Getting Your Way

Always ask questions.

Don’t make statements.

Get the other person to tell you what you want so badly to tell them through the use of questioning.

(This is a professor’s secret – the more you can get students to ask questions about that which you are preparing to teach, the more engaged in the subject they become).

Being open to opposing views is the advantage you have over those who know it all.

Getting your way is earned by encouraging others to have their say.

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Defeating Triggers of Stress

Prioritize rather than multitask – Multitasking increases anxiety.

Take control of your phone – You control it, it doesn’t control you.

Refuse to worry all day – pick a time, say between 8-8:15 pm and limit the damage.

Reject pressure to succeed – focus on giving 100%, no more, no less.

Deflect the anxiety generated by others right back to them – these are not your burdens.

Trying to be liked and accepted is not as effective as liking and accepting yourself.

Giving up control is the only way to truly be in control. 

Worrying about money doesn’t make you more of it.

Gratitude for little things brings instant serenity. 

To bet against yourself is a losing proposition 100% of the time – confidence comes from assuming you will prevail.

Put fear of failure in its place – out of your head.

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Staying Young & Relevant

Those who study the brain including the Mayo Clinic physician Amit Sood understand the importance of trying new things.

Being open to that which is not routine for us.

This helps our brain, lifts our mood but the reason we like to keep things the same is for convenience and fear of failure.

Try a new walk, a new run, a new exercise

A different way to get to work

An entirely different lunch

Meet at least one new person every day breaking the ice first

Write your next email in a way so different it doesn’t even look like your email

Give a decision you can make to someone else

Let the waiter/waitress choose the best of the menu and even if it disappoints, it will invigorate your ability to live life in the present.

We often think of changing jobs, partners, houses or apartments and other things to break out of the monotony of daily life.

So go ahead, Give someone you don’t usual praise a sincere compliment with the evidence to back it up. 

The fountain of youth is our ability to try something new.

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  • Jerry, tremendously inspirational!

Rallying Against Rudeness

Civility is out.

Getting what you want at any cost is in.

Answer rude like this …

When someone glances at their phone, stop talking until they put it down.  (Watch, they’ll say “I’m listening” or “I can do two things at once”).

When a person insults or hurts you, get them to repeat it twice or even three times by asking questions (“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say”, “Tell me, why are you putting it like that”, “Will you repeat what you just said”).  Often the offender backs off to some degree but if they don’t, you’ve made them aware of how you feel.

When you’re bullied, say no.  Nothing else.  Don’t give a bully more oxygen.   

Attacking a rude person doesn’t make them less rude.  Specialize in what you’re feeling not what they’re saying.

No one gets direct access to your subconscious – only you and keep it positive at all times. 

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Toxic Friends

Adversity introduces a person to him or herself and to those around them.

A true friend is to be highly valued.

So why are we valuing people who have proven to disappoint?

  • Never take advice from people who accomplish little.
  • Never seek the advice of someone who is unable to sincerely emphasize and who is unlikely to contribute a positive solution.
  • Avoid taking advice from someone you don’t admire and respect.

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Assume You Can Do It

Confident people always seem to be ready to do almost anything.

But when we are exposed to negativity, we become less confident.

Shakespeare said “assume a virtue if you have it not” and here’s how that works in our modern lives.

Saying “I can’t” or “I don’t think so” is you hurting yourself.  Why do that?

All we have to give is 100% of what we have – everyone can do this.  No exceptions.

When in doubt, think about something else you did that took courage even if it wasn’t similar.

Create IOUs to yourself for bravely doing things you didn’t think you could do and cash them in the next time you’re challenged.

Fear of failure is worse than failing from trying.

Banish that thought.

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Difficult Days

Adversity sucks.

But it has its virtues.

The way we handle hard times can be transformative.

We constantly look for an end to our difficulties that is why adversity seems to never end.

Recognizing progress makes difficult days when nothing seems to go right better.

Surviving the last few hours – progress.

Coming up with a plan of action – that deserves a pat on the back.

Waking up the next day and attacking your problem anew – progress we often fail to recognize.

It’s progress that allows us to deal with adversity.

Measuring progress transforms us from poor victim to handler of life’s ups and downs.

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Confidence in a Hurry

It’s easy to forget your many successes in a fast-paced world.

If you want to constantly doubt yourself, keep focusing on what you think is wrong with you.

If you want to gain confidence, celebrate every success big and small.

Start a notes file on your phone. 

Every time you have a success or accomplishment, add it to the list (latest first).

Scroll down often during the day and review all the things that you have accomplished.

It’s a human condition to think about faults rather than accomplishments, but people who exude confidence make it a commitment and daily ritual to remind themselves of what’s right about them.

You are the best source of confidence.

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Letting Go of the Past

Think of how much time we waste trying to rewrite the history of our lives.

Regretting past mistakes.

Holding on to anger.

It’s almost as if we’re trying to engineer a better past or future.

What we’re living now is the only thing that is guaranteed. It’s the only thing we have for certain.

It deserves 100% of our attention.

The past is an old file that we pull to learn lessons and then put it away.

The future is a blueprint for anticipating a future – glance at it and return to now.

Spend most of your time in the present where life happens and where you can fix past mistakes and hope for better days ahead.

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Outperforming Co-Workers

Two things.

  1. Do what you say you’re going to do, do it earlier than promised and exceed expectations on every occasion.  

Wouldn’t you like to have that person working for you?  Be that person.

  1. Keep confidences

Channel the deepest CIA-agent in you and do what very few people can actually do – never discuss conversations, gossip, observations or other breaches with any one.  The person who can reliably keep confidences, gives the assurance that they can be trusted.

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