Dealing With Put Downs

You help build someone up not run them down.

When people put down others, what they say is best dismissed from your mind.

The longer it lingers, the more damage the insult does.

People have a way of remembering and repeating negative input while dismissing the positive.

Think of your brain as a special place that not everyone is allowed to have direct access to.   

You decide what gets in and what doesn’t.  

No one gets to say things that you don’t allow – you’re in control as you should be after all, it is your brain. 

So when something hurtful is said, you are the firewall that either lets it ruminate and stew or rejects it outright.

The master of human relations Dale Carnegie says “don’t criticize” — period.  There is nothing good that comes from criticizing yourself or others.

Asking for positive criticism is actually asking to be put down.

There is no such thing as positive criticism.

How can I be better?  That’s the best and healthiest way toward growth.

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Panic Attacks

A sense of impending doom.

The need to escape.

Hyperventilation.

Rapid heartbeat.

Sweaty palms.

Just some of the symptoms for a panic attack that may last anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour or more.

Focus on breathing — exhaling and inhaling very slowly.  Help someone else by doing this with them.

Give yourself space.  Help others by letting them know you do not want help right now.

Concentrate on being and feeling safe.  If you help someone having a panic attack remind them you are “here for them”.

Panic attacks are very common in the interconnected world in which we live.

They can’t be argued away.

And panic attacks are no reason to be shamed.

Help by comforting someone having an attack not arguing with them or lecturing.

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Elon Musk

Elon Musk is miserable these days.

The founder of SpaceX and Tesla should have it all but he speaks publicly of depression, a nervous breakdown and the inability to sleep.

Happiness comes from realizing how fortunate you are.

A grateful person is rarely unhappy.

They find ways to see even small things – and especially small things – as reasons to be happy.

All Elon Musk’s money cannot make him happy because material things are transient flowing in and out of our lives.

Walking out of a breast care mammogram grateful for another period ahead of good health is the real currency not the amount of money in the bank.

Being poor can cause unhappiness but the pursuit of money usually causes the same feeling.

The only way to be truly rich is to be eternally grateful.

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  • Well said, Jerry. 100% agree.

  • “The only way to be truly rich is to be eternally grateful.”

    Amen.

    Another similar point of reference: the great perennial hit song sung by Porter Wagoner, Glen Campbell and many others, “A Satisfied Mind”:

    “…it’s so hard to find
    One rich man in ten
    With a satisfied mind.”

    Another winning piece, Jerry.

    Have a great day,
    Paul

Feeling Empowered

Empowerment is not bragging or exercising control over others.

We feel strong when we reach out and touch others.

Start the day by paying at least one compliment to someone else before uttering the words “I” or “me”.

Don’t look for compliments — give them. 

Compliment the person; not their looks (that’s flattery).  A compliment is only sincere when it is backed by evidence. 

Feel stronger by listening to someone else without interruption.

Let someone ahead of you in line at Starbucks.

When someone is stressed, be the one not to add to it.

When people are rude, it makes us feel angry.  But if we want to feel powerful, focusing on someone else without looking for attention in return is the first step toward empowerment.

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Trust

Trust is not a feeling – it’s a decision.

Any doubts just reflect on the number of times you trusted someone only to be disappointed or hurt.

Before giving your trust, the other party must earn it.

Are they reliable?

Sensitive to your needs?

Honest, ethical – do they have a sense of fairness?

Look for the good qualities and also keep eyes wide open for the bad ones.

You wouldn’t let a person into your house who you didn’t first have good reason to believe could be trusted.  And then, you open the door.

The same applies to our lives.

Before making a conscious decision to put your trust into a person, institution or idea, make sure you feel comfortable about opening the door.

Think with your head – feel with your heart.

Not the other way around.

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Money & Happiness

Happiness is positive cash flow.

Money without happiness is not worth the effort it takes to earn it and we do know through recent studies that money can only buy so much happiness.

Anything under an average of $70,000 per working couple will cause money stresses but any amount over the 50-state average of $70,000 does not make people any happier.  Not even a million a year according to the most recent poll.

These surveys reflected people who graded their happiness and then disclosed their incomes.

Money can’t buy happiness.

But a takeaway is that happiness is also worth more than money.

When planning for your financial future also include factors that lead to increased happiness.

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Control

People who must be in control deprive themselves of the honest appreciation of others.

If they control the love, they risk never freely receiving love.

If they write the script, the ending always turns out the same.

If they control the outcome, they may miss a better solution.

If they obsessively speak for another, they are responsible for not empowering someone else.

The best way to gain control is to give up control.

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Ending Hurtful Thoughts

No one gets access to your subconscious.

Once said, the brain repeats what it hears.

If the comments are destructive, you are doing the damage by repeating them on a continuous loop.

The subconscious is like a recorder.

No one gets to record a message in your subconscious but you.

Even a compliment doesn’t get a pass (you record the compliments you receive).

The mind can be a powerful asset to happiness and success or it can serve to tear you down if the messages you are hearing and duplicating are damaging.

Taking charge of what gets recorded in the subconscious and not what other people say makes all the difference.

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How to Become an Achiever

Exceed expectations – yours and those of others. 

Have the heart of a servant – please others until it hurts. 

Outwork everyone else.

Turn your dreams into well thought out game plans.

On the way to getting what you want help those who help you get what they want.

Become skilled at human relations, the special skills that makes people gravitate to you and want to work with you. 

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Better Mornings

Before getting out of bed as you awake think of 5 people for whom you are grateful that they are in your life (it can be the same 5 people every day or you could add new ones).

Think of 5 situations that you are fortunate to be in right now (your job, your marriage, your avocation). 

This will eventually take only a minute or two.

Replace looking at your phone and finding out what irritates you or what problems you must face before even setting your feet on the floor.

Nothing more elaborate works any better than starting the day with gratitude for those you love and appreciate and all that you are fortunate to have.

Things go wrong when we start with problems, irritations, added-stress, worries and other negatives even before we’re fully awake.

Doing this awakening routine every day and you will train your brain to give you the positive start that makes it easier to handle whatever problems you must endure later.

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