How much stress is this worth to me?

Just asking this question when fear, worry, stress and anxiety begin to creep in helps individuals become instantly aware that they will be paying a price with their physical and psychological health if they don’t put an immediate limit on anxiety.

Pressure and stress go unchecked because they are exponential.

Asking the question puts a stop/loss on worry.

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The prolific author and motivator Wayne Dyer did a bit on one of his PBS specials about the flu.

People expect the flu.

They can tell you when they usually get it.  What happens to them every year when they do and how long it lasts with a bunch of painful memories sprinkled in.

I have a friend who when she feels something coming on says out loud, “Joanne doesn’t get sick”.

The people Dyer referred to came down with the flu as expected almost as if they deserved it, he would add.

I don’t remember a day Joanne suffered from the flu, virus or even the common cold.

But there is something to the power of expectation.

If you expect good things, you tend to get them and if you expect bad, it shows up right on time.

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This is not possible without first embracing the fine person you already are.

Flawed, yes – aren’t we all — but a work in progress nonetheless.

“Better” can’t happen to a person you don’t like and accept.

No self-improvement sticks to anyone who doesn’t first appreciate the fine person they already are.

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Look back 90 days to reassess that you, indeed, know what you are doing and are able to focus on successes and not constantly ward off the fear of failing.

I call this Lori’s Law after my friend Lori Lewis who understands the battle for our own minds is won by documenting in writing all that we have achieved.

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We become like the people who surround us.

If we were raised in a can-do, uplifting family, that positivity becomes our DNA.

Around negative people, friends with unending problems, co-workers obsessed with how they hate their jobs and their lives – that, too becomes contagious.

Just as people can make others laugh, they can also make them see the dark side.

Some workarounds:

Those who learn to identify the negativity have a chance to counteract it

Deflect it and move on 

Avoid fights, arguments or critical words to “downers”, it just paves the way for more negativity. 

You always have a choice to see the upside or the downside. 

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Being in the wrong job can cause it.

Or the wrong relationship.

The loss of a loved one, a friend, your health or your job.

What is it about people who can overcome getting stuck in a rut?

They still have hope without which severe depression sets in. 

They have a plan – or ten plans if that’s what it takes – to pick themselves up and find their way back.

They have courage to admit a mistake, a series of mistakes, relationships that are toxic or other things that contribute to being bogged down in unhappiness. 

They know that it’s not “if” but “when” they will figure things out because “if” is only a possibility but “when” is an actual time of arrival.   

No one can be bogged down and lost if they believe that whatever is wrong is temporary. 

Today, remind yourself that your greatest problem is only temporary, that you will survive it and be back on top again.

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Can you imagine a boxer betting on his or her opponent instead of themselves?

Well, maybe yes – that’s called a fixed fight.

And that’s what people do to themselves – bet on failure instead of success.

Betting on you starts in the mind – I can, I will, I have done, I will do.

Absent are words like can’t, won’t, maybe, not sure, no way.

Place your bets.

On you.

It doesn’t cost anything.

It’s a sure thing.

And don’t waste time trying to get someone else to bet on you.  It’s nice, but it’s not as effective as when you believe you will succeed.

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When things go our way it’s easy to exude confidence.

When they don’t, we tend to overthink, overreact, focus on what we think is wrong – in other words, we rehearse failure thoughts.

• Focus on what’s right even when something goes wrong. The first time I was on television I hosted a local Wednesday Night Movie on camera.  When the show ended, I went off TelePrompTer and said “Tune in next Tuesday for the Wednesday Night Movie.”  I was convinced that ad-libbed screwup was the end of my TV career early on but it was only the beginning because I left out the part that I really did well.
• Confidence comes before actions–If you believe something good will happen, it is more likely to happen. If you don’t, you often have to take what you will get.
• Believe in you – If you won’t, who should?
• Keep IOUs handy – (this is my favorite) Every time you have a success of any kind, type it into your smartphone notes and carry it around with you. At least once a day scroll through and remind yourself of how awesome you are instead of waiting around for something to sap your confidence.

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Studies show fear of speaking ranks higher than the fear of death.

Maybe that’s because speaking in public is a slow death to those who have not mastered the art.

• Speak on only that which you have earned the right to speak about or participate in a team group.
• Don’t try to be a public speaker or imitate one – it will end in disaster. Be yourself, authentic.  Some of the best speakers are soft spoken or quirky and it works if that’s their personality.
• Open and close with a prepared comment but use an outline to speak conversationally about the topic. Do you enjoy watching a person read a speech to you?
• To be really effective, think of your talk as a gift that you are presenting the audience.Know what that gift is.  Put it in your own words along with the excitement that comes from sharing something you know the audience will like.
• Warm up the audience if possible by walking through and greeting as many people as you can before your talk. If you can you will have that many people pulling for you.
• Look the audience in the eyes – nothing is more effective than looking at the people you are talking to.
• Finally, keep it short and end on a positive note.

Scared speakers usually are also short on self-esteem so instead of practicing your talk over and over again, practice reminding yourself why you are qualified to speak on this subject.

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Do something new every day.

Studies confirm that the brain becomes more engaged and creates positive pathways when you do something new every day – it doesn’t have to be big, but it could be as long as it is new.

Talk to someone you don’t know.

Take a different path to where you’re going this day. 

Break habits by creating a new one even just one day. 

Keep a log on your phone because it’s even invigorating to scroll through your new initiatives.

Emmy-winning TV reporter and cancer survivor Lu Ann Cahn has written “I Dare Me”about how she rebooted and recharged her life.

It turns out getting unstuck is as simple as doing something new – anything. 

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