If you have been struggling with a problem and want the best shot at solving it or at least making it less of a problem, you will do better following these steps:

1. Ask “what is the problem”. Often, we set out to solve something that is not the real problem.
2. What are the causes of the problem? Make a long list without passing judgment.
3. What are all the possible solutionsyou can think of? No solution is too wild, far out or inappropriate during this brainstorming stage.
4. Choose the best solution from #3 above. Sometimes it will be two possible solutions rolled into one.
5. Devise an action planto put your best solution to work.
6. Set a date to review your progress.

These specific steps help guarantee that you have a disciplined approach to solving the problem that has been gnawing at you.

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It’s all backwards.

It’s not the fear of failing that is holding us back.

The fear of succeeding is what hampers us.

Fear of starting a new relationship and having to make it work. 

Worry about looking for or starting a new job – can I handle it? Will they like me? 

Fear of making friends because they will eventually discover who I really am. 

Fear of something new even what I like is old and comfortable. 

The fear of succeeding paralyzes us, contributes to bad decisions and robs us of all that we could have if we would do just one thing.

Change the way we look at fear of failure and embrace the courage it takes to confront how we feel about success.

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Digital life is one big refresh.

Even if we get bad news by constantly checking email or text messages, we assume something different – maybe better – will happen when the next one alerts us.

It’s actually the opposite.

Email delivered whenever it arrives is like the mail carrier coming back to your house all day and all night to drop off one more message that he/she didn’t deliver the last time.

To gain control of email and become more productive and, more importantly, less stressed, treat checking email like making a scheduled phone call.

Don’t even look when you’re notified. 

Schedule a time to check and then and only then, check the mail. 

You decide on how many times and at what part of the day you want to “schedule” an email check based on your work, your energy level and other things you need to do. 

Then, divide emails into two categories – the one’s you can answer quickly and the ones that need further thought.  Then schedule it for a later response. 

Put a hold on immediate email notifications.

Stress and anxiety are big issues in our lives today.  One way to make a dent in stressors is to take control of the great interrupter called email by using these hints to stop the addiction. 

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Why do we tend to think of leaders as being cheerleaders – loud, strong-willed, imposing figures?

The awesome quality of a real leader is the exact opposite.

Instill calm and build confidence in those around them.

Proud not loud.

Reassuring not rescuing.

Whenever a team works, a real leader is building confidence and keeping everyone focused.

Where a family works, the parents are constantly reassuring children of their ability to deal with life’s ups and downs and not protecting them from it.

A leader is one who succeeds by believing not cheerleading.

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You can’t expect to outsource self-confidence by looking for it elsewhere.

It starts from within.

Most of us spend a lifetime learning how to doubt ourselves and when we look to others for the confidence we don’t have, it doesn’t work.

Believe in you.

Never look to others for that which you don’t have.

Erase a lifetime of doubt by retraining your brain to believe in you. 

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A big ego is a substitute for confidence.

Confident people have no need to brag or enhance their perceived abilities.

Working with these people can be a challenge.

It can make a job you love miserable.

Never feed a big ego even to gain acceptance at work – it encourages more of the same behavior you don’t like. 

Avoid fighting a big ego – it will only make them push harder to prevail.

The only way around a troubling big ego is to ignore it – let the words go through your ears without reacting one way or the other.

There is no cure for an egotistical person.

But there is a remedy for those who have to suffer fools like this.

Don’t let them push your buttons.

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80% of those who set a goal fail to finish it.

No doubt they had good intentions.

But what’s different with the 20% who finish their goal?

They have a plan.

They adjust the plan on an ongoing basis to make it better. 

They see the final prize vividly in their mind’s eye in a way that is so compelling that they can taste it (i.e., money is a weak goal, what money buys that you desire is stronger). 

A goal is a dream that will never come true without a plan for success.

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There is only so much pressure we can handle in a world that is connected by a digital device in our hand or on our person.

There is our anxiety and then there is the anxiety caused by those around us.

Anxiety is like the flu – except we recover from the flu.

The more anxiety we are exposed to, the more we get worn down.

Think about it – when do we ever wake up and say “I feel so relaxed and stress free” even as those around us give us more of their anxiety.

Filter out the anxiety caused by others – say, no more, I can only handle the stress I am dealing with.

Put fear in its place – the number one cause of anxiety is fear of something happening or not happening.  Put a stop loss on fear because in reality 99% of what we fear never actually happens.

Stress-free living begins when you say no to the anxiety that those around you generate.

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And when you feel afraid, love one another
When you’ve lost your way, love one another
When you’re all alone, love one another
When you’re far from home, love one another
When you’re down and out, love one another
All your hope’s run out, love one another
When you need a friend, love one another
When you’re near the end, love
We got to love, we got to love one another

Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer
Shine on us all, set us free

Songwriters: John Wilcox / Kasim Sulton / Roger Powell / Todd Rundgren
Love Is The Answer lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

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We’re all living too fast – slow it down.

Taking on too many burdens – own up to your limitations.

Trying too hard to please others.

Looking past the person you see in the mirror every day, that beautiful, special human being.

Letting our digital devices steal our life instead of be the wonderful tool that we absolutely can control.

Do less of all of this.

Then love yourself and one another.

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Read some sample chapters of my book Out of Bad Comes Good – The Advantages of Disadvantages here.