We know our faults – chances are they’ve been mentioned to us many, many times.

Concentrating on what’s wrong will never change anything.

Seeing in your mind’s eye how you want to fix a fault – now that’s powerful.

If you believe you’re lazy, you are lazy.

If you believe you don’t care, you probably don’t.

If you believe that you’re the reason everything at work went wrong, there’s no doubt you will be guilty as accused.

See the way you want to be and not the way you are denigrated.

As Shakespeare said:

Assume a virtue if you have it not.

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Everything in our lives has a restart button.

Our phones, our computers, video games, televisions.  We even use the word restart as if we can make something go away and get better fast.

No one has only good days.

Happy people restart their bad days.

No obsessing over what irritates you.

Deemphasizing you and focusing on others.

Injecting an emergency dose of gratitude right in the middle of your meltdown (“Thank God for my family”, “I’m blessed with good health”, etc.). 

Say “I’m going to hit restart right now”.

There is no need to waste another precious day because something went wrong from the outset.

Hit restart.

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Olympians only know can and will.

The Philadelphia Eagles lost their star quarterback and had every reason to believe that they would still not win their first Super Bowl in February.

Can’t became can defeating one of the greatest football franchises in NFL history, the New England Patriots no less.

Can is not a word – it’s a promise – and that’s the difference.

Not yes, I’m capable of overcoming the odds.

It’s yes, I promise myself to do everything I humanly can to achieve my goals.

Can’t becomes can.

Won’t turns into will.

An excuse morphs into a challenge.

What’s keeping you from your dreams is not the world, the job, someone you don’t like, a misfortune or a handicap.

The only person who needs to hear the words “I can” is you.

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There is no such thing as multitasking.

It plays games with our attention and makes us tired.

All we can do well is one thing at a time.

We think we accomplish more but that mirage saps us of our attention.

Our phones make us busier avoiding interaction and making us more anxious.

Then we fear not being busy.

Even rest becomes a waste of time.

Resting the mind, the body and our penchant for creating self-induced anxiety is the alternative to being addicted to busy.

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When I taught the Dale Carnegie Course, instructors used to teach that the benefit often follows the action.

Act enthusiastic and you’ll be enthusiastic 

Not think yourself into enthusiasm – do something enthusiastic first. 

The action comes before the result.

The same is true with happiness.

Sitting around waiting for happiness to approach us can sometimes be a long wait.

Bring some kind of joy to others 

And joy will come to you.

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Shaming is used to control.

It hurts as much as a physical punch.

Shaming stops when we think enough of ourselves to either push back, end the conversation or avoid the shamer in the future.

You don’t get to say that.

This conversation is over. 

Don’t speak that way if you want my friendship.

Own your story and embrace your vulnerabilities.

When shame attacks, be brave and reach out to others.

Shame disables the part of us that believes we are capable of change.

Shame is the powerful fear that we are not good enough and it is cured by giving yourself the love you deserve.

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When they turn to their phone, stop talking until they put it away.

If they say, “I can do both”, “keep talking”, “I’m listening” remain silent – they’ll get the message.

When they can’t come up with a question for you, end the encounter as soon as possible unless you have nothing to do except listen to someone else speak.

Both sides are important.

Both messages worth hearing.

To connect with others in a world of distraction, think enough of both of you to not become their distraction as well.

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A study in Psychological Science shows that people who hang onto stress did worse than those who were able to let it go.

Elon Musk, the brilliant SpaceX and Tesla founder is on the verge of a breakdown.

He says he can’t sleep and works constantly.

There is a difference between understanding stress and letting it go.

Decide to let go of arguments at work or home – it’s a decision; not an act of faith.

If you experience stress one full day after having a stressful experience, jettison that feeling because it will eat you alive.  Add more than one stressor and your body and mind will be under constant attack. 

Create safe havens from stress – a quiet place, a happy place, a positive friend, a spiritual moment.  Breaking stress even for a minute helps people let go.  It’s been proven. 

Ask what’s the worst that can happen when under stress – even if you have a flare for the dramatic, you’ll soon realize that your worry is usually more toxic than the consequence you fear. 

Replace a stressful moment with a grateful moment (“My boss is killing me” is switched out for “My mother is a caring person” or “my husband is so thoughtful”).  Stress switching helps retrain the brain.

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Before you can get what you want, you have to know what the other person wants.

No one is motivated to do anything for us just because we want it.

It is far more effective and actually more humane to spend lots of time getting to all the little details of what they want first.

The road to getting what you want passes through giving the other person something that they want, too.

If this isn’t done sincerely, then it can be seen as manipulation.

The most effective person I know (and very wealthy at that), makes it an ongoing practice to understand what drives the person on the other side of an agreement.

The number of times deals fall apart because people argue over petty things is great.  Even when the tough issues are resolved, little issues (but important to one party) can scuttle an agreement.

Ask who, what, where, when, why and how before asking something of another person.

Look for things you can give them, if they can find a way to give you what you’re asking. 

Getting what you want without giving up something important to the other person will backfire.  

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When faced with an important decision, get the facts, weigh the facts and then take this step that can make all the difference in the world.

Ask yourself, what is the right thing to do?

Not what is the most expedient.

Not what will make you more popular at least for now.

Or postpone a decision because you’re either hoping the problem will go away or are afraid of making up your mind.

The right thing to do has never led anyone wrong.

It is what makes people happy, successful, fair-minded and confident in their decisions.

Spending time obsessing over tough problems is better spent wrestling with finding the answer to – what is the right thing to do?

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