.

Success brings with it certain responsibilities that require solid self-esteem.

When we don’t believe in ourselves, we fear the success that is within reach.

We succeed more than we fail (keep a log of big things and small and confirm it).

What scares us is something new. 

To overcome that fear, go back and recall all the things you never thought you could accomplish and did.  They don’t have to be similar to the current challenge facing you.

Fear of failure is real – worrying about messing up.

Fear of success is prevalent more than we’d like to think – lacking the confidence to allow ourselves to even have the dream.

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The term “own it” doesn’t just mean owning up to shortcomings and missteps.

Own your personality quirks and all — it is as unique as your fingerprints. 

Own the moment – it’s always your decision to focus on now or get lost in the black hole of digital life.

Own up – admit mistakes quickly and clearly. 

Own your opinions – they are always available to be modified but never to be ignored or hijacked by someone with power over you.

Own your happiness – your happiness cannot be outsourced to another person or a more favorable circumstance.

It’s not always what’s wrong with you but what’s right.

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Every once in a while let someone else make the decision without any input or coercion.

You will live and get by just fine.

But they will come alive and be so grateful that you will wonder why you didn’t share power sooner.

In meetings.

In relationships – especially in relationships – for big decisions and small.  The more you trust another, the more it comes back to you in trust.

This doesn’t mean not caring.

It means empowering others and ironically empowering you.

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If we cannot believe in ourselves and love ourselves generously, we cannot leave it to someone else and expect vigorous self-confidence.

You are always right even when you’re wrong and by that I mean being strong enough to forge your own way and take responsibility for decisions even if they don’t work out.

Don’t let someone else live your life today.  We wouldn’t let someone else paint a picture we were working on, but we allow others to paint their version of our lives and wind up regretting it later.

The one relationship that matters most is what you think of yourself.

When you allow someone else to complete you as a person for things you may be lacking, you are giving away your free will.

No one gets to make your decisions and own them even if – and especially if – they wind up becoming learning opportunities rather than successes.

Adopt this unbreakable rule:  never doubt yourself, never put yourself down, never tolerate another person doing either one of these things.

Believing in yourself in 90% attitude and 10% reacting to success.

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There are friends and then there are friends.

Friends never have to remember to stay in touch, it happens automatically.

Friends don’t judge. 

They are never jealous. 

They handle their relationship like it is perishable because friendship is. 

Friends listen more than they speak. 

And they are always available. 

A text message is not a conversation because you cannot hear joy, sadness or fear. 

A social network is not a conversation.

I have seen endless posts by people with broken hearts publicly sharing their grief but friendship is when your main skill is to just be there for them.

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Be a good listener.

And don’t worry, there are few really innate good listeners around.

I know only a few but they are really good.  Some have the natural ability and others acquired their skills.

In the broadcasting business where I have resided, we talk a lot and could listen more.

That’s a good first step.

Then, be able to recap conversations after you hear them to see if you can recall what the other person said.

And finally, be able to do that recap to the person you were listening to and when they confirm you got it right, you have become a great listener.

A lot of what ails us in this world is our collective inability to let the other person speak while we take mental notes.

In a self-absorbed world, the individual who can master this skill will achieve both career success and personal happiness.

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1. Pick from multiple choices.  Choosing the thing, person or job you like the best based on feeling alone should be a red flag.
2. All good decisions in time.  There is often a correlation between how fast decisions are made and how good the decisions are.
3. Avoid outsourcing your decisions to someone else (a person who is pressuring you or one you feel would make a better choice).  People who fear decision making often allow others to decide for them.
4. Remember the Ted Williams rule.  Arguably the greatest hitter in baseball who once batted over .400 in a season still failed to reach base 60% of the time.  Making good decisions is a process not a guarantee that every decision will be perfect.  If one of the best hitters in baseball succeeded only 40% of the time and most players not even that, set more realistic goals.
5. Learn from the bad decisions because unfortunately too many of us repeat the same mistakes.

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There are a lot of tips on how to stop mortgaging your happiness because of undue obsessing.

What works instantly is not to try to alter your behavior but to seek an alternate route to reducing obsessing.

Postpone the thoughts.

Train the brain to put off having to think obsessive thoughts to a certain time in the day – or night and do not exceed your obsessing time.

Tonight at 8pm until 8:30 I will obsess away.

Then, every obsessive thought gets pushed into the next day.  Same time.

Eventually you may be able to skip obsessing sessions every day and do them less frequently.

This same approach is also magic with fear and worry.

Train the brain to pick up the fear thought at a specific time later and then devote no more than 30 minutes to thinking about the fear.

This approach gives you back your life and eventually introduces a protocol for putting obsessions and worry in their place.

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